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Im 45 never been married. Work at a good Government job in the IT field but I can't get a second date. Now I'm no Brad Pitt but I think women should look past looks and see me for my stability and what I could potentially bring to a relationship.
I look for a warm smile, brains and good character. What do you talk about on dates? Are you energetic, or kind, casually funny? What are your hobbies/interests? What kind of women are you asking out? Do you only go for the "hot" ones, or the ones with model looks? Do you tend to monopolize the conversation, or do you ask about her interests, and discuss them, and show interest in getting to know her?
These thread titles always amuse me. While women may in general love stable, respectable men with good jobs, that doesn't mean every stable, respectable man with a good job is guaranteed a woman.
I read this theory (I think it was on Cracked, of all places) that men develop this attitude from movies in which the hero always gets the girl. It doesn't matter if they've barely had three minutes of screen time together and they spent 2 minutes of it fighting...once the enemy is defeated and the dust settles, the girl is his prize! So you grow up watching these things and having that attitude fed to you. And of course everyone thinks they are the hero of their own story, so you start to think...wait, where's my girl? I got the promotion and the corner office...I've got to be owed one by now!
Last edited by ParallelJJCat; 05-27-2012 at 06:18 PM..
OMG LOL. The title leaves so much room open to make snide comments. I just wanted to drop in and say that. Nothing much else to add besides what you do and a generic tenet of human decency as part of your character doesn't mean you'll end up in a relationship. Much less a successful one.
In my world an average looking, available 45 year old man with a stable job is king and even can juggle multiple women. Sorry OP, but there is something off about you. Maybe your breath is terrible, you are really unattractive or you have a grating personality. You need to find a confidant to give you the truth.
These thread titles always amuse me. While women may in general love stable, respectable men with good jobs, that doesn't mean every stable, respectable man with a good job is guaranteed a woman.
I read this theory (I think it was on Cracked, of all places) that men develop this attitude from movies in which the hero always gets the girl. It doesn't matter if they've barely had three minutes of screen time together and they spent 2 minutes of it fighting...once the enemy is defeated and the dust settles, the girl is his prize! So you grow up watching these things and having that attitude fed to you. And of course everyone thinks they are the hero of their own story, so you start to think...wait, where's my girl? I got the promotion and the corner office...I've got to be owed one by now!
Ha! Sadly I feel for this trope years ago. Have to take each failure as a wake up call. Women don't want to be won over, because most already know what guy they want. Plus it actually makes guys look very desperate and that we all know, is a turn-off.
Indifference! Non-chivalry, and fearless borderline insanity seems to work far better.
You are probably boring. Even if you were ugly you would get a second date if she had a good time. I've gone on second dates with girls who I thought were average looking if she was good fun. You never know, maybe they were having a bad hair day or something.
Dating is all about personality. You have to have a base level of attractiveness and hygience. If you look great then all the better, but as long as you don't look like a ****ing corpse and you can stir up a decent conversation you will succeed.
Go on more dates. The more you go on the better you will get. NEVER give up. You will succeed in the end. I did.
This (regarding the "boring" part). I was thinking the same thing.
OP comes across as one of those "wakes up, goes to work, does his job, comes home, eats dinner and watches TV, goes to bed....rinse and repeat ad nauseam" type of guys. Yawn. Mundane people like that are nearly a universal turnoff. I also detect a sense of entitlement from the OP. That too is a turnoff to most women.
He needs to become a more interesting and imaginative person. Get out of his comfort zone, try new things, etc. Have a more varied lifestyle. Show more interest and empathy in other people and the world. However, he should do these things for his own well being and with the right attitude, not to become more attractive to women. Provided he has a decent level of confidence, doing the aforementioned things may help him become more conversational and fun. People generally prefer to be around interesting folks, and most people get bored quickly. Life is short, therefore people tend to quickly jettison the cause of their boredom.
It's also hard to tell whether the OP has good or bad character. Character has little correlation with being "stable with a good job".
Looks matter, but aren't essential. Just know how to look reasonably well put-together (which varies from person to person) without trying too hard. Good hygiene obviously is essential.
Having a good job is a "nice to have" but again isn't essential from the standpoint of a woman's potential attractiveness to you...especially a woman with a good head on her shoulders. Many men do not have good jobs (of course, "good" means different things to different people)...and are still in happy long-term relationships or marriages.
The OP can do things with his life and personality to make himself potentially more appealing to some women, but there is no magic formula for guaranteed success.
I think it's the "Sizzler for a meal" that's the problem. You don't have to go to a 5-star restaurant but "Sizzler" for a first date would have made me run the other way back in my dating years. Isn't there some place a bit funkier or more interesting you could go?
That's true. Sizzler is more of a family oriented restaurant. There must be reasonably priced places more oriented for dates.
These thread titles always amuse me. While women may in general love stable, respectable men with good jobs, that doesn't mean every stable, respectable man with a good job is guaranteed a woman.
I read this theory (I think it was on Cracked, of all places) that men develop this attitude from movies in which the hero always gets the girl. It doesn't matter if they've barely had three minutes of screen time together and they spent 2 minutes of it fighting...once the enemy is defeated and the dust settles, the girl is his prize! So you grow up watching these things and having that attitude fed to you. And of course everyone thinks they are the hero of their own story, so you start to think...wait, where's my girl? I got the promotion and the corner office...I've got to be owed one by now!
This is so very true. TV and the movies have most definitely warped our expectations when it comes to dating and relationships. We all deny it, but the media has a much bigger influence on our attitudes than we care to admit.
If women love stable, respectable, men with good jobs why am I still single?
Im 45 never been married. Work at a good Government job in the IT field but I can't get a second date. Now I'm no Brad Pitt but I think women should look past looks and see me for my stability and what I could potentially bring to a relationship.
Unless there is some distinctive physical feature not mentioned here (just being real with you), physical appearance doesn't matter half as much as people like to claim. My guess would be it has something to do with your personality. I've gotten way more gfs by being funny, witty, silly, etc. than by exhibiting how I'm smart, responsible, charitable, hard-working, respectable, etc. (egotistical? lol) Try and go by this formula:
Be mostly charming and occasionally show you're a good guy to win them.
Once you have them, focus on being a good guy and occasionally charming to keep them.
ETA: And stop Vic from talking to himself! (This thread is OLD)
Im 45 never been married. Work at a good Government job in the IT field but I can't get a second date. Now I'm no Brad Pitt but I think women should look past looks and see me for my stability and what I could potentially bring to a relationship.
Even women have to have more than those three qualities. I'm an IT guy. And from my years of experience working with typical IT guys, they are super boring and corny. Many have a superiority complex to me. If you're the typical IT guy, that's probably your issue. You gotta be fun and funny. And not that Big Bang Theory funny. Get into fitness. Smell good and look like you're trying to attract the opposite sex. Good luck in your age group though. May find a lot of divorced women with kids already.
Oh! And Happy Memorial Day to everyone.
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