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Jane presented herself in a way she thought, correctly, would make her marriage material.
When we had the "sex talk" early on, I didn't lie. She was OK with my 9. I started at 18 and I'm 31. I've had three long term relationships. All the others were a couple of months to half a year. I think that is completely acceptable - I guess you don't. You did say, "WOW long terms not your thing huh?! That kinda explains a lot. Do this with all the girls, do you?" Yes, I do.
It just kinda really kills my pride, you know, waking up to the fact that as you said I bought what 35 others got for free.
I'm a guy. What matters is how she feels about you, not what she did years before she met you. Judge her by how she has treated you.
Who cares how many partners she had. When you were 20, you would have also slept with as many ladies as possible and it would not affect the love you have for your fiance.
I agree, it's not something most men would want hear and could be tough to deal with, but you have to realize it was different circumstances than now. She probably was drunk and a lot of young women don't even consider it sex these days. What if it was 9 guys instead of 35.......you probably wouldn't be comfortable with that number either. Point is, you're just not going to find a virgin nowadays, especially if the woman is somewhat good looking. Don't hold it against her or punish her over it. Crazy tough it sounds, she thought enough of you to keep a very personal and private part of her life from you so it wouldn't hurt you....to bad you had to find out. She's been with the zeros and decided to get with a hero, so be one to her and love her and don't bring it up to her again.
OK, this is going to be my last post tonight. I'm wiped out emotionally.
I don't know how clearer I can be: I WAS NOT AND AM NOT LOOKING FOR A VIRGIN. 6 was reasonable and acceptable to me - 35 was not.
To Sgt Buzzcut: You said "She's been with the zeros and decided to get with a hero so be one to her." This is not going to happen. If I've learned anything today it's that (some) women and their women supporters can be deceitful, misrepresenting, just way out there with logic that really isn't remotely logical. I will not be "a hero." Let some other sucker be her hero. Ramcharger really nailed it. In two sentences he got how I feel.
I think it's time to change my outlook with women.
i think everyone "gets it" as far as how you feel. you feel cheated out of what you thought you had, you're male ego is bruised, you feel like your relationship with her has started under a false pretense therefore it is now ALL a lie etc.
none of that changes any of the other facts on the matter. most people in this thread have been looking at this objectively from what i read....that may be something you might want to consider trying to do as well if you are able to drop your damaged ego
any-who, good luck to you and your situation
Last edited by rego00123; 03-30-2013 at 12:34 AM..
What kills me is that I did not pick her to be like that at all! When we had our "sex talk" she said she had 6 guys and I was completely cool with that. I just did not pick up on the lie.
Hence this this you never tell a guy about your past (esp if you've changed and want a relationship).
Thought I've only been with 1 guy, it would be a turn-off if a man asked me ''How many guys you've been with'' and might consider dumping him as it wouldn't really be my business asking for his number either.
If the OP has been with lots of women then I think that's hypocritical of him. Unless his number is low then that's about the only time it's understandable where he is coming from. I hate
My fiancee and I have known each other for over three years. We got engaged last year. My story is sad really and I did not see it coming.
Basically, my fiancee is not the person I thought she was. Last week she and I attended her college reunion. Originally, I was not going to be able to go with her given certain timing conflicts, but I changed my schedule so I could accompany her. I thought she'd be happy about that but instead she seemed edgy. It was a red flag that I didn't catch at the time
Sad story short, on the second night there we were at one of the parties and were having a rollicking time drinking with her old college friends. It "came to light" that during her time there she was a "regular" at a fraternity that her sorority was "friendly" with. Basically, she's been with many many guys.
When I brought this up the next day, sober and shocked, she said that it didn't really count because she "just went down on them." How many guys? She didn't want to answer but finally admitted that it was in the 35 range.
When we had the "sex talk" early on in our relationship, there was no mention (or the tiniest hint of mention) of any of this. I just can't process this or figure it out.
What I'm looking for here is an objective view on all this. How does a woman rationalize this to herself, let alone rationalize lying about it to her fiance? How am I supposed to feel and how am I supposed to react?
What happened in the past is the past when she was younger, stupider and in college and basically none of your business since she did not even know you at the time. If you are having an issue with something from how many years ago then you are with the wrong woman and need to find a "complete" virgin so you are not threatened by her past experiences.
The ultimate karma would be if his fiancee finds this thread and dumps HIM.
Better yet, the next girlfriend finds out he raised such a stink about something long over with that she dumps him, too.
I haven't read further, but I think the ultimate Karma would be him finding a woman that was honest with him. If he chose to never have that conversation that it is on him, but there is no unconditional love that exists on people that aren't related.
I wonder how would the OP have reacted if I found out his number is 9 while he finds out mines is only 1 but there is one little problem: I can't get over his 9 and react the same exact way he's reacting?
To be honest, 9 is ''Ok, don't sure if I can handle it'' to me. Some of us do mind numbers too but at least I wouldn't ask because I would not want to hear it as it causes nothing but drama.
I just noticed the OP states he's 31 years old. Wow, I thought he was in his 20's.
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