how do we get rid of this paranoid woman? will you stay home and have a maid if you could? (loving, young)
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You would probably get screwed either way in a divorce, but if she quits working now and you get divorced 15-20+ years down the road, you're going to get especially screwed over alimony payments, since the judge will decide that she has lost most of her earning potential from being out of the workforce for so long. So that will be another $60,000/yr. you'll have to pay on top of whatever else you are made to pay. At least that's how it goes in some states I am familiar with.
If she wants to work, I wouldn't try to stop her.
This is exactly my take on it also. At best she should get another job and keep working to keep from being bored.
You should be insisting that she does so you don't get screwed later on when and if the divorce happens.
My sister is in a similar sitch...sort of, it's just 15 years into the marriage...she doesn't work, raises the kids, doesn't work at a 8-5, takes care of everything at home etc.
I can certainly appreciate that. I was just worried about her "doing it all" and being exhausted. I suppose if she really needed the help, she'd get it.
Also, I simply do NOT understand people who insist people who don't work would get bored.
Doing it all and being exhausted, really. There are many of us out there who work full time and take care of the kids, and do all the house work as well as worry abut how the bills will be paid. I dont see how being a SAHM or especially a SAHW would be so exhausting that you could'nt clean your house.
I dont know how the OPs gf would get bored either, she has made best friends with his two dogs.
Hmm... I really do hope this is a real story, I find it sweet that you want your wife to enjoy life and not having to do anything that she doesn't want to do. I can think of many things one can do to stay active and have fun at home, writing a book, blogging, CD Forum ^__^, gardening, shopping, traveling to exotic places, start a line of home made jewelry line, etc etc.
However, judging from the quality of the writing, the story does not seem authentic... I've dated a few mid-level managers, VPs, and co-chairs of various sized companies who make comparable salaries to OP. Maybe I'm stereotyping, but successful corporate types share similar qualities: witty, charismatic, good writer and speaker, highly educated, confident (of course, some of those have egos the size of Texas). Even their texts are well-written and highly quotable. I don't know what line of work the OP does, but I can't see him earning 800k a year, sorry. X_X
I would LOVE to see a truly down to Earth and loving millionaire though.
I earn $ 800,000 per year. my girlfriend earns $60,000 per year. So when we get married, I would like her to stay home-no need for her to go to work when I can spend for both of us comfortably and also because she has to wake up at 5am on workdays and she returns home around 7pm so she does not like her job much and I hate to see her so tired- She just holds on to it because she want the money to live (her father is retired, her mother is a housewife she is the only child)
we have discussed this and she would like to stay home too(I ll be more than happy to spend for her parents. very kind, loving couple just like my parents)
I want to hire a maid to do washing, cleaning etc.at 1st she didn't agree saying she will be home so she can do the housework.But after making her understand that I would like her to relax and enjoy life and do what she likes instead of chores like washing dishes, clothes and sweeping floors she agreed.(I do feel bad about the majority who have to do what they don't enjoy and I do give for charities and if you enjoy washing dishes,im sorry if im offending you its just that my gf doesn't enjoy those)
She won't be bored at home. she already has a great friendship with my two dogs. she ll take them to walks, do volunteer work at the local animal shelter and the elderly home, cook and bake, do gardening work, read, visit her parents who are nearby, go to gym etc those are what she loves to do.
The problem is, one of her co workers feeds her opinions to my gf and makes it very hard for my gf to work. She s got 3 close friends and 2 are happy that she is getting a loving husband and a comfy life but the other one seems very jealous from what I hear. Seems she keeps saying my girlfriend that I cheat and I do these things for her out of guilt or im trying to buy her love or what happens if we get divorced or she says my girlfriend is a gold digger. And when she goes home this woman texts my gf saying these things! I ve seen her texts. when we are out on a date, she ll text nonstop!
well, I wouldn't ever cheat on her, I ve being in love with her for 8 years and no other woman interests me, I don't want to buy her love because she loves me enough already and im not insecure in anyway (looks, age, sexual performance etc) and we will not be divorced because I ll be crazy to divorce a woman like her and she wont want to divorce me because she loves me very much. My girlfriend is not a gold digger. She is an educated and simple woman who didn't even know what I earn what car I use etc when she fell in love with me. This friend seems jealous to me because she wouldn't let go even though my gf explained everything to her.
