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OP, it's pretty clear that you're not going to be able to move past this. It's always going to be in the back of your mind. I would suspect that, if you do get married, you might worry so much about this that it comes up every time you have an argument. There's nothing she can do to "make amends" to you, as you clearly feel you've been wronged. It does not sound like a recipe for a successful marriage. If you don't think you can get past this, you should not enter into marriage with this woman. Period. You have to make a choice.
Essentially the OP has also revealed that he is a bigoted, judgmental p***k and lied about being open, loving and accepting to his probably-now-ex-fiancé.
It's too bad. He will go through life as a bag of bitter damaged goods because he lacks the emotional perspective to know when the past has passed.
His ex will be horribly hurt by his equally cruel deception and loss of trust in him.
I hope you come to regret your behavior, Todd.
The OP was honest to his fiance about his sexual past. She was the one who lied to him about hers. No guy wants to be with a loose woman. His fiance was just that in her college days. Please save the she was young and naive in college rhetoric. As another poster stated, we need to be accountable for our decisions and not have a politically correct excuse. The OP is uncomfortable with her sexual past. Those are HIS feelings and he has a right to have them. The best solution would be for the OP to break up with his fiance.
Yup. You basically bought what 35 other guys test drove for free. Its like if some guy sold you a car with low miles only to find out he rolled back the odometer. Its too bad there isn't a lemon law on the books for this sort of thing.
You do realize the OP and his fiancee are in their 30's now, that this happened when she was in college and probably around 18-19, AND that he's been with her already for THREE years??
Give me a break
Like I said yesterday, he's missing a perfect opportunity to dig deep, learn some new things that can make him a better man and future husband and potentially have a much stronger relationship with the woman he claims to love.
But I agree with all others here who say if he can't handle the heat he needs to get out of the kitchen.
Marriage isn't for little boys who fall apart at the first sign of something scary/bad/ego busting/devastating or otherwise messy.
I think he just needs to break it off. I do not see love in any of his posting. No, "I really love her and I am so hurt by this."
At least that would say he at least feels love for her. This is all about me me me. I don't see how either of you could stay in this relationship and be happy. I can see you marrying her and holding this over her head a long time from now, and it just is not right.
Anytime you did something wrong I can see you saying, "But you gave 35 men a bj and didn't tell me about it..."
Break it off for both of your sakes. I have a feeling you had a good woman who you have turned into some **** over her past.
I have read all your responses and i really want to answer to some of them.
Ti Melissa78703
you said "just maybe she was waiting because with you, oral sex was something special."
So, if I am "special," my fiance will hold off on giving me head for two months.
If I am "not special," like the 35 frat bros, she'll give head right away.
Does this make sense to you? Does this make sense to anybody? What guy on earth would accept being me in this situation?
I wanna be a bit sarcastic or flippant here, OK? Say we weent to another of her college get-togethers and we met one of the frat brothers she had sex with. I would march right up to him and say, "Hey Joe, see Jane here? We're engaged to be married. I know she blew you first night out at some frat party, but I want to let you know that I'm the special one she wants to marry. And because I'm so special she didn't have sex with me for two months. You, on the other hand, were completely non-special so she went down on you right away that first night"
I think Joe would not think highly of me
She was a lot younger back then. Everyone does stupid stuff especially when younger and especially with alcohol more than likely involved. By the time you met her she was probably more mature and had learned from her past mistakes and approached relationships and men differently.
I think you seriously need to get over it. And enjoy the benefits of her having some "experience".
Last edited by wilmingtonangel; 03-30-2013 at 09:52 AM..
I think he just needs to break it off. I do not see love in any of his posting. No, "I really love her and I am so hurt by this."
At least that would say he at least feels love for her. This is all about me me me. I don't see how either of you could stay in this relationship and be happy. I can see you marrying her and holding this over her head a long time from now, and it just is not right.
Anytime you did something wrong I can see you saying, "But you gave 35 men a bj and didn't tell me about it..."
Break it off for both of your sakes. I have a feeling you had a good woman who you have turned into some **** over her past.
You do realize the OP and his fiancee are in their 30's now, that this happened when she was in college and probably around 18-19, AND that he's been with her already for THREE years??
Give me a break
Like I said yesterday, he's missing a perfect opportunity to dig deep, learn some new things that can make him a better man and future husband and potentially have a much stronger relationship with the woman he claims to love.
But I agree with all others here who say if he can't handle the heat he needs to get out of the kitchen.
Marriage isn't for little boys who fall apart at the first sign of something scary/bad/ego busting/devastating or otherwise messy.
