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I guess what they meant was that both should agree that either they do or they do not want kids. But it's unrealistic as often biology gets in the way. And people simply change their minds as time passes.
You bring up a good point. My wife never wanted kids. She didn't have that maternal instinct. Even when we got married, she really wasn't into the idea of having kids. I on the other hand did, but I loved her no matter what, and realized it had to be a mutual agreement. After a year and a half being married, (we got married in 2000) her biological clock went haywire, and then all of a sudden, it was baby this, and baby that. Like to the point that she was keeping track of when she was ovulating! I don't know what triggered it. Maybe it was the fact that her uncle died of a massive coronary almost a year after we got married. Then my Grandpa died of a brain tumor shortly after, and it also was rather sudden. Then in 2002 my step brother was diagnosed with a rare form of lymphoma, and died within a month of being diagnosed. So that is about when she had a change of heart. She had also been on birth control since high school due to issues with her cycle. She went off of it, and immediately got pregnant. Unfortunately, she miscarried, and was utterly devastated. As was I. After that her resolve to get pregnant was even greater, and as soon as the waiting period was over, we tried again, and well we have our son! While it's doubtful we will have another one, as we both agree that it isn't practical right now, she is a very loving and nuturing mother.
OMG this study and the replies to it are so illustrative of the festering problems in not only US society but western culture in general. We are a country of lazy, greedy, out of touch, materialistic, self absorbed people. I mean think about it. People have no loyalty to anything or anyone nowadays. Our entire self worth is based on how much money we make, what kind of car we drive, what kind of clothes we wear, how much of a six pack we have or how skinny we are. Women, men it doesn't matter. The entire break down of family has been because of the entire break down fo the individual. People in general are just a mess nowadays..........you think putting two people who are a mess into a relationship and actually bringing another life into this world is going to turn out better? LMAO! Brilliant!
Adults need to wake the 'fk' up and look at how they are living in America. Stressed out, debt ridden, unhealthy, etc. From our educational system to our government to corporate America we are all sheeple and lemmings going along with whatever the billion dollar corporate advertising and marketing budgets tell us. We let our schools and our government raise our children. We let our government dictate every aspect of our lives. Church? As if god gives two craps about Americans or the "American family". Most mothers can't even cook nowadays. They are good little corporate servants who can crunch numbers and run businesses and do pretty much anything a man can do. Men can barely find the time to teach their sons how to work on cars or play a sport because they are too busy watching them and working like a dog to please their corporate masters while the government they voted for bends them over for taxes.
American society has turned into a joke. And the sad thing is how fast it has all happened. Just a few generations removed. My grandparents were both college educated without going into any debt. Grandpa had a great job with gag me with a spoon "Monsanto" retiring at 55 with a full pension. Grandma stayed home and raised the kids. Although frugal and having lived a fairly modest lifestyle unilke their McMansion devouring 21st century counterparts they afforded newere cars, an inground swimming pool, managed to put three kids through college without debt and retire without worrying whether they were going to swap their next meal for healthcare bills.
Divorce? LOL.....Divorce is simply a breakdown in family due to the breakdown of the prosperity of our country. We might have more "things" but NONE of us in the middle class are any wealthier or more prospersous on paper than our grandparents. We are saddled with debt, measly 401ks, and the laughable yearly "salary" working 60+ hour weeks replaced that solid hourly wage that guaranteed dad could spend time with his kids every week or atleast be compensated appropriately if he couldn't.
Look at TV. We are constantly being bombarded with the latest and greates. Jennifer Lopez selling the latest razor. Not to mention you must have to have the attention span of a 5 year old who high on a case of Pepsi to be able to even stomach t.v. for more than a few minutes with all the ads and commercials. Yep our country has changed and the family has been destroyed....because we have allowed it. We are a trade up society...........always moving on to the bigger and better. There are several instances where divorce is probably totally justifiable. But most of the divorces I've seen from family, friends, and co workers is due to selfishishness, arrogance, ego, greed, mistrust, lack of communication etc.
Divorce is most definitely detrimental to kids. It's bad enough growing up with two parents who work full time just to make ends meet.
You bring up a good point. My wife never wanted kids. She didn't have that maternal instinct. Even when we got married, she really wasn't into the idea of having kids. I on the other hand did, but I loved her no matter what, and realized it had to be a mutual agreement. After a year and a half being married, (we got married in 2000) her biological clock went haywire, and then all of a sudden, it was baby this, and baby that. Like to the point that she was keeping track of when she was ovulating! I don't know what triggered it. Maybe it was the fact that her uncle died of a massive coronary almost a year after we got married. Then my Grandpa died of a brain tumor shortly after, and it also was rather sudden. Then in 2002 my step brother was diagnosed with a rare form of lymphoma, and died within a month of being diagnosed. So that is about when she had a change of heart. She had also been on birth control since high school due to issues with her cycle. She went off of it, and immediately got pregnant. Unfortunately, she miscarried, and was utterly devastated. As was I. After that her resolve to get pregnant was even greater, and as soon as the waiting period was over, we tried again, and well we have our son! While it's doubtful we will have another one, as we both agree that it isn't practical right now, she is a very loving and nuturing mother.
Good for you Yes, maybe that string of deaths made her realize how short life can be and how unexpectedly it can end. In such a situation some people start to ask themselves what they have achieved in life so far and if their mere existence would be forgotten within a few decades if they did not have kids.
