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I think people who tell you what you should do, such as don't read go out and have fun, if they are close to you and probably care for you but simply cannot help themselves, are simply trying to be helpful. It is annoying as he'll, I know, I live with one. But I think it comes out of first of all trying to be protective, helpful, like it might rain take an umbrella, and it is one way of showing you care, that you are a good, helpful person.
There is no doubt they are annoying, and yes, partly it is due to the need to have everything under control all the time, take no chances kind of mental state. There is simply no cure for this. If they are important people on your life you may just have to put up with it.
What I would like to know is what is a good response ? Instead of just losing my temper I wish I could handle it better.
All joking aside I think it depends on the person and situation. There really is no one way to handle it. I know sometimes I like it when the person I am dating takes control other times I like to be in control. People who are annoying I find I don't hang out with them as much.
I think people who tell you what you should do, such as don't read go out and have fun, if they are close to you and probably care for you but simply cannot help themselves, are simply trying to be helpful. It is annoying as he'll, I know, I live with one. But I think it comes out of first of all trying to be protective, helpful, like it might rain take an umbrella, and it is one way of showing you care, that you are a good, helpful person.
There is no doubt they are annoying, and yes, partly it is due to the need to have everything under control all the time, take no chances kind of mental state. There is simply no cure for this. If they are important people on your life you may just have to put up with it.
What I would like to know is what is a good response ? Instead of just losing my temper I wish I could handle it better.
yeah, family members mean well, I think. And yep, it sure does get to be annoying. Sometimes I just act like I don't hear them, which doesn't solve the problem, I know.
See, I am a very outgoing, friendly person,. Not a shy bone in my body. However, I don't tell my friends/acquaintances what they should do in a certain area of their lives unless they ask me for advice. And even then, I don't demand that they do what I would do, in a forceful way. Maybe I should've titled this thread Forceful People instead of Controlling...
I know, in my own situation, it was said out of concern for me. Everyone thought I was making rash decisions or flat out the wrong decision. Honestly, because I valued their opinions so much, I didn't do what I originally wanted to do. Know what happened? I snapped. Ended up doing what I wanted in the first place, but in a very bad way. That taught me to be true to myself no matter how off the wall my ideas are.
Personally, when people say things like that, I don't see them as being controlling, so much as them being opinionated. I've been in a controlling relationship, what you're describing isn't controlling IMHO. Some people just think their way is the best way or the only way to do things (you've read other threads here, right?). I see those people as being stubborn, close-minded, and opinionated, but not controlling.
Just saw your last post. I wouldn't even call them forceful. Some people just feel they have a right to say anything they want. Usually, I just tell those people although I appreciate their opinion, I'm doing XYZ and that's that. If they go on, like family members might and you can't just ditch them, I'll just let them talk. Eventually they stop and I can leave or change the subject. Family can be the worst though.
They sound unhappy with something in their own life. Happy, well-adjusted people don't think/behave that way. Find new friends who are more upbeat.
perhaps controlling others is what makes those ( minority ) happy , id imagine stalin was happiest when he had the power to end peoples lives at a whim
some people are just bad - sociopathic - unusual , no reason their actions mask unhappiness
I think it is okay and fine to have opinions and to voice them. It makes like more interesting.
I would listen to what they have to say and consider whatever they are suggesting.
What they are suggesting to you may feel wrong at this moment, but you'd be surprised how you may be amenable to what they said in the future - even one week, one month, or one year from now.
those kind of people don't bombard you with opinions out of any concern for you or others , they do it because they are control freaks , a cute trick they use is of course to let on they are only concerned for your wellbeing ,in the event you tell them you don't need their opinion , they also often accuse you of being arrogant which is deeply ironic, their is nothing more arrogant than forcing your opinions on others
Hi everyone! It seems that I run across people who love to control others' lives. They have an opinion about everything:
"She should leave her husband",
"I don't know why he quit his job to go back to school! If it were me..."
"I can't believe she adopted that child. How can she afford it? She should listen to me." Blah blah blah
Unfortunately, I have a few in my life who think they know what's best for me and are very upfront about letting me know!
I'm wrong, they're right. All the time.
Have any of you ever encountered people like this? What are your thoughts? Is it that they feel out of control of their own lives, so they want to boss others around? Or do they just care so much about a person, they want to "advise" you on how to live a better life?
Life and conversation is all based on opinion. Heck, there wouldn't be any conversation at all if there were not opinion. This is a very opinionated blogging site and as you can see, I am full of statements and opinions all the time. Yes, yes and yes I have run into people who think my life should be run EXACTLY how they feel it should. "You're too fat, you're hair is too short, why do you waste money on your nails being done, you spend too much money shopping"...blah, blah, blah. When it all comes out in the wash, we all do what we want anyhow. It takes a long, long time to learn to turn a deaf ear to unwanted opinion. The secret to learning to live with it is to sort out the good advice and toss aside the advice you do not want or need. If I had to choose the advice/opinion I should have listened to it would have been when my Dad offered to walk me right out of the church when I was about to marry my first husband. FOR REAL! He said to me..."If you want, I can walk you right out of here and you don't have to do this".....I should have listened. Would have saved me 10 years of absolute misery. Sort out all this advice you keep getting and if you truly don't want it then ignore it. If you can find anything good that is being advised then take that advice and thank the giver..."That's a GREAT idea, thanks and I think I will try that"...you will be surprised how fast the unwanted stuff goes away when you take that first step and accept something they say...confused?? Well, it works. I divorced my husband and the family all of a sudden stopped giving me that unwanted advice! LOL....good luck with all this.
I think people like that have a forceful way of expressing their opinions. It could be that they think they've lived through enough in their lives to "know better" than others. It's not easy to hear their opinions sometimes, but any mentally-competent adult can just brush off their opinions and do what he/she wants.
Sometimes it's hard to brush off their comments, but I do try. Most of the people I know who are opinionated are just so...obnoxious about it, though. I wouldn't mind if someone suggested, "Hey, I know you work super-long hours, but how about we go out tonight and have fun?" Not, "GOSH!! All you do is go to bed so early every single night! That's CRAZY!! You must be depressed. Yep. You are. Get up!! You need to hang out with us. As a matter of fact, we're not taking no for an answer."
It gets to be a bit much.
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