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My sister is in a similar sitch...sort of, it's just 15 years into the marriage...she doesn't work, raises the kids, doesn't work at a 8-5, takes care of everything at home etc. Her husband, works his butt off and I have no idea how much he makes, but from appearances and such, he's doing REALLY OK.
I asked her last year why she didn't get a maid to help her with the big house and she said she simply didn't want anyone in her house. She is very particular. I can certainly appreciate that. I was just worried about her "doing it all" and being exhausted. I suppose if she really needed the help, she'd get it. So, as others suggested, perhaps having someone come in once a week and do the icky stuff like dusting and scrubbing and such but your wife/gf can do the everyday things.
Also, I simply do NOT understand people who insist people who don't work would get bored. I think those with no imagination would get bored but seriously, having a situation like this would not be boring. Here you have a loving man who suggests a comfy lifestyle and some say she would hate it. Uh, not any woman I know, myself included.
As he said, she would do those things that interest her, including charities and her own causes. She would be there for both sets of parents should they need support or company. When they have children, that will take up most of her time. Bored? Only if she's unimaginative. Oh, the money helps with that boredom, not gonna lie, but I still think she should relax.
Her friend is not her friend if by reasoning with her and giving her the facts, she still gives her crap. That's a very negative approach if she really cared about the outcome of her friends' life. I say, move on...which should be easy to do once the gf leaves the job.
I don't have any idea how old you are, but I do know you have zero experience when it comes to dealing with a woman. You say you will never divorce because she loves you so much. You are dead wrong, period. There is NEVER a guarantee that won't happen. If you don't allow her to continue working you are making a huge mistake. How would you like the court telling you to pay alimony of $400,000 a year to someone who suddenly became a different person that you hated? You wouldn't be the first person this has happened to. Don't fall into that trap, use your head and sign a prenuptial agreement before you get married. You have a lot to lose and could very easily lose it, even if you think you can't. As far as a maid goes, I wouldn't consider it unless your wife is working, then it would help her a great deal. If she is home everyday by herself with nothing to do she will get bored and find something to occupy her time and your money.
After writing an answer to your post I discussed this situation with my wife. Her response was "let your wife work if she wants to, she will feel more self worth". She then asked if I had mentioned how old I am, and when I said no, she laughed and said maybe you should have told him how old you are and that you have been through it all. I'll say it again, there are no guarantees in life, prepare for the worst and hope for the best. Your post reminds me of the young women that marry an alcoholic thinking their love will change him, it never does...
Last edited by Nite Ryder; 01-11-2012 at 11:15 AM..
If you are a woman and if you are in the position of my gf ( tiring job, do have lots of things to do at home, husband want to give you a comfy life) you will stay home and would agree to have a maid right? Wrong?
I would take you up on the maid, but I would find a job I liked better that was closer to home or start a new career entirely, as my being entry level wouldn't matter. Me, personally, I'm a writer, and I already work from home, so it wouldn't make a lick of difference to me.
However, I would not stop making my own money entirely.
If it is important to your fiancee to have a career or make her own money, you should respect that. Imagine if the situation were reversed. Would you want to be pressured into giving up something that is important to you?
If I'm not mistaken, hasn't the OP posted before about providing for a woman while she's off traveling or some such?
Okay, so you make enough money that your ladyfriend doesn't have to work. That's fine, but what's important in this situation is that she's doing something fulfilling with her life that she wants to do. That may be not working and volunteering, or her finding a different job that uses her skills and makes her happy. She may very well be happy cleaning her own toilet. She might not want to be a Real Housewife of whereever you are just to prove to the world (or you?) what a great provider you are.
I cannot imagine any circumstance in which I'd want a full-time, live-in maid. None. Your bride-to-be can suck it up and do the dishes when you're not around and you can do them when you're there. There are dish washing machines that do much of the work for you. (Frankly, the dish washing thing makes me suspect this is all wishful thinking.)
You can get a maid service to clean your house as often as necessary. We used to have them come in weekly for a half day (8 man hours total), but you can adjust that to whatever is necessary to get the job done, just like you might hire a lawn service weekly or whatever.
I'd encourage your soon-to-be wife to do whatever is necessary to get a job she enjoys with reasonable hours. She can use her relatively small income for specific purposes, such as to treat both of you to a fantastic vacation each year, sock it away, invest in stocks or a business, etc., etc. We all need a purpose in life, and until we know what that is, a job is good for the soul.
I cannot imagine any circumstance in which I'd want a full-time, live-in maid. None. Your bride-to-be can suck it up and do the dishes when you're not around and you can do them when you're there. There are dish washing machines that do much of the work for you. (Frankly, the dish washing thing makes me suspect this is all wishful thinking.)
You can get a maid service to clean your house as often as necessary. We used to have them come in weekly for a half day (8 man hours total), but you can adjust that to whatever is necessary to get the job done, just like you might hire a lawn service weekly or whatever.
I'd encourage your soon-to-be wife to do whatever is necessary to get a job she enjoys with reasonable hours. She can use her relatively small income for specific purposes, such as to treat both of you to a fantastic vacation each year, sock it away, invest in stocks or a business, etc., etc. We all need a purpose in life, and until we know what that is, a job is good for the soul.
Are you kidding? If I can get a live-in maid, who simply collects my underwear and socks, washes them and hands them back to me, I'll do anything in the world for her. We're talking ANYTHING
If I'm not mistaken, hasn't the OP posted before about providing for a woman while she's off traveling or some such?
Okay, so you make enough money that your ladyfriend doesn't have to work. That's fine, but what's important in this situation is that she's doing something fulfilling with her life that she wants to do. That may be not working and volunteering, or her finding a different job that uses her skills and makes her happy. She may very well be happy cleaning her own toilet. She might not want to be a Real Housewife of whereever you are just to prove to the world (or you?) what a great provider you are.
You would probably get screwed either way in a divorce, but if she quits working now and you get divorced 15-20+ years down the road, you're going to get especially screwed over alimony payments, since the judge will decide that she has lost most of her earning potential from being out of the workforce for so long. So that will be another $60,000/yr. you'll have to pay on top of whatever else you are made to pay. At least that's how it goes in some states I am familiar with.
If she wants to work, I wouldn't try to stop her.
If he lives in Texas, she gets $36,000 a year tops and I'm willing to bet that this won't be adjusted for inflation soon.
If he lives in Texas, she gets $36,000 a year tops and I'm willing to bet that this won't be adjusted for inflation soon.
She would get half his assets being married to him for that long.
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