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What does it matter if you were her number 7 vs 36? You aren't special either way. Does she feel special being your number 10? It seems to me you don't love her. You only loved the idea of her.
And you have no clue what the OP is going through. So easy to say this stuff when you have none of the emotion attached to it. OP should get over it but stop acting like its so easy. He just found out his girlfriend was well...call it what you want but its not something any guy wants to hear. I don't care who it is.
I haven't read thru this entire thread but had to jump in. The main thought I have is that with the "sexual revolution," men and women have been set free to an amazing degree. Used to be that women, and men to a lesser degree, had to worry about unplanned pregnancies, so sex was much less free and easy and marriage was at a much younger age for everyone. I've known quite a few young people who had a lot of fun in college and men have definitely benefitted from this. But now those same men and women are entering into marriage and men now want to believe that their woman was not like the rest of them. Wake up guys.
And yes, women do make the special guys wait. If she didn't make you wait then chances are that she didn't go into it seeing much potential for a relationship. That's not to say that they don't sometimes turn into relationships--only that she wasn't thinking that at first. If you had to wait, it doesn't mean sloppy seconds, it means she wants a relationship. That's how women think and if a man is mature he'll at least pay attention to that point, even if he doesn't like it.
I came here for some logic and reason and did not really find much. Maybe it's a gender thing.
Anyway, this morning "Jane" and I had a long talk that really went nowhere. I told her that we are pretty much over as a couple. She refuses to see it that way and wants to talk and talk and talk more. I just do not see any value in that.
I flat out asked her why she lied about having only 6 sex partners. She actually answered candidly and said she didn't want me to see her as a ****. She asked what she could do and I said she could actually start with the truth. I don't want to get into sordid details but the "frat brother count" is actually closer to 50. She said she can't remember a specific total and I guess I believe her on that. I asked her how in hell she could rack up numbers like that and she said that sometimes they had small parties and they had what they called "hummer lines" where a bunch of girls would sequentially do a bunch of guys. She thought it was fun and sexy at the time. Enough.
I asked if she also "had intercourse" like that and she said no. Intercourse was in private. How many? About two thirds of them, again she didn't really know exact numbers.
So that's pretty well it. She put out and had intercourse with some 40 stinky frat brothers and blew even more. Call me whatever you ladies want, but that is just not acceptable to me in a long term life partner.
Jane certainly has every and any right to have done and to do whatever she wants. Equally, I have every right to feel disgusted and walk.
As I've said before I am an average guy, sexually speaking, and I believed Jane to be an average girl, sexually speaking, when she said her number is 6. Without blowjobs it's like 40+ and including blowjobs, it's 50+.
Many of you called me a misogynist and called me terrible names for treating her so poorly. You know what? The indelicate posters who actually called her factually correct "names" were on the money dead right. Anyway, why would I want to marry such a person? And if she was just doing normal things that normal girls do, then why hide it? The answer you ladies would provide would be "she hid it because she knows what an ******* you are and that you would judge her." I am not an ******* but I do judge her. In my frame of thought an average normal girl does NOT go down on over 50 guys at a particular frat house. That is beyond slutty. I'm no shrink but I have to believe that there are mental issues involved here.
Trying to shame ME by saying she's better off without me does you an injustice. The reality of the world (NOT what you ladies would like reality to be) is that most men do not want to marry a woman with a sexual track record like this, regardless of whatever other wonderful traits she may have.
I actually swallowed my pride and confided in my best friend on all this after she left but you probably don't want to hear that.
She's already called up so we can talk more but I think I'm kind of talked out.
Well maybe I'm a "victim" of my environment, but I grew up in a French/European milieu, where sex is considered natural and healthy. We don't go into mass hysterics because of a "wardrobe malfunction" and the stuff we show on TV would make your hair stand on end.
That being said, to us morals mean feeding the hungry, clothing the poor and sheltering the homeless. Not hurting other people. Having compassion for the less fortunate, and making sure everyone has access to healthcare.
Sex just isn't that big a deal, and oddly enough our teen pregnancy rate is less than half of yours because we take a rational, healthy approach instead of assigning guilt, blame and shame.
This thread isn't about you. She was responding to the OP, the person with the question. We get it, you are more sexually active and permissive, which is fine. But stop trying to make everyone be like you.
Todd as I said (I am female) I knew she was lying and banged those dudes. Sorry you are going through this. This is a legit deal breaker for you, so don't let other people tell you you're wrong. Good luck to you.
Todd as I said (I am female) I knew she was lying and banged those dudes. Sorry you are going through this. This is a legit deal breaker for you, so don't let other people tell you you're wrong. Good luck to you.
I agree. I also think that there is also no more need to talk. Heck, every time you do, the number goes up. Before you know it, she's going to be that girl who had 1000 guys do her on video..Kidding, but actually a bit worried that my joke might hold some truth to it.
In most incidences, I would say to anyone don't ask. In your case Todd, I'm glad you asked because that's an awful lot of deception. You need to get checked for your piece of mind. I know this hurts and I can't imagine what you are going through.
You're making the right move. Better to move on now, then wait until later. Clearly you would have never been able to deal with this. Don't feel bad for it. I wouldn't have been able to either. I've been with my girl eight years. She usually doesn't look at this site with me. But I showed her this and she thinks that girl is hiding alot. She say's fifty now, but really doesn't remember. That sounds closer to 100. That's hard to comprehend. From a frat too. Yeah, that's nasty.
Trying to shame ME by saying she's better off without me does you an injustice. The reality of the world (NOT what you ladies would like reality to be) is that most men do not want to marry a woman with a sexual track record like this, regardless of whatever other wonderful traits she may have.
I'm not going to call you names but I am going to say that you should probably not date any more former sorority girls b/c this could come up again--but then it's not just sorority girls. We ladies do know that men don't want to date gals with a past which is why most women won't discuss this with their men or they will lie about it if they figure that it will upset him. I'm not going to call you names b/c how you feel is how you feel, but maybe you should stay away from women for awhile. Meeting them in church isn't going to help--there are many reformed ****s out there. The reality is that this is the world you live in now and as long as we have birth control methods and people are waiting until later to marry and kids are going to college, these things are going to go on and men want to have the fun but they don't want to be with someone who had as much as, if not more fun than they did so this is a double standard.
As for me, I had my fun when I was younger too but I was a faithful wife for 23 years till he left me, and I have been a very good mother to our children. I felt no need to revisit that when I got divorced, but I simply would not date a man that I thought couldn't handle the thought of me having a past, even if I have no intention of telling him about it b/c I would not want to live in terror at the thought that he might find out about it like you did.
Anyway, I'm as sorry for the two of you as I can be but I see this issue as unresolvable and I don't believe you should marry her unless you can figure out a way to completely move past it, b/c otherwise it will come up every time you have a fight.
i think you will be happy that you have made this decision todd. it will hurt for a while, but you will move on and find someone who is more in tune with your values. like i said before, i wish you well. you do seem like a good guy. i think you will be fine.
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