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Maybe to them pain=love... I have tons of female friends who get treated poorly by their bfs (not physically abusive) but can't leave them for some reason. Maybe they think they're in love and won't fall in love that way again.
I was in mentally abusive relationships most of my young life (17-21). I was also suffering depression outside of these relationships and didn't know my self worth. You attract the people you think you deserve. It wasn't until I had an AH HA moment my senior year of college that life could possibly be better outside of these lowly men. I've been dating some one I deserve ever since.
It's mostly low self esteem. You're young and stupid, and some of us girls have to fall flat on our face with men a few times before we wake up and smell the roses. I understand how frustrating it is to bystanders, because now that I'm on the outside looking in to some of my friends relationships, I just want to shake them and tell them to wake up.
My most abusive ex boyfriend is now dating a good friends friend (try and follow that one) and I hear he is still emotionally abusive. He controls her eating habits, her makeup, and pays her to dye her hair certain colors. He tells her she's fat, but she's a very skinny girl and it really upsets me. They started dating when she was 19, she's 21 now, so I hope she wakes up soon. She's really sweet.
Well, this is one of the most intelligent posts I've read in a long time .... NOT!
If a woman is with an abusive guy who cheats, it's because she has been beaten (either physically or psychologically) and is not able to form rational opinions. There may be children involved, there may be concern as to how and when to get out.
In my relationship, my ex would remove the (?) distributor cap (?) to my car, so it wouldn't go anywhere. He would change the passwords to my computer. He would threaten to take the kids and move to Canada. He threatened homicide and suicide. All the while, he was shouting at me that everything was my fault. He even had me confessing to things I didn't know about, claiming it was my fault. He'd have temper tantrums that would last for days, slamming doors and shouting--he was a foot taller than me and at least 150 heavier. He collected guns (at least 30), drove drunk (which I did not pick up on at the time), and threatened everyone in his path. He was professionally employed earning in excess of $100,000 / year (of which I was given $100/week to provide for a family of 5). The most I earned when I was married was $22,000 / year -- and it all went to hi
When I finally left (for 6 weeks, with the kids), he *supposedly* saw the light and quit drinking. By the 6th month in AA he was already preaching to others (no, I didn't fall for it) ... no one could understand why I wasn't more sympathetic.
Well, was released from hostage 20 years ago (almost to the month). Oh, did I mention that after the divorce he refused to move for 5 years? He's been out of my life for a long time, but the scars still remain. I don't trust men--I enjoy their *friendship,* but I won't jeopardize my relationships by adding sex to the mix.
Guys don't understand the importantance of being *friend zoned."
You don't want a friend--you want a lover. On the other hand, women want and need friends. I have had relationships and friendships in the past. Relationships come and go; friendships don't.
If I girl/woman *friend-zones* you, it means she does not want to lose your friendship by adding sex/relationship to the mix. This way, you can each lead individual lives, but you are always there for each other.
*** I am *NOT* suggesting an "open" agreement. That's the same as dating.*****
Oh, and the ex? Well, apparently though sober, got married about 12 years ago because our kids needed health insurance <shrug>. Anyway, he's someone else's headache now (and I hear she's not so happy, either)
And yet by your own admission, you knowingly and willfully continued to expose your children to all that abuse? You should have been arrested and both of you should have permanently lost custody. How could you not know he was driving drunk with your kids in the car? That would easily be detected by at least any three of five senses, wouldn't it?
There's a lot to unpack here, so let me just make a couple of points:
1) States with the largest numbers of self-identified "strong Christians" (e.g. Mississippi, Alabama, Tennessee) have among the highest rates of domestic violence, teenage pregnancy, divorce, and STD transmission. More liberal, secular states tend to have lower rates of all of the above. This doesn't mean that Christians are more prone to these problems than non-Christians. But it does suggest being Christian doesn't make much difference in people's actual behavior.
2) A lot of women who reject "nice" guys do so for a very good reason. They sense, often accurately, that many "nice" guys are just passive-aggressive types who secretly feel their niceness entitles them to get women. It doesn't.
3) Men, especially younger men, almost never go out of their way to befriend women unless they have a romantic and/or sexual motive. Almost never. Women are justified in being cautious about men who seem overly friendly.
4) The image of the swaggering, macho jerk is a powerful image of what it means to be a "real man" in our culture. It is not the only image of masculinity out there, but it is probably the most dominant one. That means that a lot of women are going to respond to men who act this way. Even if women don't always like this behavior, it is still burned into their minds that this is the way "real men' are supposed to be.
5) Men are at least as bad as women in this regard, and often much worse. Generally speaking, do men chase after the nicest, sweetest, smartest, funniest, most supportive women they know? No, they don't. They often ignore these women, and instead chase after the leggy "bad girls" with the giant breast.
What so every Christian guy beats their girlfriend? Thats what your telling me aren't you? And you're assuming that every guy is like that? I rather be friends with a girl, and only date the one I actually wanna try and date.
9 out of 10 cases of domestic abuse result in the abused party even with intervention returning to the abuser.
to answer your question, the change happens when the woman sees that they dont have a thug problem but that they have an attraction problem. women are programmed from childhood to be attracted to this type of man and behavior. counseling and 12 step can turn it around.
What so their parents says Go after the guy that beats you? Come on you can't be serious. I find it so not true, from what you're saying.
I was in mentally abusive relationships most of my young life (17-21). I was also suffering depression outside of these relationships and didn't know my self worth. You attract the people you think you deserve. It wasn't until I had an AH HA moment my senior year of college that life could possibly be better outside of these lowly men. I've been dating some one I deserve ever since.
It's mostly low self esteem. You're young and stupid, and some of us girls have to fall flat on our face with men a few times before we wake up and smell the roses. I understand how frustrating it is to bystanders, because now that I'm on the outside looking in to some of my friends relationships, I just want to shake them and tell them to wake up.
My most abusive ex boyfriend is now dating a good friends friend (try and follow that one) and I hear he is still emotionally abusive. He controls her eating habits, her makeup, and pays her to dye her hair certain colors. He tells her she's fat, but she's a very skinny girl and it really upsets me. They started dating when she was 19, she's 21 now, so I hope she wakes up soon. She's really sweet.
I hope so too, and it saddens me to see sweet girls fall for the jerks. Which according to these replies about 95% of all guys
I was in an emotionally abusive relationship and the reason I stayed was because I simply didn't think I deserved any better. I've never received much attention from guys and growing up my family used to joke that I may as well invest in cats because I never seemed to go on dates like normal girls. So, when I found a guy that actually wanted to be with me, I jumped at the chance considering it may have been my only one.
Coincidentally, it was basically the only relationship I've ever been in.
Girls in that age group prefer a man who can provide emotional highs or lows, rather than a guy who can not provide any emotional stimulation. Thus a bad boy who mistreats them, can provide them with emotional lows, unlike a nice guy who provides no emotional reaction at all. The end.
Girls in that age group prefer a man who can provide emotional highs or lows, rather than a guy who can not provide any emotional stimulation. Thus a bad boy who mistreats them, can provide them with emotional lows, unlike a nice guy who provides no emotional reaction at all. The end.
What so all this started to happen once the year 2000 hit? I mean come on Talk about mental.
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