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Do you love your mother the same way you love your wife? Do you love your sister the same way you love your child? Love is different. It's not a competition. And it's not some unchangeable, measurable object. And in a healthy family - the parents are a team whose top priority is the family. When your child is a baby - the top priority is the baby. My husband and I can feed ourselves, bathe ourselves, clothe ourselves, etc. Our 22 month old son cannot. He needs constant attention - and luckily, my husband and I are a team instead of attention hungry adults competing against our son. Right now, my bond to my son is so strong you can almost see a rope stretching between the two of us. Right now, that's necessary. Although I'll always love him tremendously, I know that, in time, the bonds will change so that I will be able to let go of him and let him become his own person. My love for my husband is completely different - but just as strong and wonderful.
I just don't understand why so many people on here seem to think that they can make a list of the people they love in the order in which they love them - and why they think that a family unit is broken up into who loves who more and who gets more attention.
Firstly, I believe that we fall deeply in love with our babies and our young families. But speaking as a mother of older children – I have come full circle to know that my love for my husband is above and beyond that for my children. But that is because I am seeing them for the individuals that they have grown into and will soon enter the world as. Not as the babies and young ones dependent upon me for life.
I love my children dearly and deeply – but I have returned to the original state of the union with my husband where I have remembered where and why it all began. Between the two of us and our love for each other. The kids will grow and move away – and the relationship with my husband will be on the forefront of my mind. It is he that I will pass the days with while my children grow and live their own lives and create their own families.
I hope that my husband and I have communicated our love for each other in such a manner that my children feel compelled to want the same for themselves. Each night I pray for the individuals that they will share their lives and love with – even though we haven’t met them yet.
It should be like this:
1. children
2. wife/husband
3. your siblings and parents
It's a no-brainer to conclude that children come first, they are your biological offspring (and even those that you adopt should be treated the same way, otherwise you shuoldn't have accepted the adoption in the first place), you are supposed to invest all you can into them, they are the future.
Why should the wife come second? Because she's supposed to be not only your best friend and mother of your mutual children, but she's the only member of nuclear family aside from you and your children, spending most time together with you and the children. If she can't be your confide and your closest relative, things can always go towards separation/dissolution of the nuclear unit and it's only a question if you'll encounter into an issue big enough to trigger it - and you (un)consciously wanted it to happen.
Why should the brothers, sisters and your parents come third? Because they are your closest blood-relatives, aside of your children. You were the part of that nuclear family once, your parents should look at you the way you look at your children, your should should look at each other just like you want your children to look at each other.
Dogs and other stuff? That comes way after those three.
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