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I firmly believe that the vast majority of people who are "threatened" if their s.o. or spouse hangs with someone of the opposite sex are insecure or monstrously controlling. I will exclude people who have partners who have proven themselves to be untrustworthy or who are cheaters (and one might ask why you're still with them in that case?)
Anyway... my best friends have always been men. I preferred hanging with boys even in grade school. My husband has never had a problem when I visit these totally platonic male friends. Nothing's ever happened and nothing ever will. And his best friend for the past 20+ years has been a woman (I am also fond of her). They have lunch together occasionally and speak on the phone.
Am I jealous? No. Is he jealous? No.
Why? Because we are happily married, monogamous and neither of us cheat or have an interest in cheating. People who are mature, secure and not morbidly neurotic, insecure or controlling generally have no jealously issues with their partners. I will add this and I apologize in advance for the cliche: if you don't have trust in your relationship, you have nothing.
I firmly believe that the vast majority of people who are "threatened" if their s.o. or spouse hangs with someone of the opposite sex are insecure or monstrously controlling. I will exclude people who have partners who have proven themselves to be untrustworthy or who are cheaters (and one might ask why you're still with them in that case?)
Anyway... my best friends have always been men. I preferred hanging with boys even in grade school. My husband has never had a problem when I visit these totally platonic male friends. Nothing's ever happened and nothing ever will. And his best friend for the past 20+ years has been a woman (I am also fond of her). They have lunch together occasionally and speak on the phone.
Am I jealous? No. Is he jealous? No.
Why? Because we are happily married, monogamous and neither of us cheat or have an interest in cheating. People who are mature, secure and not morbidly neurotic, insecure or controlling generally have no jealously issues with their partners. I will add this and I apologize in advance for the cliche: if you don't have trust in your relationship, you have nothing.
Excellent post ... I mentioned earlier in this thread that one of my closest friends is an old girlfriend from 40+ years ago ... I also have several other good friends that are girls (or ladies if you prefer) ... I organize a group of classmates that meet at a restaurant every month, half of them are female ... one of them kisses me on the cheek every month ... my wife has no problem with this because she knows they're old, good friends of mine ...
I firmly believe that the vast majority of people who are "threatened" if their s.o. or spouse hangs with someone of the opposite sex are insecure or monstrously controlling. I will exclude people who have partners who have proven themselves to be untrustworthy or who are cheaters (and one might ask why you're still with them in that case?)
Anyway... my best friends have always been men. I preferred hanging with boys even in grade school. My husband has never had a problem when I visit these totally platonic male friends. Nothing's ever happened and nothing ever will. And his best friend for the past 20+ years has been a woman (I am also fond of her). They have lunch together occasionally and speak on the phone.
Am I jealous? No. Is he jealous? No.
Why? Because we are happily married, monogamous and neither of us cheat or have an interest in cheating. People who are mature, secure and not morbidly neurotic, insecure or controlling generally have no jealously issues with their partners. I will add this and I apologize in advance for the cliche: if you don't have trust in your relationship, you have nothing.
I think people who have opposite sex friends without drama probably just are not that attractive.
I used to think as above in my 20s and then found out it just wasn't worth the hassle or drama.
If it doesn't matter what is between the person's legs, I don't see why its so "sad" as others posted to have the same/opposite sex friends.
I think people who have opposite sex friends without drama probably just are not that attractive.
I used to think as above in my 20s and then found out it just wasn't worth the hassle or drama.
If it doesn't matter what is between the person's legs, I don't see why its so "sad" as others posted to have the same/opposite sex friends.
Hmm.... so, my wife is able to have opposite sex relationships because she is "not that attractive"?.. Thank you, i shall go and replace her immediately.
It has nothing to do with attractiveness (unless your as shallow as a spoon) it has to do with being freinds. You don't choose the sex of friends based on chromosomes. If your fortunate enough to have the opportunity to make a friend or keep one you shouldn't make your choices based on weather or not they're the 'wrong' sex.
