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That's true but the fact that she's bringing up events from 15 years ago does say something about her ability, or lack thereof, to practice forgiveness.
When you look past something...pass it off as "no big deal", then have little incidents show up here and there...apparently escalating, it's not a matter of "clearly not forgiving" someone. It's more of a "OMG! How could I be so STUPID!!?? Why did I ever trust that man and give him so many years of my life! OMG that IS what he's really like!!"
Sara, it's so sad, because you hoped, really hoped that this was something he was going to "grow out of" and put behind him once you were married and had a family. As a few posters here have made perfectly clear....some people see nothing wrong with porn. Some, in fact, think that it's ....well, healthy! Clearly, you're married to one of those guys. I'm so sorry. I'm really.....so very sorry.
Yes. Of course you were eager to look at filth. I'm not surprised.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
Yeah, the issue of the daughters' safety is one she has to pay attention to. The fear could be overblown, but as a mother she has to heed her gut feelings.
The concern is that the porn has escalated over the years to the point now that she's disgusted by it and by her husband, plus now she has grounds to worry about her duaghters' safety around their dad. Furthermore, there seems to be fair reason to believe he's been having sex with other women. So the person she married, or thought she was marrying, has morphed into something she's very uncomfortable with and put off by. Sad, but the situation needs to be addressed somehow.
This is exactly right. It's the way everything has snowballed to the point where he comes home SMELLING OF SEX.
Come on, now. Some of these folks here need to take the blinders off!
14+ years of marriage, should I keep forgiving or throw in the towel?
Quote:
Originally Posted by sara400
I appreciate your insight. I disagree with your assertion, though, that I making mountains out of molehills. I forgave him and forgave him and forgave him of the past instances and moved on. That is why the title of my post is "do I keep on forgiving or throw in the towel?" I didn't beat him over the head about anything for 14 years at all. I don't go snooping tyring to catch him. I do the household laundry and I pull receipts out of his pockets before putting them in the wash. Having receipts in his pockets is regular for him...I check them to see if they are potentially reimbursable business receipts. And only twice in 14 years have I been surprised to find what he had been out doing.
I also don't check his internet history regularly. In fact, I've only checked it intentionally one time! A few weeks ago when I borrowed his ipad and when I put the cursor in the google search box all of his recent web history from the day before popped up and it was hard core porn - lots of it. The only time I actually went looking for something was when I got back in town from my trip. I sensed the intimacy wasn't there like I would expect it to be after we had been apart for 10 days and that is the only time I actually went looking at his internet history. Sure enough...he'd been on web cam sex chats with local women -- no wonder he wasn't nearly as excited to see me as I expected.
Just want to clear that up. These "discoveries" I made were not from searching and looking for "something, anything" to get mad at him about. They were mostly simple discoveries I made while going about normal daily household tasks.
Maybe your are right....maybe I should wait on contacting the divorce attorney...thank you for bringing that consideration to my attention. While I don't make mountains out of molehills regularly....maybe I am doing it this time.
I also realize I'm very confused, hurt, upset, and speaking in extremes myself in some of my posts...which I know from counseling that talking in extremes is not good for communication and problem solving.
I can accept your explanation, but your original post left me thinking you were a jealous snoop who deserved what you were getting. When I feel I'm wrong, I will admit it. I must say I agree wholeheartedly with what 20yrsinBranson said in her post #56, this is possibly one of the best posts concerning your thread. Your husband isn't near as terrible as you think, he just does things you don't agree with and you are having a hard time dealing with his actions. The rest of us may not look at his behavior and judge him as harshly as you do. If you really love him, maybe it will be worth giving him another chance to behave differently. You are not totally faultless in this relationship, something somewhere that he sees in you needs to be fixed also. Hopefully a counselor can help you both. Seeking the advice of a divorce attorney is counter productive if you want to save your marriage, that will only help end it. Accept the fact that us humans are not perfect, we make mistakes. I suspect you can fix these things that bother you, and what you can't fix, hopefully you can live with. Remember one thing, it is damn hard to find a man that is without fault that will give you a second look, meaning the grass really is not greener on the other side of the fence.
I directed her on what to be concerned about, and hopefully pointed her to the item she needs to focus on as she goes forward..
Certainly better than the blanket "Divorce that perv, NEXT!" that gets tossed around here anytime a guy in a relationship looks up porn...
Are you sure that was a compliment? Dude, she should of sent it to a woman. Then again, everyone and their ma is on these sites so I'm not sure how accurate these views are.
I think you should sort out your own train wreck before you go poking your nose into other peoples.
And don't pm me again.
What's the difference?
A right answer is a right answer...
The original post was a bit hazy (as others have pointed out as well), and the usual suspects were again jumping to extremes and letting their imaginations run wild, and inserting that into the OP...
I'm a gnat's dick away from blocking him altogether.
But you know...
It's like watching a car accident in slo mo, you can't tear your eyes away.
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14+ years of marriage, should I keep forgiving or throw in the towel?
