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There was an episode for each of them, it looks like. Gloria's was first, then later one with Edith on her 50th birthday. Gloria's was her telling about it when she came home. Edith's was apparently one of the first times where they ever showed a portrayal of it happening on TV
Then let's make it a separate issue and never bring it up to guilt or shame a victim. The problem is it still comes up after a woman reports sexual harassment or assault.
Now that men are being accused they also should have rules of caution for themselves.
Yeah, I got rules now... I ain't planning to be alone with a woman who isn't my SO. Not in a obsessive way but just generally speaking. I don't care if that is paranoid. I've seen too much in my life to think otherwise.
No one should be blaming the victim. I don't agree with that. If merely asking what the situation is and other details constitutes victim blaming then we have a problem
Sussing out the deets is different than looking down one's nose at a person.
We have very little control over our lives and that's scary. We have no control over our mortality and that's terrifying.
So we pretend we have control. We tell ourselves that when other people get raped or murdered or robbed it's because of something THEY did. They went to the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong person wearing the wrong thing and they behaved the wrong way and that's why the Bad Thing happened to them. If I don't do those wrong things, so nothing bad will happen to me!
Little old ladies get raped. Nuns get raped. BABIES get raped. It's not about how alluring they look in their wimples or diapers. Rape isn't about sex. It's about control and power.
We have very little control over our lives and that's scary. We have no control over our mortality and that's terrifying.
So we pretend we have control. We tell ourselves that when other people get raped or murdered or robbed it's because of something THEY did. They went to the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong person wearing the wrong thing and they behaved the wrong way and that's why the Bad Thing happened to them. If I don't do those wrong things, so nothing bad will happen to me!
Little old ladies get raped. Nuns get raped. BABIES get raped. It's not about how alluring they look in their wimples or diapers. Rape isn't about sex. It's about control and power.
Those who get off on control and power over victims are more likely to target someone they perceive as weak. Stop living in fear as you are sending an easy victim message to psychos and rapists. There are no guarantees but you are less likely to be their prey. No one says “nothing bad will happen to you” if you “don’t do those wrong things” but you can certainly help limit the likelihood.
We have very little control over our lives and that's scary. We have no control over our mortality and that's terrifying.
So we pretend we have control. We tell ourselves that when other people get raped or murdered or robbed it's because of something THEY did. They went to the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong person wearing the wrong thing and they behaved the wrong way and that's why the Bad Thing happened to them. If I don't do those wrong things, so nothing bad will happen to me!
Little old ladies get raped. Nuns get raped. BABIES get raped. It's not about how alluring they look in their wimples or diapers. Rape isn't about sex. It's about control and power.
Excellent post. I would add that the power and control is then frequently utilized against the victim, yet again, when attempts to report or seek justice or just even make others aware is attempted. It is heinous when a victim of sexual assault is bullied to believe that the fault belongs to themselves.
Let's put it this way I know which can be worse of having a sexual encounter of the proper sexual orientation I'd rather not and fighting off bullies I didn't want to have anything to do with . So it's not based on any double standard or inexperience.
Yeah, I got rules now... I ain't planning to be alone with a woman who isn't my SO. Not in a obsessive way but just generally speaking. I don't care if that is paranoid. I've seen too much in my life to think otherwise.
No one should be blaming the victim. I don't agree with that. If merely asking what the situation is and other details constitutes victim blaming then we have a problem
Sussing out the deets is different than looking down one's nose at a person.
Go back to the difference between responsibility and blame.
Blaming is wrong. Taking responsibility is empowering. They are different.
Quote:
Originally Posted by bmccormick71
We have very little control over our lives and that's scary. We have no control over our mortality and that's terrifying.
So we pretend we have control. We tell ourselves that when other people get raped or murdered or robbed it's because of something THEY did. They went to the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong person wearing the wrong thing and they behaved the wrong way and that's why the Bad Thing happened to them. If I don't do those wrong things, so nothing bad will happen to me!
Little old ladies get raped. Nuns get raped. BABIES get raped. It's not about how alluring they look in their wimples or diapers. Rape isn't about sex. It's about control and power.
In response to both of these quoted posts: Chow, I have that policy with most men, I do not allow the circumstances to be set up that might make them think, "Maybe she would let me get the sex...?" I keep my boundaries in such a way that it keeps me safe. That's why I talk about, yeah, I have lots of male friends, but I'm generally never alone with them. I see them at group social events. And in these settings I tend to know tons of people, all or most of them who are there. If I got roofied, I'm pretty confident that it'd be caught and a whole bunch of people would be stepping up and stepping in, to make sure I'm ok.
To the second post here: I'm pretty sure that my own rape was about sex.