It's not like she forgot to pay the cable bill and he's falling apart. She slept with half the college, or blew half the college. There's not much difference. She say's 35, I'd be willing to bet a hundred. But hey lets not hold her accountable. After all, she's just a vulnerable little precious angel who was probably abused/ and or had daddy issues.
The op' does have a right to his feelings. If it's too much for him to handle, then he doesn't have to be with her. All of this bashing him isn't going to change that fact. It just further illustrates that people expect everybody on C-D to forgive/ act perfect. Oh, just forgive her, she was young, blah, blah, blah. I would really love for all these "perfectly forgiving" people to come home tommorrow to similar news. Boy C-D is filled with alot of hypocrates. Using shame tactics on him and calling him names isn't going to change how he feels. If anything it is only going to make him distrust women even more. Let's have a little emapthy since sypmathy isn't quite a C-D thing anymore. Everyone's a therapist/ perfect partner who has sooo much understanding, yet everything that they write or say seems to contradict that. Hmm, odd. Well op', if it was up to C-D, you should forgive your "very" loose gf for anything. If you somehow contacted a disease from her dishonestly, I am sure that will somehow be your fault too. Come on people, let's be real.
I love this whole "real man" thing. What does being a "real man" have to do with anything really? He's not a real man unless he can completely forget that his girl serviced half the school. My oh my...Let the flaming begin. I've got thick skin. I can take it.
Last edited by supermanpansy; 03-30-2013 at 09:55 AM..
She was a lot younger back then. Everyone does stupid stuff especially when younger and especially with alcohol more than likely involved. By the time you met her she was probably more mature and had learned from her past mistakes and approached relationships and men differently. I know I had some periods of promiscuity when I was younger, but as I got older and smarter I changed and learned to wait a bit longer for sexual encounters and get to know the guy first. I sure wouldn't want to admit an exact number of partners and wouldn't want to be put on the spot and asked how many because it's not anything I'm proud of. Luckily my wonderful DH hasn't asked (and I haven't asked him!!!).
I think you seriously need to get over it. And enjoy the benefits of her having some "experience".
Experience at what? How do degrade yourself? I don't blame the OP for bailing on this one. However I DO blame the OP if he stays in the relationship and continues to hold this over her head. Frankly he will never get past this and his best bet is to move on. I'll tell you what WILL happen here. He will not get past this and he will not move on. He is gonna keep bringing it up over and over and eventually she will just tire of it and end up hating him and rightly so. It is truly none of his business but to keep telling him to ignore it is BAD advice. He can't ignore it ....
Move on OP... you don't HAVE to listen to the advice of the women on here. They have no idea how you feel about this, only how THEY would feel.Don't give yourself a nervous breakdown which is where you are headed.
In the future DON'T ASK if you cant handle the answer. I promise you, as you get older it will become much less important to you but no guy EVER wants to know his loved one treated herself like garbage for 4 years of her life. Sorry, it IS about the physical act and most guys would be revolted if they found that out. I'd rather a girl be in 20 relationships than give out 20 random BJ's to whomever asked....
Experience at what? How do degrade yourself? I don't blame the OP for bailing on this one. However I DO blame the OP if he stays in the relationship and continues to hold this over her head. Frankly he will never get past this and his best bet is to move on. I'll tell you what WILL happen here. He will not get past this and he will not move on. He is gonna keep bringing it up over and over and eventually she will just tire of it and end up hating him and rightly so. It is truly none of his business but to keep telling him to ignore it is BAD advice. He can't ignore it ....
Move on OP... you don't HAVE to listen to the advice of the women on here. They have no idea how you feel about this, only how THEY would feel.Don't give yourself a nervous breakdown which is where you are headed.
In the future DON'T ASK if you cant handle the answer. I promise you, as you get older it will become less important although no guy EVER wants to know his loved one treated herself like garbage for 4 years of her life. Sorry, it IS about the physical act and most guys would be revolted if they found that out. I'd rather a girl be in 20 relationships than give out 20 random BJ's to whomever asked....
In all seriousness, the women would know more about this, putting themselves in her shoes. He is not really thinking about her, only about himself. This situation is not only about him.
Sure, his pride is bruised. He will not come back from this. I imagine he is perfect, and should be on the hunt for someone just as perfect as he is.
I have no idea what this girl really did or did not do. To me it sounded like someone blurting something out in a drunken stupor. I don't think it was the fiance saying that is what she did.
If he loved the woman, he would be able to put this behind them, and move forward with their lives. I do not see that he has true love in his heart for her, and for both of their sakes, he should move on.
SHE CAN DO BETTER...
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