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I earn $ 800,000 per year. my girlfriend earns $60,000 per year. So when we get married, I would like her to stay home-no need for her to go to work when I can spend for both of us comfortably and also because she has to wake up at 5am on workdays and she returns home around 7pm so she does not like her job much and I hate to see her so tired- She just holds on to it because she want the money to live (her father is retired, her mother is a housewife she is the only child)
we have discussed this and she would like to stay home too(I ll be more than happy to spend for her parents. very kind, loving couple just like my parents)
I want to hire a maid to do washing, cleaning etc.at 1st she didn't agree saying she will be home so she can do the housework.But after making her understand that I would like her to relax and enjoy life and do what she likes instead of chores like washing dishes, clothes and sweeping floors she agreed.(I do feel bad about the majority who have to do what they don't enjoy and I do give for charities and if you enjoy washing dishes,im sorry if im offending you its just that my gf doesn't enjoy those)
She won't be bored at home. she already has a great friendship with my two dogs. she ll take them to walks, do volunteer work at the local animal shelter and the elderly home, cook and bake, do gardening work, read, visit her parents who are nearby, go to gym etc those are what she loves to do.
The problem is, one of her co workers feeds her opinions to my gf and makes it very hard for my gf to work. She s got 3 close friends and 2 are happy that she is getting a loving husband and a comfy life but the other one seems very jealous from what I hear. Seems she keeps saying my girlfriend that I cheat and I do these things for her out of guilt or im trying to buy her love or what happens if we get divorced or she says my girlfriend is a gold digger. And when she goes home this woman texts my gf saying these things! I ve seen her texts. when we are out on a date, she ll text nonstop!
well, I wouldn't ever cheat on her, I ve being in love with her for 8 years and no other woman interests me, I don't want to buy her love because she loves me enough already and im not insecure in anyway (looks, age, sexual performance etc) and we will not be divorced because I ll be crazy to divorce a woman like her and she wont want to divorce me because she loves me very much. My girlfriend is not a gold digger. She is an educated and simple woman who didn't even know what I earn what car I use etc when she fell in love with me. This friend seems jealous to me because she wouldn't let go even though my gf explained everything to her.
So my questions are,
if you are a man, if you earned what I earn you would like her to stay home and you ll provide her every comfort which you can afford right? Wrong?
If you are a woman and if you are in the position of my gf ( tiring job, do have lots of things to do at home, husband want to give you a comfy life) you will stay home and would agree to have a maid right? Wrong?
(those two questions are asked so that I can show the answers to my gf.i know she is bothered. she is a mild mannered crowd pleaser type of woman who wants to please everyone
Some Rich celebrities like actors, sportsmen, singers, directors etc have housewives and they also have lots of maids, those wives often get gifts worth millions too. so this friend of my gf is ok with them, but not with us. so don't you think that shows how jealous she is?
How do we deal with this paranoid woman? I don't want her to be bothering my gf.these are the months we should use to plan our wedding.
I would not feel comfortable with a maid either. At least not a live-in one or a daily one. You can hire maids on a part-time basis or sort of custom order where they only do A, B, C, and you can do X, Y, Z and they only come on certain days or certain intervals.
If your GF doesn't have kids while you're married, yes, it can get boring staying at home if you don't have a lot of friends or other things going on. That doesn't mean she can't get other things started up though. A part-time job where she can keep up her skills is most ideal though.
As for getting rid of the paranoid, crazy friend you two should just ignore her or tell her outright to stop being so negative and unsupportive.
Your gf needs to tell her friend to stop interfering , or just stop talking to her altogether. The friend does sound extremely jealous and does not want the best for your gf, only for herself.
The maid can be someone who comes and cleans the house twice a week and is fairly unattractive.
No matter how much my husband makes, I would still not feel secure or fulfilled unless I had my own career. If I was your fiancee I would look for (or train for) a professional position I really enjoyed and say yes to the housekeeping staff.
You would probably get screwed either way in a divorce, but if she quits working now and you get divorced 15-20+ years down the road, you're going to get especially screwed over alimony payments, since the judge will decide that she has lost most of her earning potential from being out of the workforce for so long. So that will be another $60,000/yr. you'll have to pay on top of whatever else you are made to pay. At least that's how it goes in some states I am familiar with.
With no kids, she will get awful bored being off all day, busybodying around, and spending those $$. Not such a fulfilling lifestyle. She may just seek out attention elsewhere if you work alot also.
Why are you so set on having her stay home? A man earning serious $$ needs to make serious considerations these days.
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If you are a woman and if you are in the position of my gf ( tiring job, do have lots of things to do at home, husband want to give you a comfy life) you will stay home and would agree to have a maid right? Wrong?
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YES YES YES OMG YES My ex (yay!!!) wouldn't LET me get a maid because he somehow thought I should be happy working AND cleaning the house.
I think the attitude you have is awesome and loving and what EVERY man should do for his wife. You are great and CONGRATULATIONS on the marriage. I hope you guys are so happy together!
Personally, I would spend time at home starting a business part-time or gardening or doing another hobby I enjoy and REJOICE daily at my freedom from wage slavery and mental abuse. If you are in a big house, it is also DIFFICULT and ridiculous to clean it yourself. How can you spend all day cleaning?
I know a few people who have cleaners and/or nannies, and I think it is civilized and shows the husband cares for the wives. Why should the wife clean and do laundry? In my case, the women both work, but I think if the wife works at home, it is acceptable too.
W/ the salary you have, you probably have a big house. I would probably take days to clean in properly, and why should your wife do that? She can spend her time taking classes, starting a small business (if she wants) or taking care of you and/or the children.
OMG I feel like hugging you!!!
When I got married to my ex-husband (yay!!) I had a friend who was really jealous. In her case I think she was jealous because she had wanted to get married and have children really badly for years, and I was a shoulder to cry on.
My husband was not wealthy and generous like YOU o' awesome future hubby...so she was out of her mind...but sadly our friendship ended.
A jealous person who is unable to be happy for her friend can be jealous for any reason...so it is good if the wife's friendship w/ her cools off anyway. People liek that are potential sabotagers and bad to have around, anyway.
LOTS OF LUCK on the new marriage AND BTW pls get a prenuptial agreement and/or consult with a lawyer before the Wedding. I do not want to be a downer, but you need to do it just in case. THe lawyer can advise you want to do to protect assets etc in the Unlikely event of a divorce.
I still wouldn't want a full-time maid if I didn't work and stayed at home. It would just feel weird. A part-time maid maybe. I suppose if my outside of the home non-work/non-childrearing activities kept me so busy that I didn't have time to clean then I would be okay with the maid, but still not everyday!
eta: If he has or gets a prenup, then that introduces the idea of divorce into the picture (which is completely unromantic btw), so then it's even more imperative that she continue working full-time and keep her job (protecting herself) or if she quits her job and starts a business make sure that's included in the prenup as well.
Hell no. I'd take the maid, definitely. But I'd work.
Your post sounds pretty far-fetched.
This.
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