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This reminds me of a thread I saw awhile back. Might have been here or another forum.
A guy married many years found a handwritten list while cleaning out his wife's desk. The title was "Partners". What followed was a list with 100+ names. With dates. And some names were female. And some had multiple names on the same day. To top it off, there was a rating system next to the names. The list ended in the year of her first marriage.
He was freaked. He knew his wife had a reputation of being a party girl in college, long before he met her. The responses somewhat matched what we are seeing in this thread. The majority of females thought he should feel special since he was chosen over all those other guys.
To the OP-
It seems that more than the number itself is the deception behind it. I agree the past is the past BUT WHEN ASKED you shouldn't lie to your future spouse no matter how bad it is. The lie is, in some respects, worse than what she was lying about.
I know its not just you but stop with the "he needs a virgin" crap. He has not once said that he wants a virgin or that he expected her to be a virgin.
She lied to him and said that she only had sex with 6 people then later on when her past shows up he discovers that she had lied to him and instead of that number being 6 its really 35-50+. She lied to him from the start about a part of her past. Also its not just men who bring up sexual history, dont always assume its the man who brings it up, in every relationship I have had I have never been the one to bring up sexual history, its always been the girl who has brought it up.
Also even if they never had the sexual history talk he would of found out about this large number eventually so the whole "dont ever ask about someones sexual history" or "its none of your business" doesnt apply, it is always better to hear it from your partner then to hear it from someone else.
Well. The rule that it's" understandable and even 'fair' in any other situation to decide who is right for you and ex out anyone that's not -- went right out the window in this situation, didn't it. Surprising.
So true. This is a double standard that can easily die in my mind. If you are so obsessed with someone elses sexual history, when yours in not so squeaky clean (In your mind) go find a 40 year old virgin.
Its actually NOT a double standard because unless you're a really attractive guy, you will never be able to have sex on demand. Most men have to work for it since men are expected to be the initiators and the seducers; whereas most women do not have to put any effort in at all.
Men get generally respected for having a high count because they have to work for it - which is, also why men who go to prostitutes are considered losers & pathetic, because the man put no effort in to get what he wanted.
This girl obviously dodged a bullet. She obviously feels bad about what she did in the past. Oh nice of you to treat her like some evil monster. Good luck finding a virgin.
This girl obviously dodged a bullet. She obviously feels bad about what she did in the past. Oh nice of you to treat her like some evil monster. Good luck finding a virgin.
He should move to Pakistan, I hear there are plenty of unspoilt virgins there.
I just can't imagine that who she was 10 years ago over shadows who she is now.
And the worst part OP? You can ask your future women the same question - but you'll never know if they are lying.
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It's one thing to be freaked out at the number of partners she had, and even break up with her because she lied about it in the first place, it's another to ridicule her about past experiences that she's ashamed of.
Like I said, way to be a douchebag, and good luck finding someone who's # doesn't bother you.
First of all, I was always more "experienced" than the people I dated. Fortunately (or not), I had my own reasons, and it was just a portion of my life that I got through .. about 6 years. How long have you known your fiance' that you haven't discussed (not necessarily in detail) how many guys she's been with (have you asked her about girls?)
In the same light, how many girls (and/or guys) have you been with? Who are you to decide how many is too many. What if she thinks your experience is "too little?" You haven't been taken as a fool, you've been told what you need to know.
As long as your health and safety are not in jeopardy, there is nothing else you have a right to know. Perhaps she was brutalized or otherwise abused by all or some of the fraternity but she chooses to dismiss it? It's her way of dealing with things. You passing judgement is inappropriate and will only make it worse.
Every single thing we do (including how many times we blink our eyes) contributes to our actions, our decisions, our choices. Perhaps she made one tiny mistake that changed the course of her life. Or, perhaps she just chose to make a decision that has made her into the person she is today.
If you can't deal with her past, you need counseling. I don't think she does. Is she faithful to you? That's all that matters.
What seems lost here is that it's not just the number of guys...it's that she let herself be passed around like a used-up sex doll by a bunch of frat boy D-bags. To me, that would be vastly different than if she had the same # of partners but more in the context of relationships.
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