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If you read online dating profiles, you'll often see people say they look younger than their age. And I'm sure a lot of those people truly believe it. But the more I read it, the more it comes across as insecurity. Don't apologize for your age. Don't add a qualifier to it. I'm 45, but look younger. Really? According to who. Your friends who might just be saying that to be nice? Your family who don't want you to feel old? The waiter who just wants a big tip?
I get told I'm younger than I look. Fairly often actually. And while it's flattering, I no longer take those comments seriously. I've come to terms with my age. When I look in the mirror, I see someone who looks very much his age. And I know that when it comes to age, women have it harder. Online, they might shave a year or two off their age to show up in someone's search results. So on top of that, you have many women trying to downplay their age. Over and over on this and similar forums, I hear women say the most attractive quality in a man is confidence. Well guess what. Us men find confidence attractive as well. Or rather, we find insecurity unattractive. So now when I see a woman's profile that says "people tell me I look younger than my age" or someone tries to set me up with a friend and says "she looks younger than her age," I actually become less interested.
I'm 5'8" and sometimes feel insecure about it. Should I say that I'm 5'8" but look taller? LOL.
I always looked younger than I was, till I started actually 'getting up there' in years. I still get told I don't look my age. I think it's mostly because I have a 'young personality' though. However, I have never met anyone who could tell me exactly what ANY age is 'supposed' to look like...or act. Because I evidently looked younger, and was told I "acted younger" I often got treated like I was a dummy. Or at least not as respected and listened to as I wanted to be. I think, in my case now, the people who still think I look younger than I am are people close to my own age. I have a feeling the youngsters do, indeed, think I look 'my age'.
I don't think anyone should lie about anything because they are going to be found out eventually anyway and there goes ALL their credibility.
Being 5'8" is nothing to sneeze at. If you're really skinny it MIGHT make you look taller. lol
The responses to this read don't surprise me one bit. I knew it was only a matter of time before someone chimed in to say, "but I really do look younger than my age." Yeah, keep telling yourself that and keep believing it when other people say it. What I find hysterical is the idea that people's notions of what a 40+ person looks like have been shaped by watching TV shows from 50 years ago. Really? Does that mean you still think most shows are black and white? So basically what you're saying is that everyone but you is stuck with an outdated idea of what a middle aged person looks like. Sorry, but that doesn't fly. Give your reader some credit for intelligence. They live in the same world you do. They see the same middle aged people you do. So whatever notions they have about what a typical middle aged person looks like, I assure you that it's no different than yours. That means that when you say you look younger than your age, what you're really saying is, "I've seen the majority of people my age and so have you, so take my word that I look better than them."
Now think of what kind of message that sends. One, it says that you think you're better than everyone else in your age group. Two, it says that you're perhaps worried that your reader will assume you're like everyone else your age unless you explicitly point out that you're different. So you potentially risk telling your reader that you're arrogant and/or ashamed. Yeah, that's a really great message to send. Ohio_pleasant made an excellent point. Everyone wants to stand out, to appear unique, as if they're worried that certain stereotypes about whatever group they belong to will work against them. Hey, I get it. I work in the computer field so I know all about how people can prejudge you based on what group you belong to. Maybe someone won't give me a fair chance because they assume I'm a nerdy guy who plays video games and dresses up in sci-if costumes. Likewise, someone might dismiss you simply because you're 45, thinking that you're just like every other 45 year old they've seen. So how do you counter that? By telling them you're different. By I think that can backfire. Instead of convincing your reader that you really are different, they might just think you're not entirely comfortable with who you are.
Imagine this. "Hi, I'm 45." Followed by no qualifier that tries to distinguish you from other 45 year olds or sound like you're apologizing for your age. That's the kind of woman I'd be impressed by. One who owns her age and doesn't care what other people will think.
In my job I am supposed to card anyone who looks under 40 for alcohol. I have been greatly surprised at times because people I assumed were closer to 25-30 were actually closer to 40, or even older! I just tell them that the older I get the younger they look, to me. So, anyway, people often DO look a lot younger than they are and there's really no denying that. You just don't like the idea that they might be kinda proud of that and say so! lol
I'm 39...I look pretty darn close to my age and I'm perfectly fine with that.
When some nimrod asks for ID when I buy wine or a drink at the bar I just want to slap them and say "really???" lol
Some teeny-bopper cashier asked for my ID when I was buying wine once. I gave him my license and he said "I'm sorry, we don't accept fake ID here".
I guess he thought he'd be some kind of prince charming throwing a compliment at an "old lady" and he would make my day with his compliments. I just couldn't help be embarassed for him because it was just so lame. I didn't need his compliment to feel good about myself. I guess he thought all of us "old ladies" want some young dude to desire us. Ummmm. No. LOL
The one thing I get A LOT is "you have 4 kids??? You don't look old enough to have 4 kids". The follow-up question is usually "are they all yours?"
LOL...boy, does that bring back memories! I had my 3rd child two weeks before my 22nd b'day and, yep, I got asked that a LOT back then.
