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If he ego is bruised because of this, I can imagine what if they got married and had to confront other much bigger problems (afterall, marriage deals with more than just ''Omg, she has a higher number than me, I'm so depressed'').
Experience at what? How do degrade yourself? I don't blame the OP for bailing on this one. However I DO blame the OP if he stays in the relationship and continues to hold this over her head. Frankly he will never get past this and his best bet is to move on. I'll tell you what WILL happen here. He will not get past this and he will not move on. He is gonna keep bringing it up over and over and eventually she will just tire of it and end up hating him and rightly so. It is truly none of his business but to keep telling him to ignore it is BAD advice. He can't ignore it ....
Move on OP... you don't HAVE to listen to the advice of the women on here. They have no idea how you feel about this, only how THEY would feel.Don't give yourself a nervous breakdown which is where you are headed.
In the future DON'T ASK if you cant handle the answer. I promise you, as you get older it will become less important although no guy EVER wants to know his loved one treated herself like garbage for 4 years of her life. Sorry, it IS about the physical act and most guys would be revolted if they found that out. I'd rather a girl be in 20 relationships than give out 20 random BJ's to whomever asked....
Good advice and that is exactly how I feel. That is why I think that he should just leave her too. I've alrealy posted that this was in her past. However, she felt the need to tell him. Not in the past anymore! This is obviously too much for him to handle, so the right thing to do for both of them is to let her go. And I agree, it wouldn't be fair to hold this over and over on her, and I think the op' would. Because it's obviously too much for him to deal with.
Personal responsibility people. Does that really mean anything anymore? Some women on here can excuse any behavior that a women has shown. After all, it's never really anyones fault is it? Why does there have to be all of these reasons why she did what she did. Perhaps, she is just a freak, and loved servicing every guy at her college. Perhaps she joined in plenty of gang bangs too. Should that as well be overlooked. We all have limits to what we will tolerate. If not, then none of us would have standards. Is he not a "real" man because he doesn't want a girl who might as well have joined the porn industry?
This goes with the saying, be careful what you ask for. This is why I've stated in numerous posts that I never ask anyone I'm with how many partners she has had. Quite frankly, it's none of my business and furthermore-I just don't want to know!
In all seriousness, the women would know more about this, putting themselves in her shoes. He is not really thinking about her, only about himself. This situation is not only about him.
Sure, his pride is bruised. He will not come back from this. I imagine he is perfect, and should be on the hunt for someone just as perfect as he is.
I have no idea what this girl really did or did not do. To me it sounded like someone blurting something out in a drunken stupor. I don't think it was the fiance saying that is what she did.
If he loved the woman, he would be able to put this behind them, and move forward with their lives. I do not see that he has true love in his heart for her, and for both of their sakes, he should move on.
In all seriousness, the women would know more about this, putting themselves in her shoes. He is not really thinking about her, only about himself. This situation is not only about him.
Sure, his pride is bruised. He will not come back from this. I imagine he is perfect, and should be on the hunt for someone just as perfect as he is.
I have no idea what this girl really did or did not do. To me it sounded like someone blurting something out in a drunken stupor. I don't think it was the fiance saying that is what she did.
If he loved the woman, he would be able to put this behind them, and move forward with their lives. I do not see that he has true love in his heart for her, and for both of their sakes, he should move on.
SHE CAN DO BETTER...
And I think that many of the guys are putting themselves in his shoes. Perhaps we should all look at both sides instead of just relating to our own gender.
You want him to love her and put it behind. Yet, she clearly didn't love herself when she was servicing half the university. Why should anyone love anyone who doesn't even have any love/ respect for themselves.
She can do better, and so can he.
I think it comes down to agreeing to disagree. We don't have to bash each other for not agreeing with each other either.
It's not like she forgot to pay the cable bill and he's falling apart. She slept with half the college, or blew half the college. There's not much difference. She say's 35, I'd be willing to bet a hundred. But hey lets not hold her accountable. After all, she's just a vulnerable little precious angel who was probably abused/ and or had daddy issues.
The op' does have a right to his feelings. If it's too much for him to handle, then he doesn't have to be with her. All of this bashing him isn't going to change that fact. It just further illustrates that people expect everybody on C-D to forgive/ act perfect. Oh, just forgive her, she was young, blah, blah, blah. I would really love for all these "perfectly forgiving" people to come home tommorrow to similar news. Boy C-D is filled with alot of hypocrates. Using shame tactics on him and calling him names isn't going to change how he feels. If anything it is only going to make him distrust women even more. Let's have a little emapthy since sypmathy isn't quite a C-D thing anymore. Everyone's a therapist/ perfect partner who has sooo much understanding, yet everything that they write or say seems to contradict that. Hmm, odd. Well op', if it was up to C-D, you should forgive your "very" loose gf for anything. If you somehow contacted a disease from her dishonestly, I am sure that will somehow be your fault too. Come on people, let's be real.
