Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
With a friend's breakup, sometimes you just don't know what to say or do as helpful comfort. And it's important to stay neutral and not bash the other person in that relationship, because what happens if they end up getting back together? Lots of potential for future awkwardness if that other person finds out that you were encouraging your friend to move on from them quickly.
Location: Lots of sun and palm trees with occasional hurricane :)
8,293 posts, read 16,164,696 times
Reputation: 7018
Lammius - are you in a teaching physician setting?
OK. There are a ton of good posts here. I agree that time WILL heal. I also agree about just thinking about the bad times, the bad habits, the bad communication from the he/she. Would be really good if you do not have any contact.
I think the most difficult part is actually getting up and doing things. Picking up new interests, going out with friends, etc. When you are depressed, feeling sorry for yourself, unhappy with the current situation, missing that person, seeing him/her everywhere you turn, it hurts and maybe it's just too darn hard to do all the "good" things you should do so, if you can spend time alone, or yes walking a pet, or just sit on a park bench and look at the sky.....would be more therapeutic. You need alone time. Then, you can start to be human again around everyone else.
Someone posted about getting the wrong support or advice from "friends" or family. You will hear many different opinions about what you should do, how you should do it, when and so on. You'll agree with what you want to hear and disagree with what you don't like to hear, get defensive, even stick up for the "bad" guy. So better spend some time alone first. You can do all this in your own head, then what anybody else tells you will be ok because you will have come to terms with yourself and the whole awfulness of what's happened and how you feel.
If you do get back together, have the Bill of Rights ready. Lay down the law. Your law, even if the breakup was partially or all your fault. Things will balance out afterwards but, initially, you write the script. I think that might be helpful so that IF you split ways again, you know you can be strong. You learned from the previous experience and you know you will live through it and be the better for it if you have to go through it again.
I know what you mean about getting out into the market again. Yeap, it's a little scary. Give it some time. You might just get back with the ex before that happens.
And my comments ARE from first hand experience. I almost feel like Lammius is my twin.
I've said it here before, and I'll say it again: Everything you need to know about life can be learned in football. This is what I tell my boy about football: You get knocked down, you get up, don't cry, and do it again. The same can be said about relationships, only it's OK to cry... if no one else sees you.
LOL....I tell my girls that men are like shoes! Now before you start on me, let me explain....
just because you try a pair on doesn't mean you have to leave the store with them. A pair may fit for a while, but then, not so much. Sometimes they really do just wear out, and then, no matter how much you love that pair of shoes, deep down inside you know it's time to go shopping again. But the secret is this: spend the extra money (time), find a good quality pair of shoes, ones that you love and are comfortable in, and take care of them. Even if they have to be re-soled, you'll have them forever!
Forgive me if there are already threads on this topic...
I'm just wondering what people have done to get over post-breakup depression. It's affecting me in a bad way currently. I cry, have an almost constant sick-to-the-stomach feeling, am unable to concentrate at work, and am just plain miserable! I've hung out with friends and made some calls to mom which make me feel better, but then when I go home and find myself alone again the bad feelings come back. Without giving too many details of the situation, I'll just say I've never felt this way after a relationship before and I'm a bit disturbed by it.
What are some things that some of you have done to get yourself "over it"? Friends have suggested getting out and meeting new people but the thought of getting back out on "the market" and talking up new people just does not interest me at all right now. I've re-organized some things in the apartment and am going to the gym more often. I haven't noticed much change in my mood as a result yet, but maybe it's coming. Has anything been particularly helpful for any of you guys? Please don't suggest drugs! lol Thank you in advance for your input!
I dont know about anyone else, but I'm trying to surround myself with things that I love and love to do. Also try to get out and do things as much as possible, with friends preferrably, but just get out no matter what. And stay away from the dating scene.
Good luck.
Location: Life here is not an Apollo Mission. Everyone calm down.
1,065 posts, read 4,537,752 times
Reputation: 999
Onetime, after a break up, I went to one of those ceramics places where you paint a piece and they kiln it (I don't know the term.) I made a lovely vase with a poem on it. I still use it..and love that I know how far I've come since the break up, every time I look at it.
MainStreet, I like that story. I've been thinking about how I'll look back on this time in the future. Will I be mad that I wasted so much time being sad and depressed, etc.? But your story shows that you can do something that you can be proud of during this recovery time and look back at it as a positive. I like that.
MainStreet, I like that story. I've been thinking about how I'll look back on this time in the future. Will I be mad that I wasted so much time being sad and depressed, etc.? But your story shows that you can do something that you can be proud of during this recovery time and look back at it as a positive. I like that.
Well then what about doing some volunteer work for a good cause? Or take a beginning class in a foreign language? The main idea is to do things that you never did with your ex to help you move on emotionally.
"I know both partners in a relationship carry equal shares of responsiblity, but I take total blame for the nail in the coffin. I spend all of this time thinking about what I should've done differently and wishing I could have taken a different course. I know it isn't a productive thought process, but I agonize over it anyway."
Ok advise from an old married lady who god knows made her fair share of mistakes.....
I picked out this part of your statement because I hope you: 1) learn from it and go on...and 2)now you've said it you've acknowledged it now you can stop agonizing over it.
It takes time, don't expect it to be ok during a certain time frame.
Learn to like being by yourself because as a wise person once said to me (no I don't talk to myself .....much) If you don't like being with you how can you expect someone else to?
Location: Life here is not an Apollo Mission. Everyone calm down.
1,065 posts, read 4,537,752 times
Reputation: 999
Quote:
Originally Posted by lammius
MainStreet, I like that story. I've been thinking about how I'll look back on this time in the future. Will I be mad that I wasted so much time being sad and depressed, etc.? But your story shows that you can do something that you can be proud of during this recovery time and look back at it as a positive. I like that.
Glad you liked my idea. I found a poem that spoke exactly how I felt. ("Yes, I know a soul can be partitioned like a country..." -Rich) You could even use song lyrics.
LOL....I tell my girls that men are like shoes! Now before you start on me, let me explain....
just because you try a pair on doesn't mean you have to leave the store with them. A pair may fit for a while, but then, not so much. Sometimes they really do just wear out, and then, no matter how much you love that pair of shoes, deep down inside you know it's time to go shopping again. But the secret is this: spend the extra money (time), find a good quality pair of shoes, ones that you love and are comfortable in, and take care of them. Even if they have to be re-soled, you'll have them forever!
Ok, I just have to say that this is one of my favorite things I have read so far on CD!! I copied and pasted it into an email to my daughter--a college freshman far from home and having problems with her boyfriend. She just loved it. So, THANKS, mollysmiles, for this gem!!!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Now before you start on me, let me explain....