I understand all that, but in their perfect world no one would be allowed to divorce, and that is pure stupidity. I agree some people get married for the wrong reasons and others give up too easy but the OP's suggestion is illogocal and never going to happen since we do not live in a Thocracy, Thank GOD.
You're right. People get married for the wrong reasons. I think the reason my mom did, and my wife's mom did was to get out of the house. Too many people today tie the knott too quickly without thinking things through. I mean, sometimes you just know, and when my wife and I started dating I can honestly say I knew. But still I made damn sure that I was making the right choice and put a lot of thought into that decision, as I didn't want to end up another statistic.
OMG this study and the replies to it are so illustrative of the festering problems in not only US society but western culture in general. We are a country of lazy, greedy, out of touch, materialistic, self absorbed people. I mean think about it. People have no loyalty to anything or anyone nowadays. Our entire self worth is based on how much money we make, what kind of car we drive, what kind of clothes we wear, how much of a six pack we have or how skinny we are. Women, men it doesn't matter. The entire break down of family has been because of the entire break down fo the individual. People in general are just a mess nowadays..........you think putting two people who are a mess into a relationship and actually bringing another life into this world is going to turn out better? LMAO! Brilliant!
Adults need to wake the 'fk' up and look at how they are living in America. Stressed out, debt ridden, unhealthy, etc. From our educational system to our government to corporate America we are all sheeple and lemmings going along with whatever the billion dollar corporate advertising and marketing budgets tell us. We let our schools and our government raise our children. We let our government dictate every aspect of our lives. Church? As if god gives two craps about Americans or the "American family". Most mothers can't even cook nowadays. They are good little corporate servants who can crunch numbers and run businesses and do pretty much anything a man can do. Men can barely find the time to teach their sons how to work on cars or play a sport because they are too busy watching them and working like a dog to please their corporate masters while the government they voted for bends them over for taxes.
American society has turned into a joke. And the sad thing is how fast it has all happened. Just a few generations removed. My grandparents were both college educated without going into any debt. Grandpa had a great job with gag me with a spoon "Monsanto" retiring at 55 with a full pension. Grandma stayed home and raised the kids. Although frugal and having lived a fairly modest lifestyle unilke their McMansion devouring 21st century counterparts they afforded newere cars, an inground swimming pool, managed to put three kids through college without debt and retire without worrying whether they were going to swap their next meal for healthcare bills.
Divorce? LOL.....Divorce is simply a breakdown in family due to the breakdown of the prosperity of our country. We might have more "things" but NONE of us in the middle class are any wealthier or more prospersous on paper than our grandparents. We are saddled with debt, measly 401ks, and the laughable yearly "salary" working 60+ hour weeks replaced that solid hourly wage that guaranteed dad could spend time with his kids every week or atleast be compensated appropriately if he couldn't.
Look at TV. We are constantly being bombarded with the latest and greates. Jennifer Lopez selling the latest razor. Not to mention you must have to have the attention span of a 5 year old who high on a case of Pepsi to be able to even stomach t.v. for more than a few minutes with all the ads and commercials. Yep our country has changed and the family has been destroyed....because we have allowed it. We are a trade up society...........always moving on to the bigger and better. There are several instances where divorce is probably totally justifiable. But most of the divorces I've seen from family, friends, and co workers is due to selfishishness, arrogance, ego, greed, mistrust, lack of communication etc.
Divorce is most definitely detrimental to kids. It's bad enough growing up with two parents who work full time just to make ends meet.
Sad but true. We've become a very selfish, self-centered society. And you're talking about someone who along with his wife has a child, and both work full-time. But somehow, we do perservere. Again, as long as you can look at your spouse, and she can do the same, and say "that is my best friend, and we're a team" then it can work. It isn't always easy, but then again, nobody ever said marriage, or life in general was easy. I took the vows for better or worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, til death do us part very seriously!
Thanks for the compliment. If lifelong fidelity in marriage is "dark" and rampant divorce is "enlightened", then I say bring on the "dark ages".
Nope that is not what makes you someone from the dark ages, forcing people that do not love eachother to stay together in a marriage is what does. You have no monoply on long term marriage, you would just like to believe that you do.
Nope that is not what makes you someone from the dark ages, forcing people that do not love eachother to stay together in a marriage is what does.
Here's what I'm proposing: that all legal marriages include the vow "'til death do us part", and that the same vow be legally binding. Please note that I am not proposing that anyone be forced to get married.
This won't solve everything, of course. There's lots more work to do. But it would be a good start, instantly creating a situation whereby marriage would be taken more seriously by the general public.
Last edited by WesternPilgrim; 02-13-2012 at 12:52 PM..
Here's what I'm proposing: that all legal marriages include the vow "'til death do us part", and that the same vow be legally binding. Please note that I am not proposing that anyone be forced to get married.
This won't solve everything, of course. There's lots more work to do. But it would be a good start, instantly creating a situation whereby marriage would be taken more seriously by the general public.
Great, the consequences would be:
- people no longer getting married
- lots of odd "accidents"
Funny that conservative people keep complaining about laws and government in other threads...
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As was I. After that her resolve to get pregnant was even greater, and as soon as the waiting period was over, we tried again, and well we have our son!
While it's doubtful we will have another one, as we both agree that it isn't practical right now, she is a very loving and nuturing mother.