I love this whole "real man" thing. What does being a "real man" have to do with anything really? He's not a real man unless he can completely forget that his girl serviced half the school. My oh my...Let the flaming begin. I've got thick skin. I can take it.
Never used the term "real man"
Also never said the guy doesn't have a right to his feelings.
In fact, I said if he can't get over them, he needs to walk away.
Not quite sure why you think we are "hypocrites" either
In fact, much of your post makes no sense and talks about things no one else has said or even implied
Most of the females posters on here will NEVER understand how a man feels about his woman's sexual past. Smart men, usualy dont want to know and dont ask about it. Remember, a female **** is an equivalent of male virgin. Because of this fact, women try to apply this situation to themselves and think of how they would deal with their manhaving slept with as many women. It would be a positive in most cases. Its just a whole different ball game, but in order to recognize that, you need to realize how different men and women are,m when it comes to these topics. As for taking responsibility or holding onself accountable for their actions, its more of the same. Most Women, by nature do not take responsibility for sex very well, it always falls on the guy. Men who are succesful in dating know this. In order to get laid, you have to create an environment that allows the woman to avoid the responsibility for it. She must be able to say "i had too much to drink, there was nothing i could do" or "he swept me off my feet, I couldnt resist". Its just how it is, be at peace with it and use it to your advantage.
Also never said the guy doesn't have a right to his feelings.
In fact, I said if he can't get over them, he needs to walk away.
Not quite sure why you think we are "hypocrites" either
In fact, much of your post makes no sense and talks about things no one else has said or even implied
I'm not going to get into a pissing contest with you. I refuse to. You might not have said "real man" like many women have, but you called him a little boy. Little boy> not a real man. Not much difference. My post makes alot of sense to me and many others. My post wasn't aimed just at you. Only the remark about the "little boy". My post was aimed at the whole thread collectively. Perhaps, that is what confused you. Needless to say, it's not that important. We can just agree to disagree on that one. I'm not calling anybody directly a hypocrite. But yes, I do feel that many are being hypocritical. I'm sure if most of these posters significant others came home with similar news, somehow someway empathy, sympathy, understanding would come real fast. It's too easy to tell others what to do, how to feel, or how they should handle things when we are not directly in their shoes.
This is true, but a smart man who is in love will consider all sides.
Quote:
Originally Posted by supermanpansy
And I think that many of the guys are putting themselves in his shoes. Perhaps we should all look at both sides instead of just relating to our own gender.
You want him to love her and put it behind. Yet, she clearly didn't love herself when she was servicing half the university. Why should anyone love anyone who doesn't even have any love/ respect for themselves.
She can do better, and so can he.
This is true, but that was then and this is now. People change, whether for the good or the bad. What if it were he that had done something like this and she was on here talking about this. People would dismiss it as no big deal.....oh he was just sewing his wild oats. Now he is an an adult and ready to be in a serious relationship. But it isn't. It is about her and she chose to be garbage and a ****.
There is such a huge difference when it is on the flip side. I don't agree with any of these types of behaviors. It is not how I am. I believe your body is your temple. So I am not going to say that what she did was right. I am going to say that he has no right to judge and condemn her. No one does.
OP, if you think she merely blew those guys I have a bridge to sell you. That it came up during the reunion means she was notorious for sexually servicing the fraternity. Thing is though, the next girl you date might be equally promiscuous. People simply are much more promiscuous than they were in the past, and every year it gets a bit worse. Your main problem is that you actually know about her life before you. I think you have to be honest with yourself about whether it is a deal breaker for you, and if it is, break things off. If you look at her and imagine 100 different penises in her every hole - a distinct possibility since we are talking about servicing a fraternity - you can't have a happy, loving relationship with her.
Hmmm...I can't help but think that if these very understanding and forgiving ladies here on CD were the real life girlfriends, spouses, or SOs of the dudes she blew-- they wouldn't be so understanding, forgiving, and kind. We would probably be seeing terms from them like these: w***e, s**t, etc., etc.
I could be wrong!
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Hmmm...I can't help but think that if these very understanding and forgiving ladies here on CD were the real life girlfriends, spouses, or SOs of the dudes she blew-- they wouldn't be so understanding, forgiving, and kind. We would probably be seeing terms from them like these: w***e, s**t, etc., etc.