what to do when your date is fatter/uglier/older than expected? (social, feelings)
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Lots of people have no understanding of New Yorkers. Including New Yorkers like yourself. It's okay.
Two wrongs don't make a right? Since when is telling someone directly that you do not appreciate their lying behavior wrong? Okay. So he looked her up and down, told her it wouldn't work out, and then turned on his heel and left. He could have been far worse: he could have screamed, stomped his foot, told her she was ugly, called her a liar, and spit on her. But he didn't. He was blunt but he didn't demean her in front of others. Surprising how a New Yorker doesn't appreciate blunt behavior.
It's funny - because in a different thread - you told me that I had no understanding of what it was like in a big city because you didn't recognize the city that I live in and didn't realize that I had lived in New York. Now you are trying to tell me that I don't know what New Yorkers are like - even though I am one... I'm not sure why this is even important. Simply put - I'm a nice person. I'm nice to people. I don't go out of my way to offend people or make them feel bad. The world is made up of all different kinds of people. I'm with someone I respect. That's all that's important to me. If other people want to be rude a-holes, I simply will leave them alone.
It's funny - because in a different thread - you told me that I had no understanding of what it was like in a big city because you didn't recognize the city that I live in and didn't realize that I had lived in New York. Now you are trying to tell me that I don't know what New Yorkers are like - even though I am one... I'm not sure why this is even important. Simply put - I'm a nice person. I'm nice to people. I don't go out of my way to offend people or make them feel bad. The world is made up of all different kinds of people. I'm with someone I respect. That's all that's important to me. If other people want to be rude a-holes, I simply will leave them alone.
In what thread did I say this? Please post the link.
Edit: I remember the thread now. In any case, the things I said about New Yorkers are things many New Yorkers have said themselves. So that means they don't know about New Yawk either.
In what thread did I say this? Please post the link.
Edit: I remember the thread now. In any case, the things I said about New Yorkers are things many New Yorkers have said themselves. So that means they don't know about New Yawk either.
I still don't understand what this has to do with anything... Yes - there are rude New Yorkers. There are also really nice New Yorkers. There are people that will ask someone if they need help just because they look lost. There are people that will tell you that you have a nice smile as you walk by. There are people that will rush to your aid when you are in need. But like I said - I don't understand what this has to do with anything - except it seems like you are attempting to invalidate my opinion because of it. I would never go out of my way to be rude to someone like the OP did. If tourists are in my way, blocking my path - will I yell, "Excuse me!" and then give them a nudge to move them aside? Yes. Would I go out of my way to make someone feel awful about themselves on a first date? No.
I still don't understand what this has to do with anything... Yes - there are rude New Yorkers. There are also really nice New Yorkers. There are people that will ask someone if they need help just because they look lost. There are people that will tell you that you have a nice smile as you walk by. There are people that will rush to your aid when you are in need. But like I said - I don't understand what this has to do with anything - except it seems like you are attempting to invalidate my opinion because of it. I would never go out of my way to be rude to someone like the OP did. If tourists are in my way, blocking my path - will I yell, "Excuse me!" and then give them a nudge to move them aside? Yes. Would I go out of my way to make someone feel awful about themselves on a first date? No.
The OP did not go out of his way to make her feel awful. She went out of her way to make him feel awful. You don't think being lied to makes other people feel awful?
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Originally Posted by TabulaRasa
Yes, yes, I'm sure that's what it is...
What would you do in the OP's situation? These fools are advocating chatting with her and having drinks with her. Is that what the OP should have done? Walked up to her and said, "Wow, judging by the fact that you look drastically different than your pic, it's obvious you lied to me. But it's my fault for trusting you. Instead of telling you I don't appreciate your behavior, I'm going to chit-chat with you for 10 minutes because I'm a kind-hearted doofus who always treats people nicely whenever they lie to me. A-hyuck!"
I still don't understand what this has to do with anything... Yes - there are rude New Yorkers. There are also really nice New Yorkers. There are people that will ask someone if they need help just because they look lost. There are people that will tell you that you have a nice smile as you walk by. There are people that will rush to your aid when you are in need. But like I said - I don't understand what this has to do with anything - except it seems like you are attempting to invalidate my opinion because of it. I would never go out of my way to be rude to someone like the OP did. If tourists are in my way, blocking my path - will I yell, "Excuse me!" and then give them a nudge to move them aside? Yes. Would I go out of my way to make someone feel awful about themselves on a first date? No.
While I live in Boston and not New York...I am there at least once a month visiting friends. People in NY or Boston for that matter are no nicer or meaner than the people I grew up with in California. There are just MORE of them so there's a higher likelihood of running into rude people. You don't notice the ones who smiled or said hi or moved out of your way while walking down the street but you sure as hell notice the person who shoved you or said something nasty.