So my questions are,
if you are a man, if you earned what I earn you would like her to stay home and you ll provide her every comfort which you can afford right? Wrong?
If you are a woman and if you are in the position of my gf ( tiring job, do have lots of things to do at home, husband want to give you a comfy life) you will stay home and would agree to have a maid right? Wrong?
(those two questions are asked so that I can show the answers to my gf.i know she is bothered. she is a mild mannered crowd pleaser type of woman who wants to please everyone
Some Rich celebrities like actors, sportsmen, singers, directors etc have housewives and they also have lots of maids, those wives often get gifts worth millions too. so this friend of my gf is ok with them, but not with us. so don't you think that shows how jealous she is?
How do we deal with this paranoid woman? I don't want her to be bothering my gf.these are the months we should use to plan our wedding.
Why are you both even bothering with these so-called friends? What you both do and decide to do in your marriage is nobody's business but yours. I assume you are both adults, then think like them!
I lived abroad for years (Far East) because of my husband's job and was quite happy to have maids in the house doing the washing, cooking and general house-work and when I wanted to do other things looking after my very precious children. I took full advantage of all this free time and went to various classes, visited museums etc. etc. It was great to come home to a beautifully prepared and cooked meal and enjoy it with my husband and children, we always had so much to talk about. It's your life! Live it as you want and enjoy it!
You would probably get screwed either way in a divorce, but if she quits working now and you get divorced 15-20+ years down the road, you're going to get especially screwed over alimony payments, since the judge will decide that she has lost most of her earning potential from being out of the workforce for so long. So that will be another $60,000/yr. you'll have to pay on top of whatever else you are made to pay. At least that's how it goes in some states I am familiar with.
If she wants to work, I wouldn't try to stop her.
Just how romantic can you be! They're not even married yet
8-5 housekeeper yes, live in maid, no. Housekeeper takes care of all the house stuff, arranges cleaning people, pool guy, gardener etc, answers the phone, get mail, picks up kids whatever. More useful but if you haven't felt the need for one yet, not quite sure how sustained this income is unless in Texas that only gets you a box house in subdivision which would seem a bit odd. Anyway, get someone for both of you, not just for her.
if you are a man, if you earned what I earn you would like her to stay home and you ll provide her every comfort which you can afford right? Wrong?
No, not really. I'd just want to put her in a position to do the things she wanted.
Working is not necessarily "difficult", or something everyone avoids. Many people work to feel useful and needed. You state that she will not get bored, as if it were your decision to make; that seems rather odd to me.
I think it's interesting how people equate work to purpose. I'm going to have to agree with another one of the posters who basically said only a boring person would get bored. I can think of PLENTY of meaningful, interesting, and enriching activities to occupy myself with that do not include punching in to someone's time clock. That's like people who say if they hit the lottery (for a substantial amount) they would still work. To each his or her own I guess.
Anyhoo...OP I think it's great what you're doing but only you and her know what will work for your relationship. So I wouldn't force anything on her that she doesn't want. You already mentioned she hates her job so that shouldn’t be an issue. As for the maid...just let her do what she feels comfortable with at first and you can always change it up later.
Btw, if things don’t work out with that very lucky lady, I am single and take absolutely NO issue with staying home, having a maid, or any other bright ideas you may come up with to make my life easier. #ShamelessPlug
One of my ex's was very wealthy. I lived in a very large house by myself with the cat. We had a maid come in once a week to mop (all marble) and do light cleaning. We were out alot so the house wasn't a mess at all or anything like that but he didn't want me doing anything.
I ain't gonna lie-the money, cars, jewelry, etc was great for a while and then it got very boring. You could only shop so much to entertain yourself. I should have had him pay for school..Oh to be able to go back in time!!!
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Some girls have all the luck!
