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I used to be one of those women about short guys "everything below 6 doesnt exist for me" etc etc. Both of my LTR were guys above 6. And then i found this AMAZING guy so charming in many ways that is around 5 10 (im 5 9) and i thought "what the hell?". The other day i wore high heels with him and was slightly taller and didnt feel uncomfortable at all. I think i would date him if he were shorter too
..., from my experience, the only ones who profess to have "deal-breakers" are women. By deal-breaker I mean some physical preference that is declared as an absolute, something like "I can't find guys under 6'0" attractive" or "I have but one deal-breaker: no bald/balding guys."
You'd think women are just blowing steam when they say this, but I've seen it in practice. This one girl was talking to a guy at a party, hitting it off quite well with him. She mentioned that she only likes guys 6'0"+. The guy said he's 5'11", at which point she suddenly found an excuse to exit the conversation. (No doubt she probably has done the arithmetic and determined that, since she must look exactly 2+" or shorter than a guy in a picture while wearing her 4.5" high-heeled shoes, the shortest she can allow herself to date is 6'0".) I also heard one woman say that she doesn't like blonde-haired guys. It's a no-compromise standard of beauty that she can't change. Sucks for guys like Brad Pitt and Daniel Craig.
Maybe I'm exceptionally lax when it comes to my physical preferences, but I can honestly say that I don't have any deal-breakers, or certainly not any that involve an exact dimension such as a maximum weight I'll allow. I wouldn't date a fat woman, but that's just saying that I wouldn't date anyone that doesn't take care of themselves physically; same thing as saying I wouldn't date a woman who never brushes her teeth or washes her hair. There's a pudgy blonde girl that works at the front desk at the gym I go to, and I would date her or bang her without hesitation. Some women actually look better pudgy than slender. If you name any combination of traits -- hair color, eye color, weight, breast size, density of freckles, etc. -- I can think of a particular woman I'm attracted to who has those traits.
Discuss.
After reading your post, it sounds to me like the "shallow Hal'ness" is 50-50 in your eyes. No problem with the 50-50 split on this as long as neither side hurts anyone's feelings. Unfortunately, men and women are first attracted to one another physically then comes getting to know a person on a more intimate level that goes beyond the looks. When I met my present husband he was well over 300 lbs and I was no skinny Minnie either. We started out as friends, and as I talked with him and got to know him I found out that he was a super smart guy, very respectful and oh so much fun to be with. AND I am 10 years older than him. He is also quite a bit taller than me so to me he looked like this huge mountain man with a beard. We simply had so much fun together, talked for hours on the phone and I simply couldn't get enough of being around him. Now...we are married, have been together for 15 years and are working to keep our weight at healthy levels..we work on it together. BTW....isn't there a better word to describe the "Pudgy Blonde" who works at the desk at your gym? I understand that the kids now a days use the word "thick"...can't understand why you have to call her anything but "the Blonde" or better yet...why not find out her name???
But when women complain about being judged by their looks, this is not usually what they are talking about. They are usually objecting to being judged by their looks in situations where what they look like shouldn't really matter.
For example, during O.J. Simpson's murder trial, the media were constantly making comments about lead prosecutor Marcia Clark's appearance. They yammered on about her outfits, her hairstyles, whether she had bags under her eyes on a particular day. Yet, the press never mentioned Lee Bailey's weight, or Robert Kardashian's hairline, or the color of Johnny Cochran's neckties.
I think women expect to have their looks judged when dating. It is when they are judged in other contexts that they complain.
Who is to say when looks should matter or not? Looks matter everyday in nearly all circumstances.
At the job interview, dress code at work, in a crowd your apperance of being unsketchy, and belive it or not allot of people won't even take certain people in account in a casual conversation if the person wanting to speak in a social circle doesn't stand out.
I have seen women get dolled up for work..why? because they want attention, they want to look good for others. Some say they dress for themselves I say thats 60% BS, otherwise they would get dolled up at home when they stay in all day with no one over.
Many women want a double standard on everything these days. They want to knit pick on men but want men to accept them and their excuses.