I've been all over the US and the rudest place I experienced? Bakersfield, CA. Full of a-holes and jerks. Honestly, I think people in Bakersfield are far meaner than the people in NY or Boston.
My feeling is this - when people lie online about their appearance or their age - it's not malicious. Or I should say that it's usually not malicious. And I would apply this to women AND men. If a person lies about their weight, age, height, hair, etc. - chances are they are insecure and feel like they have to do this in order to get people to give them a chance. I'm not condoning it nor am I saying it's alright to do. I'm simply pointing out that it's not malicious. When someone looks at you and walks rudely away - that IS malicious. The person who lies on their profile isn't trying to hurt anyone - the person who is rude to your face is.
This mostly applies to online dating though it can apply to blind dates. What do you do when your online date is much fatter or uglier than their picture? I had a situation like this recently. Went to a bar and couldn't find my date. I called her and she told me was at the bar. I finally make out which girl is her. Problem is that she was fatter than her pic. Like 20-30 lbs heavier. She didn't really look like her pic anymore. Clearly taken like 2 years ago. I gave her one glance up and down and told her this won't work out, then left the bar. She did text me later, but I was done with her. Whats the protocol in these situations.
I'm very disappointed. You handled that terribly.
Instead of wasting more of your valuable time talking to her, you just have left immediately.
I suppose you could argue that you already wasted a lot of your valuable time, so what's the big deal about wasting a few more seconds, right?
I can see that line of thinking.....all is forgiven.
What did you learn?
Hopefully you learned to flesh out things like that (no pun intended) before wasting so much of your valuable time. Try a "web-cam date" first, or something like that.
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Originally Posted by brainwashed_in_church
That was nasty.
I know it was, she wasted a lot of his time by lying to him.
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Originally Posted by brainwashed_in_church
Always meet up. You never know what they're really like.
Well, in that instance, he did know what she's really like --- she's a liar.....and probably a full-blown nutter as well.
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Originally Posted by brainwashed_in_church
I've met some chicks that on first glance were plain....
Plain? We ain't talking cheese pizza here, we're talking extra toppings....triple toppings...over-loaded toppings....an Omar the Tent-maker Topping Pizza.
Plain is no problem, it's the fact that she lied.
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Originally Posted by Prince_Frog
Decency is a thing of the past.
Right....the decent person is the would have been up-front and honest in the first place.
I'm surprised the poor guy didn't vomit and keel over dead from the stink of desperation coming from her.
You're the one who brought up gender when you criticized the OP's lack of "gentlemanly behavior". I didn't bring up gender, originally. You did. Maybe you should know how to word your argument properly before getting into an adult discussion.
I didn't use the term gentlemanly behavior until you did. Go back and search my posts. We can find a gender-neutral term if you like. How about civil behavior? Or mature behavior? Whatever you want to call it, the bottom line is that there's a proper way to conduct yourself in situations such as the one described by the
OP. And yes, you're the one making this about gender by claiming there's a double standard at work.
And lecturing me about having an adult discussion? LOL. That's rich, coming from a guy who's defending another guy who acted like an immature high schooler instead of a mature adult.
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Originally Posted by TheBigGuy
Doing what the OP did will not discourage lying again? So chatting with them politely for 10 minutes will?
Your argument is utterly preposterous. Being nice to someone for lying to you will not discourage their behavior in the slightest. But letting them know straight out what they did was wrong has a much better chance of discouraging bad behavior. This is common sense. Do you understand common sense?
No, I'll tell you what's utterly preposterous. The idea that you can discourage someone from lying. Do you think the OP was the first person this woman lied to? I doubt it. So if she's lied before, then obviously nothing discouraged her from lying this time. And despite how the OP treated her, she'll probably lie again. So for you or the OP to think that you'll magically be the one to get her to change her ways is the height of arrogance. People who lie rarely see anything wrong with their behavior. They've probably come up with all kinds of rationalizations for why it's OK to lie. This is common sense. Do you understand common sense?
The problem in this instance, is the fact that even thought she may have lied about her appearance, which is a lie-I will not deny that, but why would you stoop to a level far lower than she was, and treated her like a piece of freaking meat?
Why is it so hard for people to take a moment and think about what kind of situation they are about to be in and actually rise to be the better person? There were quite a few different ways he could have handled that situation that wouldn't have made him look like a douche, but instead he chose to be immature.
And yes, before anyone says anything, I'd say the same thing any woman who did the same thing in this situation.
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