Hanging out with opposite sex friends while in exclusive relationship

[rego00123]

Originally Posted by PassTheChocolate

I think there are considerations when you are in an exclusive relationship. But I see nothing wrong with spending time with friends of the opposite sex, generally.

pretty much.

the only specific circumstace i can see being an issue with me is if my wife knew the other man had altenative motivations for hanging out with her and ignored them hoping they would somehow go away and everything would be peachy-keen and purley motivated by freindship. at that point blame is on her for allowing it to go another step further then it should have encouraging the bad behaviour.

for the most part aside from that my wife is free as a bird to hangout with whomever she sees fit. i trust her and her judgement.

ive said it before: "my wife is her own person before she is my wife"
just because she is in a realtionship with me doesnt mean she has to drop her freinds, motivation and interests outside of our home.

[AverageGuy2006]

Originally Posted by rego00123

pretty much.

the only specific circumstace i can see being an issue with me is if my wife knew the other man had altenative motivations for hanging out with her and ignored them hoping they would somehow go away and everything would be peachy-keen and purley motivated by freindship. at that point blame is on her for allowing it to go another step further then it should have encouraging the bad behaviour.

for the most part aside from that my wife is free as a bird to hangout with whomever she sees fit. i trust her and her judgement.

ive said it before: "my wife is her own person before she is my wife"
just because she is in a realtionship with me doesnt mean she has to drop her freinds, motivation and interests outside of our home.

Interesting comment. Have you ever actually had to deal with your above example? You seem to be speaking in a "what if" situation.
My gf had what i would consider "an open relationship" with a guy a while back. Basically, they were dating, and sleeping together, but they were both allowed to "date" other people.
Now ex-fling and my gf are talking, and the ex-fling is trying/thinking things will go back to the way they were between those two. Basically, the guy just wants to get laid, and doesn't care with who, or who the woman may be with. Honestly, the fact that my gf found enjoyment out of someone with such "questionable motives/behavior", troubles me a bit. But, the past is the past. I have to let that go.

[Opsimathia]

Originally Posted by AverageGuy2006

so the gf decided not to meet up with the ex-fling.
good decision, I didnt even have to tell her I would walk if she "had dinner with ex fling".

Yeh sure. Thats what she said? Proof or not? Did you make plans instead or something? What did he "have to talk about"?

I wouldn't trust this situation for a minute. I wouldn't even bother. She is rude and plays head games and the fling is still sniffing around.

[rego00123]

ive dealt with guys trying to move in on my wife pleanty of times, she deals in a business where smoozing with clients is the norm and some of the guys get the impression that her friendliness is something more then it really is.

my outlook on the whole situation is shes going to be who she wants to be, im never going to change that about her. if she really ever did have intentions of messing around with anyone that wasnt me she fully understands thats it between us. i dont NEED to be with her and she doesnt NEED to be with me, we are together because we WANT to be.

there is a point where you just have to let go and let people be who they want to be, trust them for who they say they are. there is nothing you can do to turn the situation if they are intent on being someone else when they leave your sight. your only option is to remove yourself from the situation and let them be that person. in the end WE are the only person in a realtionship that allows ourselves to be treated badly, we are the only people that have the control over what we allow in our lives.

if my wife came to me and told me she wanted to have dinner with an ex who has shown intent on wanting more from her then she is willing to give him in the past i would absoultly have an issue, not because i do not trust she will behave or do the right thing if he tries something with her, but because she is adding fuel to the flames in a situation she already knows there is fire.

thankfully my wife is a great person who totally gets this and it has never been an issue for us passed us laughing at the guys who try too hard to get her attention

[AverageGuy2006]

Originally Posted by rego00123

ive dealt with guys trying to move in on my wife pleanty of times, she deals in a business where smoozing with clients is the norm and some of the guys get the impression that her friendliness is something more then it really is.

my outlook on the whole situation is shes going to be who she wants to be, im never going to change that about her. if she really ever did have intentions of messing around with anyone that wasnt me she fully understands thats it between us. i dont NEED to be with her and she doesnt NEED to be with me, we are together because we WANT to be.

there is a point where you just have to let go and let people be who they want to be, trust them for who they say they are. there is nothing you can do to turn the situation if they are intent on being someone else when they leave your sight. your only option is to remove yourself from the situation and let them be that person. in the end WE are the only person in a realtionship that allows ourselves to be treated badly, we are the only people that have the control over what we allow in our lives.

if my wife came to me and told me she wanted to have dinner with an ex who has shown intent on wanting more from her then she is willing to give him in the past i would absoultly have an issue, not because i do not trust she will behave or do the right thing if he tries something with her, but because she is adding fuel to the flames in a situation she already knows there is fire.

thankfully my wife is a great person who totally gets this and it has never been an issue for us passed us laughing at the guys who try too hard to get her attention

I really like this write up. I've bolded a couple points that I have learned from this write up and a couple previous write ups from a couple of women earlier in this thread.
At this point, it seems the gf is losing interest in the relationship. She has been distant, even when we are together. She has lost the desire to show much affection. Maybe this is just part of the rebuilding process, I don't know. Or, maybe she is becoming interested in other guys, and that is why there seems to be some seperation. I haven't heard or seen an "I love you" text in a week now, even though we have spent a few days together in person.
We did go to her friends house on Sunday for a bbq. It seemed to go pretty well, we were having a good time. But, about an hour and a half into the bbq my gf volunteered "you can leave any time you like. You don't have to stay around just to make me happy. My sister can drive me home. (her and her sister are roommates)." Having had major back surgery 4 weeks ago, this would seem like a nice gesture. But then, over the course of the next 1.5 hours, she brought it up 3 MORE TIMES. The third time started making me feel uncomfortable, and the fourth time was my exit cue. I left at that point. She texted me later with concern: "did u have a good time?" even though when i left I told her I had a good time. I admitted her "volunteering" me to leave made me uncomfortable.
She swears she was just "being nice and trying to be considerate of me." But. ot once did I complaign of back pain or suggest that WE leave.
I am starting to think this person has some issues, and I dont think this will ever "get better". Either I accept that she wants her social life seperate for the most part, or I leave and learn from this relationship and try again with someone else.

I mean really, who volunteers their BF/GF to "feel free to leave" 4 times at a casual bbq? She stayed almost 3 hours after I left. Me leaving seperate was NEVER discussed or planned ahead of time. In fact, we had made "loose plans" for the evening after the bbq with just the two of us.
Most of the time, when it is just the two of us, things are great, but these constant issues with exes and social situations are really going to end up destroyin this relationship. Some replies on this thread are commenting that I need to "wake up" and exit this relationship. I am really starting to believe this. Although, I will try to learn from this relationship and this thread to be a better S/O for the future.