Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
This is exactly what my dad did to my mom her entire life. They were married just short of 57 years when my dad passed away. In all those years my mom never had girlfriends to do things with, activities outside the home to enjoy and do but to her credit she never complained about it. Since he passed away though she has become more active in church, etc. and does quite a bit. She does day trips with her friends and has a good time. She enjoys shopping alone, or with me, without being 'bugged'. Growing up with my parents, and watching my mom devote her entire life to my dad, I decided what kind of wife I wanted to be but NOT one that wasn't allowed to have a life outside the home and friends.
My ex and I both understood one another's need for alone time. Some weekends, about once a month, I'd go visit my kids and family letting him have the house to himself. Sometimes he'd go on weekend hike/camping trips, with a friend or two or alone, and I'd get the house to myself. I actually spent half the year without him, every year for ten years. He was a firefighter with the USFS and gone most of the time. We both usually worked winters but sometimes we'd both take off and enjoy three or four months just hanging out and traveling. So we had our times of being apart and times of being together 24/7. In that respect we got along really well. Only problem with all of that was adjusting to him being gone and then readjusting to him being back and having to 'consult' him about things I just did/took care of when he was gone.
Me too! He expected her to live for him. They seperated briefly, it nearly killed him. So much so that the site of his deteriorated physical appearance guilted her into taking him back. I felt sorry for him, but he brought it on. He was really controlling. She would go to lunch at work and he'd drive around town, trying to find her. She couldn't even run an errand without him following her to make sure she was doing as she "should" be. He was that way with me, too. I wasn't allowed to have friends or dates as a teen. But, that's another thread and years worth of therapy ROFL. But like you, it made me understand what sort of relationship with a husband I did NOT want. And when that pattern started with a boyfriend, I knew to get the hell OUT.
My husband was military, and now travels a bit for work. Every since we met, his job has never been typical, so it's not hard to handle. Man I so get what you mean about adjusting though. You get used to one pattern, then it changes and you adjust to another... I can definitely relate.
What's so outrageous about 5 days alone?? I work full time, maintain a house and a yard, and spend several nights a week at the gym. I would prefer to have my weekdays on MY schedule. That way I can be a bit more relaxed on the weekends.
When I was younger and single, I could see that. Now married with kids, it just seems foreign to me. To me that seems barely more than a booty call.
I do get the aspect of being more relaxed, and I'm glad it works for you. I guess to me, there are only so many hours in a day, and in a week, and when you only see your SO for 5 of those hours, it almost seems pointless.
I am posting as a married man with a good self/couple balance, but when I was dating, the idea of "giving her her space and me mine" sounded great, but here's how it always went:
"We don't have to spend every day together, let's just get together on weekends when we can relax".
"OK, sounds great." (I'm cool so far, since I like my space too).
So during the week we work, go to school, hang with friends, etc. then see each other Friday and Sat night, etc.
Next conversation goes:
"Why do you expect to have sex EVERY TIME we see each other?"
Me: Well yeah, I haven't seen you, (or gotten laid) in almost a WEEK!!
When I was younger and single, I could see that. Now married with kids, it just seems foreign to me. To me that seems barely more than a booty call.
I do get the aspect of being more relaxed, and I'm glad it works for you. I guess to me, there are only so many hours in a day, and in a week, and when you only see your SO for 5 of those hours, it almost seems pointless.
"Booty Call" - haven't heard that term in a while.
I think one of the main reasons for the extremely high rate of divorce and breakups is that women cannot accept that men need their space. There's this silly idea that, if men need time apart from their SO's, then something must be wrong. It's not true.
Men need men time. We need to hang out alone and we need to hang out with other men. In our society that's just such an unpopular notion. Everything has to be mixed gender now. Back in the olden days, back when the divorce rate was almost non-existent, you had clubs just for men, places they could go and hang out, have a cocktail and a smoke. Even in the workplace you had many fewer women. When groups of people got together for a dinner they would eat and then the men would go to their area to hang out and the women had theirs.
And what did this result in? Longer lasting, healthier marriages. And the statistics are there to prove me right.
We need this time apart to decompress and not have a woman up in our business. And the men who have women up in they bidness everyday all day eventually grow to despise them. I've seen it happen many times.
I honestly don't believe that you will ever have an issue with future love interests not giving you your space.
The remainder of the male population can deal with their own space issues.
I am posting as a married man with a good self/couple balance, but when I was dating, the idea of "giving her her space and me mine" sounded great, but here's how it always went:
"We don't have to spend every day together, let's just get together on weekends when we can relax".
"OK, sounds great." (I'm cool so far, since I like my space too).
So during the week we work, go to school, hang with friends, etc. then see each other Friday and Sat night, etc.
Next conversation goes:
"Why do you expect to have sex EVERY TIME we see each other?"
Me: Well yeah, I haven't seen you, (or gotten laid) in almost a WEEK!!
Ladies, solution to that issue...don't go anywhere with him that isn't a public place when you hang out on the weekends. Problem solved. If sex twice a week is a problem.
When I was younger and single, I could see that. Now married with kids, it just seems foreign to me. To me that seems barely more than a booty call.
I do get the aspect of being more relaxed, and I'm glad it works for you. I guess to me, there are only so many hours in a day, and in a week, and when you only see your SO for 5 of those hours, it almost seems pointless.
Well, I work the evening shift and don't get out until after 10pm-ish. He works at 6am and lives about 35 minutes away from me and I don't have a car. So, we basically can't see each other during the week and only have Saturday and part of Sunday to see one another. Sometimes you have to work with what you're given.
It's why I don't believe in lifetime monogamy with one person.
Also don't think men and women should live together. Separate apartments, condos, house down the road. Maybe that's just me though. I like A LOT of space to myself.
Me too! He expected her to live for him. They seperated briefly, it nearly killed him. So much so that the site of his deteriorated physical appearance guilted her into taking him back. I felt sorry for him, but he brought it on. He was really controlling. She would go to lunch at work and he'd drive around town, trying to find her. She couldn't even run an errand without him following her to make sure she was doing as she "should" be. He was that way with me, too. I wasn't allowed to have friends or dates as a teen. But, that's another thread and years worth of therapy ROFL. But like you, it made me understand what sort of relationship with a husband I did NOT want. And when that pattern started with a boyfriend, I knew to get the hell OUT.
My husband was military, and now travels a bit for work. Every since we met, his job has never been typical, so it's not hard to handle. Man I so get what you mean about adjusting though. You get used to one pattern, then it changes and you adjust to another... I can definitely relate.
My mom wouldn't have dreamed of leaving my dad. Well, she did once when I was about 8...sorta. She got mad at him, walked out the door and up the sidewalk leaving him standing there with all the kids! He chased her down, brought her back and that was that. Other than my dad having to have mom right there with him all the time he was really a great husband and dad. My dad did have physical limitations that required my mom's help sometimes but even so he worked hard and supported a family of 8. I wanted a marriage like my parents had but MINUS that lack of personal freedom. I could never live that way.
Yeah, I'm sure you can relate. People used to ask me how I could stand it when my husband was gone so much. I always said it was no different, but probably a lot better, than being a military wife. And besides, the check came in the mail!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
