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My family is not from the U.S., and although I was born here, I have strong European roots. What I've noticed:
Most dyed-in-the-wool Americans are avid consumers. They would rather have a bunch of cheap things rather than save up and purchase one really nice thing. That sense of "gotta have it!" prevails even when it comes to partners, and they make all the wrong choices based on superficial, temporal things, such as looks, money, style, profession, etc.
When those temporal things fade away, they're left with a bum steer. Or, they can't find anything to appreciate in their partner, even though it might be there. "My current wife is willing to take care of me in my golden years? Scr*w that! I want a twenty-year-old hottie/my old GF from high school I connected with on Facebook/the woman at the office, and I want her NOW."
Americans don't see with the heart. They assess with their eyes and what's in their wallet (or what's not in it). Their judgment is further clouded by romantic movies, books and music that lauds limerence over loyalty, never knowing that real love is nothing like that.
And pardon me if I sound as though I'm generalizing; I realize that this is not true for all people in the U.S. BTW, my S.O. is not American.
Yeah, other crazy movies like "Pretty Woman" and "Maid in Manhattan," I'm sure there are more.
Quote:
Originally Posted by robertpolyglot
Saw "Pretty Woman" at someone's house - the ONLY redeeming scene was when the maitre d' caught something in mid-air as Julia Roberts was cracking it open (shellfish, don't remember), saving her the embarrassment.
"Maid in Manhattan" was on a coast-to-coast flight in the economy cabin. Yeah, a probable pairing.
Wait, I just thought of "Blame It On Rio." Even LESS probable.
Lets not mingle Hollywood with real life. I think as adults we know the difference in real life and romantic fantasies. They are fantasies because we know they are likely unattainable, like winning the lottery and having super powers. I think the problem is getting two people together that both understand that reality takes commitment, patience, and work.
We, as a culture, are narcissistic and not as satisfied with just living a good life as in prior decades. We crave variety, listen too much to Hollywood and have entirely too much sexual stimilus around us to remain faithful for a long time...
And since we are also living longer, how easy is it to stay married to the same person for 45+ years?
All of that said, I disagree with it. I value marriage and persistence.
1. Humans are not a naturally monogamous species, thus the very fact we live longer makes us more prone to wanting a change
2. Society accepts divorce, unlike almost any time in history, where women were tightly controlled by expectations and lack of freedom
3. The more financially independent women become the more they can simply divorce and carry on with their life, freeing them up to marry again
4. People expect too much from their relationship, when it doesn't meet their high expectations, they leave
There is a huge social stigma attached to people with multiple failed marriages so don't be fooled into thinking it's acceptable. Hollywood may glorify it but in real life, most people think poorly of those who have married more than 3 times.
4. People expect too much from their relationship, when it doesn't meet their high expectations, they leave.
I'd also like to add to this:
5. People look at life crises to ditch their spouse when something happens that's beyond the spouse's control. Has your H/W been diagnosed with a chronic illness? Lost their job? Lost use of their legs? Forget about sticking around. They're dragging you down!
I once knew a woman who divorced her husband because he had ED. He was almost 50, at an age when this is expected to happen. His insurance didn't cover Viagra, so they had to pay for it out of pocket, and because they had to mete out the medication (it's very expensive), she wasn't getting "enough." Yes, really.
Moreover, she took his ED personally, not comprehending that this condition is something men cannot help. It's just a natural part of the aging process, like balding and wrinkles. I tried to talk to her about it, but ... nope. She wasn't going to listen.
This kind of reasoning makes me wonder about people.
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I think the problem is getting two people together that both understand that reality takes commitment, patience, and work.