Hmm.... so, my wife is able to have opposite sex relationships because she is "not that attractive"?.. Thank you, i shall go and replace her immediately.
It has nothing to do with attractiveness (unless your as shallow as a spoon) it has to do with being freinds. You don't choose the sex of friends based on chromosomes. If your fortunate enough to have the opportunity to make a friend or keep one you shouldn't make your choices based on weather or not they're the 'wrong' sex.
I'm a 35-year-old woman. For the past decade, the split in my friends has been about 50-50 genderwise. At one part-time job, I worked with mostly men of varying ages, and several of them have remained my very close friends ever since. Nothing romantic has ever happened between me and any of them (I'm not compatible in any of them that way - have always thought of them as the brothers I never had, being an only child); however, that did not stop my two best female friends from referring to my outings with those guys as "Jrz's Sausage Fest." LOL.
Truthfully, it's TERRIBLE if you're hoping to meet someone when you go out. Everyone assumes I must be with one of the guys I'm out with. But they're my buddies and I've had some of the best times of my life with them.
Funny story: While chatting via IM with a guy I met through a dating site, I mentioned that I had spent the evening before in a pub with my guy friends and joked that they were the reason I was on a dating site, since I would never meet anyone if I was hanging out with a group of guys. The man (or should I say child?) I was chatting with immediately said "I don't like girls who are friends with guys" and excused himself from the chat. I bought my guy friends a round of drinks the next time we went out, just as a thank-you for helping to screen out idiots. Now I make it a point to bring up the fact that I have a lot of male friends to anyone I'm thinking about dating. If that bothers them, I move on without looking back.
I have never had issue with my partners spending time with guys - they have no problem with me spending time with girls. You either trust your partner(s) or you do not.
Jealousy is one of those self fulfilling things in two ways.
The first is that if you become convinced of a partners infidelity you will likely find "evidence" to support that position even when it is not true. This is true of most things that you assume first and then fit the evidence to later.
The second is that the way we can act out jealousy - such as trying to control who our partner(s) can or can not spend time with - often is unappealing and we can end up pushing our partner away emotionally which does lead to relationship break down or sending them into the arms of another.
There is too much macho talk on threads like this - people declaring that any woman who wants to be with them has to give up all contact with other males. I would certainly not want to be in a relationship where trust is predicated on living in a cage of rules on who I can or can not be friendly with. Maybe it works for some, but certainly not for me.
The question is situational in that if your relationship is strong, it wouldn't be a threat but the op's gut about his ex was right. Obviously they didn't seem to have much intimacy or a strong relationship. She didn't let you in her life 100% op, don't beat yourself up over it.
When I was younger, I used to believe in this liberated 'friends vs. sex friends' distinction. However, my attitudes have changed with age and experience. It's not that women and men can't be friends -- they absolutely can be just that and nothing more.
But what this really comes down to is, respect. If a person respects his partner, he's not going to make his girl feel insecure by hanging out with female 'friends' (and vice versa for the female-male relationships). Two co-workers having lunch together...that's one thing. But friends of opposite sex have to understand that male-female relationships are unique. A dude who insists on hanging out with female 'friends' at the expense of a relationship...nah, can't accept that.
Hmm.... so, my wife is able to have opposite sex relationships because she is "not that attractive"?.. Thank you, i shall go and replace her immediately.
It has nothing to do with attractiveness (unless your as shallow as a spoon) it has to do with being freinds. You don't choose the sex of friends based on chromosomes. If your fortunate enough to have the opportunity to make a friend or keep one you shouldn't make your choices based on weather or not they're the 'wrong' sex.
Well you should if you only picked her based on attractiveness. It would be a favor to you both in the long run.
But don't act like what a person looks like doesn't factor into what goes on. That is ridiculous. Even more ridiculous than calling disrespect insecurity.
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