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Yuppers, tried to talk, many many times. He thinks I'm being ridiculous, *or* he goes on the defensive, *or* he goes on the offensive and says I'm a narcissist by the literal definition of the condition (that good or bad, I assume everything that happens, happens because of me). That last one he pulls out when he's angry and it hurts so much that I don't approach the subject that much any more.
He just doesn't like me, folks. Bottom line. He may want me at times, may even have a love for me but the dude does not like me...and yeah, I know the answer to that one...just shuffling my feet and putting it off.
Jerz, I think you're putting a nice brave face on it, but you sound terribly sad.
I am. You're right. I am so lonely for a friend I can love "that way" too. I miss that so so so bad. I'm thinking it's not coming back with my DH. I'm just sort of talking out loud here. I know what the answer is here.
ETA: But I really did want to know whether a goofy girl could be sexy so I guess the answer for the most part seems to be yes...that's good to know!
I am. You're right. I am so lonely for a friend I can love "that way" too. I miss that so so so bad. I'm thinking it's not coming back with my DH. I'm just sort of talking out loud here. I know what the answer is here.
ETA: But I really did want to know whether a goofy girl could be sexy so I guess the answer for the most part seems to be yes...that's good to know!
Hugs to you JerZ - wish I could give you one in person
I am SO sorry you are feeling so rejected for just being "you".
Perhaps if he really got how bad this is and the potential it has to ruin your marriage, he'd be willing to work hard on this with a therapist?
Looks to me like this was a case of the things that attracted him to you in the first place are what are driving him nuts now that you've been married a while
Hey, it happens.
Yes, and I guess that's probably the take-home message here...shyte happens, it's nobody's fault, really. And you can never *make* a person want you. That much I already knew but I think it bears repeating. People just like a certain type of person, or not...no use turning somersaults to try to change things.
p.s. Can not rep ya again yet, dang it. ) Reps coming, folks. Soon as I'm able...
Yuppers, tried to talk, many many times. He thinks I'm being ridiculous, *or* he goes on the defensive, *or* he goes on the offensive and says I'm a narcissist by the literal definition of the condition (that good or bad, I assume everything that happens, happens because of me). That last one he pulls out when he's angry and it hurts so much that I don't approach the subject that much any more.
He just doesn't like me, folks. Bottom line. He may want me at times, may even have a love for me but the dude does not like me...and yeah, I know the answer to that one...just shuffling my feet and putting it off.
Now, wait a minute. This is sounding way too familiar. My husband is not a talker and the more I tried to get him to talk, especially about his feelings, the more problems it caused in our marriage.
Some people do not communicate well in the feelings department. You clearly do. Is it lack of practice? Yes, sometimes it is.
I have learned one thing when it comes to discussing feelings or opinions, etc...I have to take what is said to me, whether I like it or not, and not push for more details or for a different answer.
In your case, it is you who is sharing your feelings. You are probably frustrated because they, your feelings, are not being acknowledged. For the most part, this is a learned social behavior.
When you say you are not perfect, you are right. You do the same thing back to him. He tells you that there is nothing wrong, but in an indirect way, by not taking your feelings seriously. Not the most supportive route to take.
I guess the question is, who is going to break the cycle?
Yuppers, tried to talk, many many times. He thinks I'm being ridiculous, *or* he goes on the defensive, *or* he goes on the offensive and says I'm a narcissist by the literal definition of the condition (that good or bad, I assume everything that happens, happens because of me). That last one he pulls out when he's angry and it hurts so much that I don't approach the subject that much any more.
He just doesn't like me, folks. Bottom line. He may want me at times, may even have a love for me but the dude does not like me...and yeah, I know the answer to that one...just shuffling my feet and putting it off.
I am so sorry to hear this, my friend Your husband should ideally be a lot more gentle and sensitive and caring about your feelings on this matter, and not merely dismiss them out of hand, as you had described above...
Yuppers, tried to talk, many many times. He thinks I'm being ridiculous, *or* he goes on the defensive, *or* he goes on the offensive and says I'm a narcissist by the literal definition of the condition (that good or bad, I assume everything that happens, happens because of me). That last one he pulls out when he's angry and it hurts so much that I don't approach the subject that much any more.
He just doesn't like me, folks. Bottom line. He may want me at times, may even have a love for me but the dude does not like me...and yeah, I know the answer to that one...just shuffling my feet and putting it off.
Let me just say how sorry I am. I was where you were, it started after having our first child. He just gradually stopped treating me like a person he enjoyed being with. We carried on far too long in that state. I really hope you can find a way to improve your marriage and rediscover the fun and feelings that brought you together, I really do!
I can empathize. I spent over five years in a relationship with a man who simply wasn't able to communicate except on a very general level. The details aren't important but what IS important is that whenever an "issue" arose he'd simply walk away. It was only when I acted as though absolutely nothing had happened that we'd resume the relationship. The big problem was that I ended up thinking that everything was my fault and it was a very confusing time. There was no abuse either physical or mental but I felt as though I'd lost myself somewhere down the line. When we finally broke up I was relieved beyond relief. It was as though I was looking into a mirror and saying, "Oh, THERE you are again - finally!"
I wasn't at all isolated, had my own business and many wonderful friends but it was a very odd experience on an emotional level. Counseling could well help you but whether he would go along with that is of course debatable. However, you might go by yourself to get a different perspective on your relationship. I'm all for compromise but not to the extent that one half of a relationship is doing all the compromising just to placate the other. Good luck!
I dunno...the M/H is usually immediate and generally goes like ***** in private, Madonna in public. It is something you would have noticed in the beginning; it is not slow to develop--although his tastes could have changed over the years.
It is really hard to know what is on his mind without hearing his side of the story. Personally, your personality sounds like what I look for, but people change. As the relationship progresses, we start to see the other person in a different light, and sometimes ourselves as we begin to realize unfulfilled aspects of our lives. The differences in view from beginning to middle to later on in the relationship may not necessarily be bad or good, just different.
Here is my guess on the situation: he really did like you for who you were in the beginning, and probably still does. But, as the years went on and he began to change, you remained the same person as always. What he is "seeing" is that you are not growing and changing with him. And in a way, he will see that as a threat to him and perhaps to the marriage.
As for the whole farting thing, wow, you did once in ten years and you still bring it up!? In humble opinion, a couple who can fart in each other's presence is a couple who really feels comfortable being around each other.
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) Reps coming, folks. Soon as I'm able...
