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I work with a 30 year old guy who after dating his high school sweetheart for 10 years, married. In 2 years she dumped him. So we have a guy who does not know how to circulate. He could certainly drift for awhile. Good guy too.
I actuly can relate to the guy you work with. I don't believe it has anything to do with how we treat women as to married or not before 40 as I always treated my ex and other girlfriends before her with respect all the time. I guess they were never meant to be married to me! So here I am over 40, and never married. And yes, after dating someone you are completely comfortible with for years, thinking that in a few months you will be married, and then a break up, a guy does think wt? Now what do I do? hmmm, remember that 6 second over 220mph drag car project you wanted to do.....
Statistically a man over 35 , never married has a 50% chance he is gay. the odds increase with age. Perhaps the crush is for the unattainable?
Not to be the one to point out the obvious but maybe he is great for dinner parties, decorating, and chick flicks :-)
The only ones spewing this bs are the 1/2 of 1 percent who are *****. I know plenty of over 40 men who have never been married and none of them are remotely homosexual! We all think women are too beautiful for that bs to ever happen!
Could you please explain why you believe Marriage isnt natural ? Thank you.
Are you familiar with Vasopressin or Oxytocin? Vasopressin is a hormone involved with pair bonding in males, and Oxytocin is a hormone involved in pair bonding with females. Oxytocin is also released during orgasm, during breastfeeding, childbirth and when being touched.
Species like prairie voles which have high levels of vasopressin tend to be monogamous. Species with low levels of vasopressin aren't.
As a species we have higher levels of vasopressin than average, but not that much higher. Our nearest relatives are bonobos and chimps, neither of which are particularly monogamous.
When oxytocin is blocked in rats, the mother's stop nursing baby rats and stop recognizing their offspring as there own.
Oxytocin is why cats and dogs like being petted. The reason women like to cuddle and get so much more out of being held, is that they just have much higher levels of oxytocin than males.
But like height, different people have different base levels of these hormones. Men who are married for 50 years plus tend to have much higher levels of vasopressin than the population at large. There is dispute whether the successful marriages causes higher levels of vasopressin in males or whether the men with higher base levels of vasopressin just make more successful husbands.
Oxytocin seems to work the same way in females and again there is a dispute as to whether its the successful marriages that seem to raise the levels of oxytocin in those females or whether the higher base levels of oxytocin makes these women more committed to making marriage work.
But in any case, there is a fairly substantial part of the male population with low levels of vasopressin and a fairly substantial part of the female population with low levels of ocytocin.
Both of these populations are going to have problems making marriage work. The thing is that the dating pool isn't a representive population. The people with high levels of these hormones are going to tend to stay in relationships and the people who have low levels of these hormones are going to re-enter the dating pool.
So when someone says that marriage isn't normal. They probably are right. For them, it probably isn't.
From 24 to 35, I devoted my time and energy pretty much exclusively towards building a career. At 36, I deemed myself ready for marriage, but my elderly parents required more of my personal time. This task fell on me, because I was the only non-married sibling, and I, of course, didn't mind. Then there are my married, male co-workers who are all miserable in marriage, encoraging me to remain single. Finally, asset protection becomes an issue.
From 24 to 35, I devoted my time and energy pretty much exclusively towards building a career. At 36, I deemed myself ready for marriage, but my elderly parents required more of my personal time. This task fell on me, because I was the only non-married sibling, and I, of course, didn't mind. Then there are my married, male co-workers who are all miserable in marriage, encoraging me to remain single. Finally, asset protection becomes an issue.
I must give you kudos for looking after your Parents like that and putting them first. It was a benefit you being single during that time for sure. I look upon being Single as a REAL benefit besides ; while I am 100 percent for marriage...not all need to be married and can live very fulfilling, productive, and meaningful lives going Solo . The Bible in 1 Cor. 7 states the same and calls Singleness a blessing and a high calling. That seems to be especially true today when you look at the Divorce Rate and how few Marriages are truly working out well -- I believe the great majority of marriages that stay together end up with the Partners just putting up with each other . At least that has been my experience. While i never considered myself one who places a tremendous value on materialism...when you get to be 50 something like I am , your Assets ARE a valid consideration because they will be needed when you enter retirement which is just around the corner for many. Oftentimes, material things are cashed-in for money which goes toward ones personal retirement account. Having a divorce occur when one is close to retirement (or IN retirement) would be devastating especially when nearly all the time, the Man has brought so many more assets into the Marriage. I never though prenuptual agreements were a valid way to go, but, they make alot more sense now given the high risk of marital failure ; having been the route of marriage and divorce Im grateful for having had the experience of someones love and enjoying the many positive things about marriage...but dont have a strong desire for marriage again. A Single life can be rewarding providing there are certain people, hobbies, interests, etc...that are interwoven in ones life .
Last edited by RVlover; 09-17-2009 at 10:14 AM..
Reason: edit
If so, then he may have taken a vow of chastity, to live as a single person, even though he didn't want to become a priest. There are a lot of smart, completely decent and nice people who are just very serious about their religious life and have decided to go for this kind of devotion. They are not likely to be hoarding a big load of cash; it probably goes to the Church and to charities. This might be a sort of person a lot of non-Catholic people don't even know about, but in fact there are lots of them, and they're great for our society.
Also, let's recall that there are ways of dealing with sex drive that don't include porn and prostitutes or weirdness of various kinds. Some people try to channel the energy into other things, and by the time he's 40--especially if he's smart and successful--he's probably figured out a lot about self-control.
My question would be: does he have female friends? Does he want to have female friends? I would approach this sort of person with caution (given all of the weirdness/guardedness possibilities) and would try to get more interested in who he is, in particular, rather than trying to figure him out according to a general "type" that people already have in mind. The possibilities are endless, and he sounds pretty interesting! Try making friends without letting yourself really think that you want more than that...since maybe you really don't.
'...'Our nearest relatives are bonobos and chimps...'
REPLY: Thank you for your writeup on how biology and chemicals affect a person and their chance of having a good working marriage. There may be an element of truth to some of the things you eluded to. However, one thing I am certain of, is that Human Beings did not come from lower forms of animals ultimately arising from slimey algae thereby having no objective purpose, meaning, or intrinsic worth or dignity . Eventually, as one famous agnostic Evolutionary Scientist said , :' Macro Evolution will become known as the biggest fraud to ever perpetuate society' . Even before MacroEvolution can be viable, it takes Abiogenesis to be a reality ..but famous atheist and world reknown Biologist and Co Founder of the DNA Structure, Dr. Francis Crick, agreed that the probability of atheistic first life on earth was an incomprehensible 10x40,000 th power . I just dont have that much Faith, and I dont think anyone genuinely does. Regards.
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So here I am over 40, and never married. And yes, after dating someone you are completely comfortible with for years, thinking that in a few months you will be married, and then a break up, a guy does think wt
? Now what do I do? hmmm, remember that 6 second over 220mph drag car project you wanted to do.....
Is he Catholic?