So I was 14. I got it in my head that it would be neat to dress pretty and go to the local parking lot carnival. I would be just like Star from the movie, The Lost Boys, that's what I was thinking. So I put on my tight top and my long skirts, I talked my Mom into going to the carnival at night. (My Mom was one of those "BFF" moms, not very parental.) We caught the eye of two men, who turned out to be illegal alien construction workers from rural Mexico, in their late 20's. They were good looking men, not that it mattered, but to speak perhaps to mtl's assertions...they were. Mom and I enjoyed flirting and walking around the carnival with them. My Mom gave them permission to follow us home, because she wanted to hook up with the one she'd been talking to. The one who had been talking to me, well, when Mom and her guy went to her room, he and I were left on the couch. He started making out with me. He smelled strongly of beer, and it started freaking me out. I felt panicked. (I didn't realize then, but this is likely because my father was a scary drunk...so I have an aversion to alcohol.) I tried to push away, get up, I said "No, I don't want to." He pulled me back. I said no and tried to leave multiple times and he started getting rougher, more forceful, gripping my arm, holding me so I couldn't go.
I relented, because I was, in that moment, convinced that he would beat me up if I did not let him have what he wanted. After, he passed out on the couch and I went and washed and washed. I felt the exact feeling you feel, if you step in dog crap with a bare foot. Not broken, not crying, not needing to go hide in the fetal position in a closet, just thoroughly and completely and utterly disgusted.
I went and locked myself in my room and listened to music. The next day, those men were gone. I told my Mom what had happened and how I'd felt about it, and she said, "I'm sorry you felt that way. I had a great time!" Though my Mom's guy did end up coming back, and eventually they got married, that friend of his stopped coming around but other drinking buddies of his were over a lot. I had thought about what had happened... I figured it was my fault for wanting to go cruise the carnival looking sexy late at night, and my fault for letting myself be alone with that guy. A cultural disconnect; he probably did not believe it was in fact rape. After all, I didn't hit him or scream. I wasn't even sure if it was rape, myself. Date rape, maybe.
From that, I learned not to be alone with men, that it was my responsibility to try and head off situations before they have a chance to line up, not to let men "get the wrong idea" (expectations of sex if I might not be willing) and when those other men came over, my Mom's bf's drinking buddies, I learned to move around my home with my eyes on the floor or turned away from them. If I made eye contact they would think I wanted sex. If I did not, then I could pretend I was invisible. I did not see them; they did not see me.
Whether my thinking is, or was, flawed or not...I have not been raped since. I do believe I've been able to think about situations I could be in, and possible consequences, and avoid some that could have been risky. So there is that. And I figure any situation you live to tell about, and learn something from, is a gift, since there are 100 ways a human being can snuff it. "But did you die?" Nope. I did not.
I believe that any victim of a crime has a moral and civic duty to report it immediately. Failure to do so enables the perpetrator to victimize others.
I also believe that any person she have situational awareness. I have spent countless hours discussing this with my daughter as soon as she was able to understand it. Now a college freshman, I feel much more confident in her abilities to apply these learned principles.
We have very little control over our lives and that's scary. We have no control over our mortality and that's terrifying.
So we pretend we have control. We tell ourselves that when other people get raped or murdered or robbed it's because of something THEY did. They went to the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong person wearing the wrong thing and they behaved the wrong way and that's why the Bad Thing happened to them. If I don't do those wrong things, so nothing bad will happen to me!
Little old ladies get raped. Nuns get raped. BABIES get raped. It's not about how alluring they look in their wimples or diapers. Rape isn't about sex. It's about control and power.
Bold: Those are the two things that don't cause me to worry. In fact, they are probably the two things in this world that give me pure joy.
But I'm "abnormal" according to society so there's that.
Oh yea. When some skulking bipred male gets caught for disgusting conduct all manner of excuses come up. She "was "asking for it" by wearing certain clothing. getting fouled up at a party and passing out on a bed, all manner of trying to rationalize predatory behavior. That tells me one thing. They KNOW their behavior was WRONG but acted in a manner unbefitting anyway.
There's a caveat in totally wrong behavior. Choice. Like the saying goes "if you always tell the truth you don't have to remember what you said." If one does not act in an unbefitting manner they don't have to worry about excuses. One cannot stand before God and say I was following others examples to do thus. That will not do.
It matters not a rat turd in a tornado what a woman is wearing or how her inhibited by chemicals behavior is. Or what the plethora of other excuses for totally wrong behavior are. A real MAN doesn't need any excuses because he would not even think about that behavior nor would he tolerate it from others.
Exactly. Insightful post from a man who gets it. "Nor would he tolerate it from others". Everyone knows that guy in their group of friends. The one whose sense of entitlement when it comes to sex and women is grossly disproportionate to acceptable boundaries. The one or ones who think women are there for the taking, and when they say no or rebuff they don't really mean it, they're just playing coy, because who could resist them really. The ones who will take what they want when they see an opportunity because it makes them feel powerful and alpha. The ones who know it's socially unacceptable but don't really in their heart of hearts think taking what they want is wrong. Those are the ones that justify their predatory behavior (did you see what she was wearing? She was wasted and asking for it).
Friends don't let friends drive drunk. Don't let the A holes in your world sexually assault. Too often those guys are treated like heroes and their behavior is defended as justified when they should be held accountable.
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. So it's not based on any double standard or inexperience.