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If she has to have a garage sale, bake sale AND sell the good china... she needs to do it and get the best attorney she can. NOW!
The attorney needs to file an emergency injunction for full custody, support, and preventing him from coming to the home or any funny business with the assets.
Since he has been diagnosed bi-polar and is refusing meds- demand supervised visits. Untreated bi-polar disorder can become worse with stress and his stress will certainly go up if she gets the right attorney.
Also file on the mistress for alienation of affection.
He has abandoned his family for another one and doesn't get to make the decisions he's trying to make.
I understand that your friend is hurting. Send the kids for an overnight at Grandma's. If she needs to cry, scream, get drunk, whatever- get enough of the hurt out and get angry.
She has to stand up and get strong or she'll suffer and her children will suffer even more.
And she needs to be the one that tells the children. Not him.
A pity that most of the other statements on this thread vilify the man and glorify the woman. This sort of thing (all men are Bast$%^&) just contributes to the break up of marriages.
Aidxen...everytime I try to reply to you something comes up but now I got five minutes to spare.
No not all men are bastards....
In this case the husband is leaving the wife for a younger model and has the balls to decide what is in HER best interest when it should have been in his best interest to work at the marriage instead of leaving. That aside...
I personally know two women who are currently cheating on their husbands. The same advice I posted to this OP would be the same advice I would give to these women's husbands.
One is currently dating my FIL. She is waiting for her husband to die because she wants the house, pension, car, and the inheritance. She doesn't not want a dime left to her stepson. She is currently working her tentacles into my FILs pockets and a family business that she has no right in claiming ownership to.
The second one is another relative whose husband is loves her and helps raise her own four kids (none of them biologically his). Because she doesn't trust him she sleeps around and currently has been told she has HPV. She has not told him nor does she want to, yet she keeps saying he is a good man and wants to keep him. No matter what advice I give her, her reponse is she will never change her ways. The crazy thing is that her own mother died of AIDS and you would think one would actually get a 'clue'. If her husband called me today and asked my advice, I would say the same RUN NOT WALK TO THE NEAREST LAWYER.
Women are just as bad and horrible, they just do not get the notoriety for it.
So no not all men are bastards, just like not all women are innocent darlings.
Marriage cuts both ways and communication is the key. Commitment, time and getting over the bad times are all apart of it. Working as a joint unit instead of a seperate entity.Sometimes people become selfish and could care less who they hurt in order to get the so called 'happiness' they think they deserve instead of working at it.
The advice is WIN THE RACE TO THE COURTHOUSE. The parent who files FIRST forces the other parent to litigate everything in the home jurisdiction of the plaintiff, and once a parent gets any immediate temporary order, the other parent is then faced with the onus of proving circumstances to change that order.
It is very inexpensive to get a lawyer to just file the papers. It is unbelievably expensive for the other person's lawyer to reverse any stipulations in those papers.
The advice is WIN THE RACE TO THE COURTHOUSE. The parent who files FIRST forces the other parent to litigate everything in the home jurisdiction of the plaintiff, and once a parent gets any immediate temporary order, the other parent is then faced with the onus of proving circumstances to change that order.
It is very inexpensive to get a lawyer to just file the papers. It is unbelievably expensive for the other person's lawyer to reverse any stipulations in those papers.
Just remember, every state is different - what works where you are (Texas?) wouldn't necessarily be the same where the OP is (NC)
Thanks for your advice, lovesMountains. You are right on as usual and I agree with everything you've said. Over the past few days I've been able to forgive him in my own heart. But he has had the time to research and plan this, and my family is her only support, so I kind of feel like me helping her in this regard is the right thing to do (not to mention, she begged me for help). It's really all I can do from this distance. I just want her to get a lawyer so she can be as prepared as possible like he has done and they can be on equal ground. I've been careful not to trash him to her, beyond my initial reaction of putting out his things (emotion overcame me, and I've since recanted that to her.) I would offer support to him as well to the best of my abilities, except that he hates me at the moment for no seeming reason. (I was informed of this before I even heard the news about the breakup. It shocked me because the last we spoke, we ended the conversation with I love you. But he pretty much hates everyone right now - he loves to use that word - I think he's misidentifying what he feels. I think he's just hurting and like said, really needs to get back to counseling and meds. He goes through these cycles.) I have reached out to him and hopefully he's gotten the message, which was, I love him no matter what he does or says, and am here if he wants to talk.
I've sent her all the info I could but she's not responding. Probably because I'm not the bearer of good news, and I think she still has hope they will work things out. I feel like I've done all I can do now to help them both, so I'm out at this point until further notice.
Thanks again to all who have responded! I appreciate you all so much.
Last edited by MrsRhythm; 09-11-2011 at 04:45 AM..
Typical. She is numb, and in denial about the whole mess. She is exactly where I was...she thinks that if she is compliant with his wishes, that they can still work things out. Not realizing that she is being completely manipulated. She will probably even be defensive to people who try to get her to seek help, and blame them as causing more trouble in her life. Displacement of anger. It is like watching my own reaction, 15 years ago.
Not much you can do. You can take her to lunch, and lay it all out. Don't be surprised if she does not want to go.
A pity that most of the other statements on this thread vilify the man and glorify the woman. This sort of thing (all men are Bast$%^&) just contributes to the break up of marriages.
I don't believe it's about villifing one gender and glorifying the other. It's about adultery, cheating on a spouse. Whatever happened to honor and keeping the vows you made?
In the OP, the man is even trying to do in his own kid, it sounds like he's happy to go off and raise the younger woman's child instead of his own child. The minute things got a little boring and routine and dull or the first younger babe made herself available to him, knowing he was a married man and off he trots. A woman doing the same is also going to be villified.
Adultery doesn't "just happen", it's a choice one makes.
Just remember, every state is different - what works where you are (Texas?) wouldn't necessarily be the same where the OP is (NC)
In every state, once one litigant goes to court, that is established as the state of jurisdiction, and normally, no judge will touch it in another state, once a case is already in litigation. There are exceptions, and any judge can legally accept a case, but judges are very cautious about stepping on each other's toes.
For example, once a child custody or support suit is filed in State A, you will never get a judge in State B to alter the terms of any temporary orders already in place in State A, or support a litigant in State B that is in violation of a court order in State A, or even hear arguments concerning the terms that were set in State A.
There is no law nor legal precedent obstructing a judge, who in the US is lawfully empowered to do anything they damned well please and must be obeyed as if they were petty dictators, but it is a time-honored article of the judicial brotherhood, and it is pretty unrealistic to expect a judge to do otherwise.
"If another woman steals your husband, the best revenge is to let her keep him." - Dorothy Parker
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If her husband called me today and asked my advice, I would say the same RUN NOT WALK TO THE NEAREST LAWYER.
