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The original post was a bit hazy (as others have pointed out as well), and the usual suspects were again jumping to extremes and letting their imaginations run wild, and inserting that into the OP...
Sane minds seek clarification..
Anyway, stop reading my PMs.
That would take the prize for the most passive agressive statement I've yet read on CD.
Who diagnosed you with "aspergers"? You said a counsellor. You know only properly qualified medical professionals can make such a diagnosis, not some sheila down at Marriages R Us.
Back in my day, your brand of "aspergers" was called something else. "A55 hole"
That would take the prize for the most passive agressive statement I've yet read on CD.
Who diagnosed you with "aspergers"? You said a counsellor. You know only properly qualified medical professionals can make such a diagnosis, not some sheila down at Marriages R Us.
Back in my day, your brand of "aspergers" was called something else. "A55 hole"
The marriage counselor was a Ph.D who actually specialized in personality disorders. Anyway, she recommended me to a specialist who did the diagnosis...I'm really not an A55, sorry if it reads that way..
Well I'm coming back to my own thread to post that I think I've found a great resource at amazon. A book titled "Love You - Hate the Porn: Healing a Relationship Damaged by Virtual Infidelity"
All you guys who say looking at porn is no big deal and shouldn't hurt the relationship need to know that studies have shown that
men who view porn for ONLY SIX WEEKS have significant measurable changes in their attitudes in the following areas:
After only 6 weeks, the subjects who viewed porn were
1) significantly less satisfied by their real-life partners
2) saw monogomy as less important and being faithful to their spouses as less important
3) became more accepting of the idea that superior sexual satisfaction can be obtained without any emotional connection to the partner
4) more prone to report that marriage was "confining"
5) and the EVEN reported less negative attitudes towards perceiving victims of sex crimes as having been severely wronged
Interesting enough....some of the couples had to go to therapy because there was so much damage done even when the wives knew their spouses were viewing the porn only as part of a study and had agreed to it!!!!
So I'm no longer even considering the idea that porn is ok for any married man or woman. I never thought it was before I wanted to keep an open mind.
I'm not blaming the porn....but I am now seeing that at a minimum, that it has to stop 100% no matter what any other man may say about it being no big deal.
Well I'm coming back to my own thread to post that I think I've found a great resource at amazon. A book titled "Love You - Hate the Porn: Healing a Relationship Damaged by Virtual Infidelity"
All you guys who say looking at porn is no big deal and shouldn't hurt the relationship need to know that studies have shown that
men who view porn for ONLY SIX WEEKS have significant measurable changes in their attitudes in the following areas:
After only 6 weeks, the subjects who viewed porn were
1) significantly less satisfied by their real-life partners
2) saw monogomy as less important and being faithful to their spouses as less important
3) became more accepting of the idea that superior sexual satisfaction can be obtained without any emotional connection to the partner
4) more prone to report that marriage was "confining"
5) and the EVEN reported less negative attitudes towards perceiving victims of sex crimes as having been severely wronged
Interesting enough....some of the couples had to go to therapy because there was so much damage done even when the wives knew their spouses were viewing the porn only as part of a study and had agreed to it!!!!
So I'm no longer even considering the idea that porn is ok for any married man or woman. I never thought it was before I wanted to keep an open mind.
Sounds cherry picked and heavily biased. 6 weeks is too short of a time frame for any meaningful results to be drawn from. Also wondering if it was peer reviewed, and repeated..
Looking at the book - I notice it says "Porn Addiction"...I would look up porn addicts (ie, people who literally can't work, and function without porn constantly in their life), and compare it to your husband.
Ultimately it's your marriage and your judgement.
I still have the vibe that you're looking for an out (based on never feeling the *spark* for him, and the original post), and you're grasping at what you can to break free..
Regardless, if he was a member to that one website I pointed out (ie, had an account there), then you do have reason to be concerned, and you're making the right choice to pursue it.
Folks.. Please stay on topic. Read the thread before adding your .02 to keep from taking the thread off topic. You can not give suggestions unless you know the reasoning behind the OP
I'm not blaming the porn....but I am now seeing that at a minimum, that it has to stop 100% no matter what any other man may say about it being no big deal.
It's similar to drugs, tobacco, alcohol or sex.... in moderation there may not be a problem but some people just can't do moderation. No big deal to one person is a full blown problem for the next person. It's not so much how he feels about porn but how it affects your relationship no matter how much or little he watches.
In your counseling, did the counselor recommended you watch together a limited amount or him to go cold turkey ?
The previous counseling was not about porn at all -- it was a completely different issue regarding extended family-boundary relationships, parenting, etc.
I'm a gnat's dick away from blocking him altogether.
But you know...
It's like watching a car accident in slo mo, you can't tear your eyes away.
OMG I have found my new saying. I love it! Thanks!!
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