What that kid said WAS pretty lame, I agree. But he's young and just trying to be nice...I think. I got carded till I was nearly 40 and it made me mad back then. Then they stopped carding me and I thought "Wow! I must be getting old now!". lol All I can say is enjoy it while you can.
In movies and television, the rule is "show, don't tell." If you're your audience, then you're guilt of lazy writing. The same applies to dating. If you tell us you're funny, it suggests you're not. If you tell us you're athletic, it suggests you're not. And if you tell us you're younger than your age, we'll suspect that you're not. I think people, both on and offline, get so caught up in trying to sell themselves in a competitive marketplace that they feel like they have to tell people everything rather than let them figure it out on their own. That's fine if you're trying to market yourself professionally. You shouldn't be modest when it comes to your resume. But in the world of dating, sometimes you have to take a chance and hope will discover how great you are instead of just telling them.
Well...what exactly would you say to describe yourself? IF I were to ever be silly enough to put a profile on a dating site, I wouldn't be allowed to say I have a good sense of humor? If I worked out every day and was into some sport I couldn't say I'm "athletic"? I guess I could just say "I am ___ years old. I won't tell you anything about myself until I meet you. Deal with it!".
Why bother to read dating profiles if you're gonna "suspect" everything anyone says? I read them for laughs sometimes. I especially love it when I see someone I actually KNOW. Most of the time those are the biggest laughs. Well, I guess it wasn't so funny when I saw my cousin's husband had one! It is now though and even she laughs about it. It was just soooo corny! lol
I have recently been told I look 14. I'm 32, so that's a bit of a stretch. LOL I think it's because I'm short and have lost a bit of weight. I don't tell people I look younger because I look how I look and I am 32 so that's how it must look.
I have to say, though, so far my 30's have been the best time of my life. You couldn't pay me to go back to my 20's.
I have always said that if I were offered the chance to be one age for eternity it would be 35! My 30s were fantastic. I worked, went to college, learned to ski, ice skate and snow mobile. Raised my kids as a, mostly, single mom. I finally became truly independent. I did more, learned more and accomplished more, in my 30s than any other time in my life. The years since haven't been half bad, most of the time, and I'm happy to be where I'm at but, boy, those years were a blast!
I see nothing wrong with being who you are...some people act youngerand don't want to fit in to societies mold of how older people act. I also see nothing with taking care of yourself and doing every thing you can to look your best.
I only have a problem with the delusion that you can actually lie or deceive people about your age.
I guess that could describe me...
When I was young I had friends of all ages. I got along well with both younger and older. However, the older I get the less I can relate to people my own age. I don't have much in common with them, except age. I can't discuss my latest illness/surgery. I can't discuss how many meds I take how many times a day. I refuse to drag out all those pics of grkids and great grkids. I don't want to hash over the 'the past'. Especially the negative. People my own age, for the most part, don't have the energy I do and won't/don't/can't keep up with me. And most of them are not that friendly anyway.
I have always said that if I were offered the chance to be one age for eternity it would be 35! My 30s were fantastic. I worked, went to college, learned to ski, ice skate and snow mobile. Raised my kids as a, mostly, single mom. I finally became truly independent. I did more, learned more and accomplished more, in my 30s than any other time in my life. The years since haven't been half bad, most of the time, and I'm happy to be where I'm at but, boy, those years were a blast!
I would like to stay in my 20's, at least biologically speaking. That is actually my goal in the next 10 years before I chronologically turn 50.
I would like to stay in my 20's, at least biologically speaking. That is actually my goal in the next 10 years before I chronologically turn 50.
Good luck with that! Seriously!
My 20s were all work! lol A young married with a husband, four kids and home to take care of. I, no way, would want to revisit that. BUT, I hear what you are saying. We are generally pretty healthy in our 20s, have a lot of energy and enjoy 'going and doing'. Everything is 'new', pretty much, and life is to be experienced! So if you can stay biologically 'young' for a lot of years go for it! Personally it sounds like a lotta work to me. I'm allergic to work.
Oddly enough, when I was younger (mid-30's up to 40-ish) is when I'd add that "qualifier". Now at 51 I am proud of my age and don't care as much if some guys think I'm too old. I do look younger IMO, but would never say that in a profile now. I'm happy in the knowledge I'm among the cream of the crop in my age bracket, lol. Ironically, I could NOT say that about myself in my teens or 20's!
People are constantly angling for advantages in the dating world. Self-described "looking younger" is just another scheme for advancing one's candidacy, attempting to exude vigor, confidence and optimistic effervescence. Because it's subjective, it can't be impugned for being an outright lie, such as adding inches to one's height, or subtracting years from one's actual age.
The connotation of "looking younger" goes beyond health an appearance. It implies an attitude of not being tied down, of being refreshingly unconventional. The irony is that everyone aims to be unconventional, everyone aims to trumpet their individualism and uniqueness. So we end up with a crowd of unique people, all autonomous individuals stampeding in exactly the same direction.
I've been told I look a little younger than my age, but I haven't ever noted that in a profile.
The other day, my doctor (a woman) thought I was 34, I had to correct her & say I was 40.
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lol All I can say is enjoy it while you can.
