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Well, it's not great, but not necessarily a disaster.
While the knee-jerk reaction is to think of her as fickle, I'd give it enough time to see what happens.
See, if she were 100% sure about you, she'd be turning any and all other offers down.
So the bad news is, she's not 100% sure.
But the good news is, she could be at least 75% sure and is just wanting to take steps to be 100% convinced that getting back together with you is the right choice.
And really honey, you do want her to be sure before you risk your heart again, okay?
I told her "I'm not going to tell you what to do. If you need to see this guy, then do it." I tried really hard to not panic, but she could tell that I didnt like the idea. I didn't get mad, but she could tell I didnt like the idea based off of my changed tone. I couldnt hide the fact that this bothered me, probly hurt me. But, she asked me if this made me mad, sad, hurt, etc. i said no, cus I want her to make the decision based on what she wants, not what I want.
If she IS honest, and comes clean and says she will have dinner with this guy, I honestly don't think I could handle that. I don't know, but at this point, I feel like I am being taken for granted/advantage of.
She said she needed some time to think about this.
What is there to think about? It is obvious you are correct, even though we had a great weekend, she is not 100% about me. I guess I will have my answer about this soon.... if she is honest....
Why dont you find someone who respects your feelings and ideals in a relationship? You two are obviously not on the same page. She should be dating someone who hangs out with their ex's, friends that are girls etc too. I'm wondering how she would feel if the tables were turned and you were going to dinner with a girl you hooked up with.
I told her "I'm not going to tell you what to do. If you need to see this guy, then do it." I tried really hard to not panic, but she could tell that I didnt like the idea. I didn't get mad, but she could tell I didnt like the idea based off of my changed tone. I couldnt hide the fact that this bothered me, probly hurt me. But, she asked me if this made me mad, sad, hurt, etc. i said no, cus I want her to make the decision based on what she wants, not what I want.
If she IS honest, and comes clean and says she will have dinner with this guy, I honestly don't think I could handle that. I don't know, but at this point, I feel like I am being taken for granted/advantage of.
She said she needed some time to think about this.
What is there to think about? It is obvious you are correct, even though we had a great weekend, she is not 100% about me. I guess I will have my answer about this soon.... if she is honest....
oh, and if this situation didn't involve an ex "dating situation with an intimate but open relationship", I wouldnt mind nearly 10%.
This is almost worse then the original problem from the OP. I was nervous about a "friend", now it has turned into a "ex-dating mess".
Why dont you find someone who respects your feelings and ideals in a relationship? You two are obviously not on the same page. She should be dating someone who hangs out with their ex's, friends that are girls etc too. I'm wondering how she would feel if the tables were turned and you were going to dinner with a girl you hooked up with.
If it was that easy, I would. I think every relationship has challenges, and making a wishlist out of a person in not realistic. I am trying to deal with and compremise on this relationship. This whole thread is based on trust, and accepting of the s/o having opposite sex friends. But how far does someone push the envelope? geez....
Oh, and I very nicely did ask her how she would feel if an ex of mine contacted me for dinner plans. She didnt really seem to enjoy the idea, but it didnt change her thought process on meeting up with her "ex soandso".
Last edited by AverageGuy2006; 06-06-2012 at 01:56 PM..
Reason: addition
I told her "I'm not going to tell you what to do. If you need to see this guy, then do it." I tried really hard to not panic, but she could tell that I didnt like the idea. I didn't get mad, but she could tell I didnt like the idea based off of my changed tone. I couldnt hide the fact that this bothered me, probly hurt me. But, she asked me if this made me mad, sad, hurt, etc. i said no, cus I want her to make the decision based on what she wants, not what I want.
If she IS honest, and comes clean and says she will have dinner with this guy, I honestly don't think I could handle that. I don't know, but at this point, I feel like I am being taken for granted/advantage of.
She said she needed some time to think about this.
What is there to think about? It is obvious you are correct, even though we had a great weekend, she is not 100% about me. I guess I will have my answer about this soon.... if she is honest....
