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The girl you plan to marry is drop-dead gorgeous. She’s also a virtuous girl who is sweet, kind, and considerate of others. Her intelligence is apparent to all, and her many talents will be of great benefit to your household. While she is neither frivolous nor flighty, she enjoys life and has a wonderful sense of humor. Most importantly, she loves children, and she promises to be a loving and devoted mother. She obviously loves you very much, and I hope and pray that she fills your life with happiness.
But consider what marriage really is. You are promising to love and cherish one woman, not only for the present, but for the indefinite future until you are parted by death. You don’t know what the future holds. Your wife’s natural beauty may one day be ravaged by accident or fire, leaving you to adore a horribly scarred face for forty more years. Her ability to be sexually intimate with you could be ruined by illness or disease: thus, your marriage vows might well include a lifelong vow of celibacy. She may go blind or deaf at an early age. She may have her breasts removed to save her from cancer. Her personality may be devastated by drugs or alcoholism, and she may end up hating you. She may experience depression or mental illness. She may be unfaithful. She may walk out on you, and she may never come back. She may—heaven forbid—abuse or neglect your children.
And your job? Your job is to love, pray, and suffer for her. Your job is to forgive her seventy-times-seven. Your job is to avoid any thought of being free and finding another. Your job is to keep your vows unflinchingly. Your job is to be there for her when she needs you, when she hates you, when she ignores you, when she doesn’t know you are there, when she loves you again—at any cost except that of your own soul and those souls in your charge (*an important caveat). Your job is to love her as Christ loved the Church. Your job is to be a man. There are no exceptions.
Not everyone regards meeting one's obligations to someone to whom we pledged our lives as a waste.
If people would prefer to be with someone else and just keep up marriage for formal reasons, I do think it is a waste, yes. Not just of one's own life, but of that of your spouse as well.
Apart from that, since this thread is about children, most people already have their kids when they start to drift apart. At most they might keep up the family for those 10 to 15 years at most, teenagers are mature enough to know about marriage, divorce, etc.
"The concluding section of the study commented that unlike the divorced parents, who can often find relief following separation, children's suffering continues long after divorce. In fact, its effects continue for decades, as long as three decades.
'Divorce has pervasive weakening effects on children and on all of the five major institutions of society -- the family, the church, the school, the marketplace, and government itself,' Fagan and Churchill concluded.
With the high level of divorce in recent times these debilitating consequences will continue to be played out in the years to come. Not a comforting thought as Western society continues to witness continued attacks on family life and attempts to re-define marriage."
It's long past time for a return to social, legal and political support for indissoluable Christian marriage.
No doubt there are negative effects. However, I would suggest that young adults are no longer taught the tools to make marriage successful, be it by their own families, or The Church (since the OP's article came from the Roman Catholic Church). Perhaps they need to remove the log from their own eye and address what pre-marital counciling they should be doing better.
If people would prefer to be with someone else and just keep up marriage for formal reasons, I do think it is a waste, yes. Not just of one's own life, but of that of your spouse as well.
If both parties agree and there are no children, fine, divorce away. Otherwise it's a heinous abrogation of a life-changing contract.
Indeed, and in order to be best friends you have to be compatible.
Maybe it would make sense to postpone marriage till infatuation is gone, just like they say one should not go shopping with an empty stomach
And I'd also like to add, that obviously there needs to be trust, and to recognize that your spouse is his/her own person. I always hear other dudes say crap like "my wife won't let me do_________" or women say "my husband won't let me do_________" I look at it this way, my wife is NOT my child. As I am not her child. She can do what she wants, as long as it's not cheating, or gambling away our money or some crazy s*** like that. And likewise. If we're at a party, she doesn't sit there and say "now don't drink too much" or things like that. She doesn't have to.
My wife and I while we differ on some things (you can't be too much alike as that is no good either) we generally see eye to eye on most things, and are very compatible.
And please don't get married without the mutual intention of having children. That's another recipe for divorce.
MORE BS, wow! Many couple marry and do not have children for one reason or another, their marriage is every bit as valid as yours. Man oh man you really are a shot from the dark ages, welcome to the 21st Century, where the vast majority of people have evolved to a higher state of thinking and REJECT your line of thought.
MORE BS, wow! Many couple marry and do not have children for one reason or another, their marriage is every bit as valid as yours. Man oh man you really are a shot from the dark ages, welcome to the 21st Century, where the vast majority of people have evolved to a higher state of thinking and REJECT your line of thought.
I guess what they meant was that both should agree that either they do or they do not want kids. But it's unrealistic as often biology gets in the way. And people simply change their minds as time passes.
I can see where that poster is going with the "will to love" statement.
In many cases, marriages go downhill due to conscious choices made by one or both persons in the direction opposite of maintaining the marriage.
I think if you choose to commit to marriage and family, then do it all the way, and don't half-ass it like most people tend to do.
(Easier said than done...I know, I know...)
I understand all that, but in their perfect world no one would be allowed to divorce, and that is pure stupidity. I agree some people get married for the wrong reasons and others give up too easy but the OP's suggestion is illogocal and never going to happen since we do not live in a Thocracy, Thank GOD.
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