Women :who do you love more ,your husband or kids (divorce, cancer)

[Chowhound]

While I'm a man, and I don't have children, I'll chime in with my 2 cents.

I think as much as we don't want to admit it, I think the mothers love for the kids is probably stronger. I say this because love is "conditional" with a spouse, and not nearly as much with a child.

As someone else said, I think it's also a time issue as well, I think when the kids are smaller and more dependent on care, I think as the kids grow older and move out, this probably shifts things back...


IDK... just my thoughts.

[Mikala43]

As devastated as I was to lose my husband, I would have to imagine his parents must have been much worse. It's not natural to lose your child.

I have no children, but can imagine the bond that must be established to carry that life inside you and support it with your own. Then to be responsible to protect and grow and healthy child. I would think the drive to protect the child would be almost on a cellular level. I would think both parents would be saving the child first. I truly pray with all my heart that no one is ever put in that situation.

[Braunwyn]

Originally Posted by psichick

So, what about the following facts?

You do realize there are part-time parents out there who didn't birth their own children right? I don't understand why people believe just because it doesn't pop out of your womb (or you weren't the sperm donor), you know nothing about parenting.

Have you met nannies who work full-time live within the household and basically raise the children, but have no children of their own? Sorry, I'd call them parents (because usually the egg/sperm donor aren't parenting).

And you would be wrong literally and figuratively. When a nanny quits her job, and they all do, nobody is going to fault her. It's a job. She may not feel like doing it any more. There's no obligation there. If a mother quits there is something seriously wrong to an order of magnitude of mental illness or even evil. No offense, but I don't know why you think any of your examples are in the same universe as parent.

[Greatday]

Originally Posted by highlife2

As a guy to have your wife divorce you with a small child or several small children is a kiss of death, the woman can get up to 33% of your after tax income and a lot of things that once sounded crazy before start sounding viable, like leaving or filling out a living will, etc.

u
First, let's be clear: You are NOT an attorney. The amount the court awards is FIRST predicated on state law and state laws vary GREATLY. Do we have that clear? Next you must understand that many husbands get the kids and the man gets spousal maintenance and child support.

Try not to sound like a lawyer who specializes in DR law.

[ninamarie50]

Even though it is a different love I think that it ends up being the same kinda love. We (i am speaking as a women OK) we fall in mad love with our men. But when we have children with that man and as our kids grow our men seem to be like our children (please understand I am speaking of my feelings of long relationship with my ex). There is nothing in the world that would ever have any type comparison to my childrens love. My opionion is hands down it would be the fact that I love my children way more than I ever would my husband, or any one else ever!

[steelstress]

Originally Posted by Dewdrop93

All the people posting here who do not have children and are talking about who they would love more have no idea what they are talking about.

Same old crock, different day.

[cra2ybeautiful]

so if you had to rescue your mother or husband and had no other choice but between those 2. You'd pick your husband over your mother?

Originally Posted by nald

It should be like this:
1. children
2. wife/husband
3. your siblings and parents

It's a no-brainer to conclude that children come first, they are your biological offspring (and even those that you adopt should be treated the same way, otherwise you shuoldn't have accepted the adoption in the first place), you are supposed to invest all you can into them, they are the future.
Why should the wife come second? Because she's supposed to be not only your best friend and mother of your mutual children, but she's the only member of nuclear family aside from you and your children, spending most time together with you and the children. If she can't be your confide and your closest relative, things can always go towards separation/dissolution of the nuclear unit and it's only a question if you'll encounter into an issue big enough to trigger it - and you (un)consciously wanted it to happen.
Why should the brothers, sisters and your parents come third? Because they are your closest blood-relatives, aside of your children. You were the part of that nuclear family once, your parents should look at you the way you look at your children, your should should look at each other just like you want your children to look at each other.

Dogs and other stuff? That comes way after those three.

[Jennylogic]

Originally Posted by Mikala43

As devastated as I was to lose my husband, I would have to imagine his parents must have been much worse. It's not natural to lose your child.

I have no children, but can imagine the bond that must be established to carry that life inside you and support it with your own. Then to be responsible to protect and grow and healthy child. I would think the drive to protect the child would be almost on a cellular level. I would think both parents would be saving the child first. I truly pray with all my heart that no one is ever put in that situation.

I want to give you some insight on this subject. I have already lost one of my kid.
When i lost my kid. I was not necessarily able to function as a person. But when I wasn't, my husband functioned for me. When he couldn't, I functioned for him. Together, we managed to pass as one functional person when neither of us could have done so alone. Together, we managed to have someone who accepted our pain, denial, anger, whatever it was on that day. Together, we managed to have one single other living soul who was sharing the same excruciating path with us. Together, we survived.
Alone, I for one would not have.
When our daughter was diagnosed with cancer,we looked at each other and both said - "Whatever happens, we will do this. Together. Nothing will divide us, our love for each other is the most important thing."
For me, another adult is a source of support and healing and I can rely on them to pick up the slack. If I lost him, I couldn't look to my kid to pick up the slack, or lean on my kid when I was hurting, or skip the business of caring for my kid and let him do what we need.
My husband for me is the biggest reason why i am alive after losing my kid.
So for me ,it would have been worse had i lost my husband at that given point of time.
It does not mean ,i didn't loved my daughter unconitonally. I still grieve , i still cry sometimes .Our other kids are all adults now . So my husband is the only person i could lean and cry on as much as i want.
Our dear daughter would always remain in our hearts.

[cra2ybeautiful]

Well not sure I agree with this. After all, you might outlive your husband, divorce, children will always be in your life and act as your children despite them marrying or not. Children most of the time outlive their father or mother and will always be there in times of need. Would it be right of them if they prefer their husband over you like the poster above me has said? I think as a family unit the love can't be more for the other.. there has to be no favoritism because everyone needs support to get through the tough times.

Originally Posted by Jennylogic

Firstly, I believe that we fall deeply in love with our babies and our young families. But speaking as a mother of older children – I have come full circle to know that my love for my husband is above and beyond that for my children. But that is because I am seeing them for the individuals that they have grown into and will soon enter the world as. Not as the babies and young ones dependent upon me for life.
I love my children dearly and deeply – but I have returned to the original state of the union with my husband where I have remembered where and why it all began. Between the two of us and our love for each other. The kids will grow and move away – and the relationship with my husband will be on the forefront of my mind. It is he that I will pass the days with while my children grow and live their own lives and create their own families.
I hope that my husband and I have communicated our love for each other in such a manner that my children feel compelled to want the same for themselves. Each night I pray for the individuals that they will share their lives and love with – even though we haven’t met them yet.

[himain]

My cat

Seriously if I was married with kids it would be my husband first and then my kids. Cause without loving your husband the home isn't happy and therefore the kids aren't happy