I currently live in San Antonio, TX and I can tell you right now there are so many short fat ugly women with uppity picky attitudes. They want men to have trhe whole 9yards but they refuse to lose a few pounds.
Like I said, this is just my experience thus far. Perhaps you can point me to an example on this forum where a guy who says "I won't date a woman who doesn't have at least size 32C breasts." Then I'll change my view.
Allot of guys have strong preferences but most of those preferences are negotionable when casually dating.
The difference is that men normally seek out women, hence they don't need to think much about their requirements. Just pick the girl that is closest to your preferences
Women often wait till they are being approached, and sometimes they get approached by guys they don't want to date at all, hence they need to know what they want and what they don't want.
This is about it. In the traditional dating scenario, men choose who they approach, and while they may not quantify why they're interested in buying a drink for Woman A as opposed to Woman B or Woman C, by choosing A he's already made his choice. The only power Woman A has is to accept or reject his interest based on her own preferences.
And for those who say that men aren't shallow, I can't even begin to find all the threads that guys say things like "women with short hair look like men" (heck, there's one over in fashion and beauty where a couple of guys are insisting that women who wear pants are lesbians) or "any women who weighs more than 120 pounds is disgusting." That sort of thing happens all the time, and if you haven't noticed it, you must be new here.
This is about it. In the traditional dating scenario, men choose who they approach, and while they may not quantify why they're interested in buying a drink for Woman A as opposed to Woman B or Woman C, by choosing A he's already made his choice. The only power Woman A has is to accept or reject his interest based on her own preferences.
And for those who say that men aren't shallow, I can't even begin to find all the threads that guys say things like "women with short hair look like men" (heck, there's one over in fashion and beauty where a couple of guys are insisting that women who wear pants are lesbians) or "any women who weighs more than 120 pounds is disgusting." That sort of thing happens all the time, and if you haven't noticed it, you must be new here.
So what is said by some guys on here makes all men shallow? Some guys like to project their own preferences onto the rest of the gender. They will say something like "all women over the age of 25 are over the hill and busted" or they something like "guys are not attracted to fat women, no man wants an overweight woman." What they really should say is I am not into women who are 25 or I am not into overweight women.
The problem is that when any one guy proudly and loudly states their preference, too many of you ladies assume that they are the mouth piece for the entire male gender.
So what is said by some guys on here makes all men shallow? Here's some guys like to project their own preferences onto the rest of the gender. They will say something like "all women over the age of 25 are over the hill and busted" or they something like "guys are not attracted to fat women, no man wants an overweight woman." What they really should say is I am not into women who are 25 or I am not into overweight women.
The problem is that when any one guy proudly and loudly states their preference, too many of you ladies assume that they are the mouth piece for the entire male gender.
I don't disagree with you, but they don't exactly exemplify the notion that men as a whole aren't shallow as the OP would like us to believe.
So what is said by some guys on here makes all men shallow? Some guys like to project their own preferences onto the rest of the gender. They will say something like "all women over the age of 25 are over the hill and busted" or they something like "guys are not attracted to fat women, no man wants an overweight woman." What they really should say is I am not into women who are 25 or I am not into overweight women.
The problem is that when any one guy proudly and loudly states their preference, too many of you ladies assume that they are the mouth piece for the entire male gender.
And too many of you MEN assume that one woman speaks for the entire female population when she states that she won't date a guy who is balding, has to have her makeup on before anyone sees her, has to have a cleaning woman even though she does not work outside the home, has to have the latest and greatest most expensive fashions, is only looking for men to marry who have money, material possessions and status.....etc etc etc......
And too many of you MEN assume that one woman speaks for the entire female population when she states that she won't date a guy who is balding, has to have her makeup on before anyone sees her, has to have a cleaning woman even though she does not work outside the home, has to have the latest and greatest most expensive fashions, is only looking for men to marry who have money, material possessions and status.....etc etc etc......
And you ladies have no problem setting the record straight (even some of the guys join in) which is what I'm doing here.
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