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"GOSH!! All you do is go to bed so early every single night! That's CRAZY!! You must be depressed. Yep. You are. Get up!! You need to hang out with us. As a matter of fact, we're not taking no for an answer."
In that scenario, why not stare the person in the eyes and firmly and quietly say: "Please don't tell me what to do - You don't have that right. Have a good time." There might be some tension for a while, but it might be worth it to have that personal boundary established.
Maybe consider telling them that you rather do something else and why, like "I rather sleep a little bit more because I am feeling really tired" "I am really interested in finishing this book and I am also going out Thursday".
Being confrontational by accusing other people of being controlling has not worked for me People get very defensive when you label them. I think telling people what "they are" (you are controlling!) is closely related to "telling them what to do" because we are usually implying they should change their personality to what we think they should be.
Right now I'm watching these series of videos in Youtube which teach you how to communicate non violently. He talks about communicating our needs instead of choosing judgmental language:
Hi everyone! It seems that I run across people who love to control others' lives. They have an opinion about everything:
"She should leave her husband",
"I don't know why he quit his job to go back to school! If it were me..."
"I can't believe she adopted that child. How can she afford it? She should listen to me." Blah blah blah
Unfortunately, I have a few in my life who think they know what's best for me and are very upfront about letting me know!
I'm wrong, they're right. All the time.
Have any of you ever encountered people like this? What are your thoughts? Is it that they feel out of control of their own lives, so they want to boss others around? Or do they just care so much about a person, they want to "advise" you on how to live a better life?
1. Unhappy with their own life
2. God Complex applied to insulate themselves from thinking about
their OWN shortcomings and failures.
3. Jealousy that you can do something they cannot, so they set out
to sabotage and stop you from it.
controlling people usually have some kind of inner low self esteem. Personality disorders (cluster B) could also be a reason- NPD, BPD- but also Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder.
1. Unhappy with their own life
2. God Complex applied to insulate themselves from thinking about
their OWN shortcomings and failures.
3. Jealousy that you can do something they cannot, so they set out
to sabotage and stop you from it.
Mmhmm, I have a friend who may be jealous, or slightly envious maybe, because she always brings up the negative things that could happen to me if I follow my dreams (which I did anyway! Wrote a book, Yay!! ), and she tells me not to try new things or not to do this or that. Very frustrating.
I do agree that some people may just be scared to try new things themselves, so they don't want you to think outside the box. Also, there are some (unfortunately) who want to rule your life. They have to make sure you do what they tell you to do. It can drive you nuts.
I do agree that some people may just be scared to try new things themselves, so they don't want you to think outside the box. Also, there are some (unfortunately) who want to rule your life. They have to make sure you do what they tell you to do. It can drive you nuts.
I think if they are the same way with themselves(fearful) maybe they just want to protect you. Some people try to give advice through commands (probably because that is the way they speak to themselves) or as absolute truths(this is the way it should be) and the receiver takes it as they are trying to tell them how to live their lives.
I think there are more genuine people in the world than what we realize. We just grow up in a society where they don't teach us how to effectively communicate with each other.
Lots of people are like this. They think everyone should live their life in conformity with their ideas. They think that they are right, and if people don't do things the way they would, those people are bad, wrong and dumb.
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At least that would quiet them down for a second. They'd be stunned into silence because I hardly ever speak up. LOL!
), and she tells me not to try new things or not to do this or that. Very frustrating.