Seriously, what I would do is stay cool - don't panic - women can smell fear in a man and it automatically turns us off (sorry, it's just biology).
Women generally respect a man more when he knows how to state his boundaries without any attempt to manipulate or control.
You simply say, "I've thought about it and I'm not okay with you going to meet this guy right after we have pretty much decided to reconcile. You do what you have to do, and maybe later down the line you'll be more ready for a relationship. Right now, I'm not interested in watching you figure out your feelings. See you later."
Then you walk away with you head held high.
Don't be the guy who is so clingy and needy that you let her see you hanging around waiting for her to choose you.
Choose HER, after she proves herself worthy of being chosen.
If it was that easy, I would. I think every relationship has challenges, and making a wishlist out of a person in not realistic. I am trying to deal with and compremise on this relationship. This whole thread is based on trust, and accepting of the s/o having opposite sex friends. But how far does someone push the envelope? geez....
Exactly, if she's pushing your buttons, knows its bothering you, and still doesn't care...shes inconsiderate and probably selfish (wants to have it all) and I doubt you want to be with someone like that.
Again, I have to wonder how she would feel if you were having dinner with an ex/hookup whatever?
Exactly, if she's pushing your buttons, knows its bothering you, and still doesn't care...shes inconsiderate and probably selfish (wants to have it all) and I doubt you want to be with someone like that.
Again, I have to wonder how she would feel if you were having dinner with an ex/hookup whatever?
I respect that opinion and there is some truth to that. See, I don't tell my girl who she can and can't hang out with. I'm not her boss. However, if every friend was a guy and, if that was the case, she would obviously have to know that "any" guy wouldn't like that.
See, I give my girl the option and she doesn't abuse my trust. That's how I know it works. If on the other hand, she had all guy friends and would be with them more than me, then yes, I would consider her pretty selfish and not too in tact with how I would feel. Then I would probably leave her. Just some food for thought. It's not games, but you give someone a little rope to see if they are going to hang you with it (abuse that option), or pull you up with it. I hope that makes sense.
If it was that easy, I would. I think every relationship has challenges, and making a wishlist out of a person in not realistic. I am trying to deal with and compremise on this relationship. This whole thread is based on trust, and accepting of the s/o having opposite sex friends. But how far does someone push the envelope? geez....
Oh, and I very nicely did ask her how she would feel if an ex of mine contacted me for dinner plans. She didnt really seem to enjoy the idea, but it didnt change her thought process on meeting up with her "ex soandso".
Proof of double standards and probably not so kosher talk/plans with her ex.
Wise up and drop that mess.
I definitely would not commit to an exclusive relationship with that kind of person. Hanging out with ex's and laughing in your face when you ask to come along and telling you that he "has something to tell her"...
Actions speak louder than words. She is carrying on in conversations with the ex to stimulate a dinner date and having a "serious conversation alone"
Really...open your eyes dude.
There are tons of girls out there that don't act like this even if they do hang out with opposite sex friends. Find that chick and stop wasting your time with this trash.
Seriously, what I would do is stay cool - don't panic - women can smell fear in a man and it automatically turns us off (sorry, it's just biology).
Women generally respect a man more when he knows how to state his boundaries without any attempt to manipulate or control.
You simply say, "I've thought about it and I'm not okay with you going to meet this guy right after we have pretty much decided to reconcile. You do what you have to do, and maybe later down the line you'll be more ready for a relationship. Right now, I'm not interested in watching you figure out your feelings. See you later."
Then you walk away with you head held high.
Don't be the guy who is so clingy and needy that you let her see you hanging around waiting for her to choose you.
Choose HER, after she proves herself worthy of being chosen.
so the gf decided not to meet up with the ex-fling.
good decision, I didnt even have to tell her I would walk if she "had dinner with ex fling".
Last edited by AverageGuy2006; 06-08-2012 at 03:10 PM..
Reason: update
I think there are considerations when you are in an exclusive relationship. But I see nothing wrong with spending time with friends of the opposite sex, generally.
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