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I don't agree with the first part of this. You are only recently divorced, you should not be having any contact with her at all. That distance helps us emotionally to move on and start healing. I agree life is too short to be upset and hold grudges but this doesn't preclude you from not vesting any time or energy into maintaining any kind of relationship at all with this manipulative, emotionally disturbed ex of yours.
EXACTLY.
In a situation like this one, trying to remain "friends" is delusional.
There is likely a lot of co-dependency in their history though and he hasn't figured out how to have her completely out of his life.
He is a prime candidate for some therapy so he can learn how to move on.
In a situation like this one, trying to remain "friends" is delusional.
There is likely a lot of co-dependency in their history though and he hasn't figured out how to have her completely out of his life.
He is a prime candidate for some therapy so he can learn how to move on.
I genuinely don't get this.
I don't talk to her, don't think of her, don't interact with her. I'm seeing a few other women, actively trying to pursue a relationship with one of them, and have been enjoying life as is.
We just became facebook friends again about a month ago (removed since July of last year), she'll send me a "how are you?" text every few weeks - I simply say how I am at that moment and that's the end of it.
She sent the stuff about wanting to get back together 2 weeks ago or so, I just said no and left it at that.
I think people on here are more upset and emotional than I am? And I find that odd...
We didn't officially get divorced until October, but separated and took our rings off in July.
cut ties and move on...what do you have to gain from this outside of "how are you doing?" every few weeks?
what the hell is the point of it?
are you trying to just be nice by amusing her pokes or do YOU want more from it then you realize?
the situation is only going to serve as major drama unless you REALLY want something from this situation.
it obvious she wants to get back with you. your motivations may be true as "just a friend" but she has admitted other motivations for remaining in touch with you...don't lead thirsty people to water when all you have to offer is sand.
a soul mate? unless you feel the same way im sorry but your not two like minded souls by any means. unless and until you guys are on the exact same page for what you want from remaining in touch with one another, you will never have a proper friendship, just a dysfunctional acquaintanceship.
stop trying to be "nice" and start to get real about what is right in front of you.
Last edited by rego00123; 04-23-2013 at 05:36 PM..
I don't talk to her, don't think of her, don't interact with her. I'm seeing a few other women, actively trying to pursue a relationship with one of them, and have been enjoying life as is.
We just became facebook friends again about a month ago (removed since July of last year), she'll send me a "how are you?" text every few weeks - I simply say how I am at that moment and that's the end of it.
She sent the stuff about wanting to get back together 2 weeks ago or so, I just said no and left it at that.
I think people on here are more upset and emotional than I am? And I find that odd...
We didn't officially get divorced until October, but separated and took our rings off in July.
Okay, I'll try to spell it out for you.
Given all this woman put you through, a separation and divorce from a situation like this would normally mean no contact between the two parties.
NONE. Zero. That means no texting and certainly no being Facebook friends Let your two lawyers be friends instead.
Regardless of how much "compassion" you may still feel toward her, or whatever is fueling your desire to remain in some kind of contact in your mind, this is not a good thing.
You could benefit from some counseling that would help you learn about boundaries and co-dependency.
Given all this woman put you through, a separation and divorce from a situation like this would normally mean no contact between the two parties.
NONE. Zero. That means no texting and certainly no being Facebook friends Let your two lawyers be friends instead.
Regardless of how much "compassion" you may still feel toward her, or whatever is fueling your desire to remain in some kind of contact in your mind, this is not a good thing.
You could benefit from some counseling that would help you learn about boundaries and co-dependency.
Ok, let me try and spell it out for you..
For some people, once they've moved on and came to terms with the end of a relationship - they're perfectly capable of being civil and friendly with the other person.
I doesn't mean hang out. It doesn't mean go to the movies with each other. It doesn't mean daily or even frequent communication.
I've had 9 months to come to terms, and get over it. I'm done grieving and have moved on. She's with a new guy, he sounds great, they look cute together, and I'm happy for her.
I'm happy in my life, and I'm finding girls I enjoy and feel happy with. Aside from being states away from my family, this is perhaps the best my life has ever been...
I don't have or feel all this negativity you guys try to impress on me...
For some people, once they've moved on and came to terms with the end of a relationship - they're perfectly capable of being civil and friendly with the other person.
I doesn't mean hang out. It doesn't mean go to the movies with each other. It doesn't mean daily or even frequent communication.
I've had 9 months to come to terms, and get over it. I'm done grieving and have moved on. She's with a new guy, he sounds great, they look cute together, and I'm happy for her.
I'm happy in my life, and I'm finding girls I enjoy and feel happy with. Aside from being states away from my family, this is perhaps the best my life has ever been...
I don't have or feel all this negativity you guys try to impress on me...
You are still not getting it. If you are happy for her, and want her to have a great, loving life with her new man and new baby, you need to disappear. Your continued presence in her life only complicates her situation, and clearly she is not sane enough to figure that out for herself. Do the guy a solid and cut off contact.
I forget that you are the guy we have to keep telling that IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU.
You are still not getting it. If you are happy for her, and want her to have a great, loving life with her new man and new baby, you need to disappear. Your continued presence in her life only complicates her situation, and clearly she is not sane enough to figure that out for herself. Do the guy a solid and cut off contact.
I forget that you are the guy we have to keep telling that IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU.
I appreciate your advice, but you're about 9 months late, and I already did the blocking/no communicating thing last year.
I don't think she actually expected us to get back together. What she said seemed to be largely an apology, and acknowledging what she did was wrong. She's living her life, I'm living mine.
I think being able to communicate with one another and not freak out is healthy.
I appreciate your advice, but you're about 9 months late, and I already did the blocking/no communicating thing last year.
I don't think she actually expected us to get back together. What she said seemed to be largely an apology, and acknowledging what she did was wrong. She's living her life, I'm living mine.
I think being able to communicate with one another and not freak out is healthy.
so what did she say?
according to you she just messaged you 2 weeks ago wanting to get back together and now you are saying she just apologized...either you believe she was asking to get back with you when apologizing to you, she really did ask you to start up again or neither of the two.
you're causing some pretty significant confusion with the details you give. things really dont add up which is why people are being the way they are with you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheEarthBeneathMe
I think being able to communicate with one another and not freak out is healthy.
doesn't sound like you communicate very well given you are not even sure at any given moment what she is telling to you.
Last edited by rego00123; 04-24-2013 at 01:45 AM..
I think being able to communicate with one another and not freak out is healthy.
However, self-delusion is not healthy.
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Let your two lawyers be friends instead.
