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You could stay for 30 minutes to see if you like her as a person. If you don't have anything in common, then tell her it won't work out. But to just look at her and ditch her because of a measly 20 lbs makes you a creep.
he's already not attracted to her and knows she's deceptive
people to try and deceive others into meeting them are the creeps
Who said there isn't? I find what she did offensive as well. But what he did was worse because it was meant to be hurtful. You can reject someone without having to bloody their nose.
oh please
she blatantly deceived some guy who did nothing wrong to her
he walked out on some lying piece of trash who just wasted his time without giving her the time of day
Even when someone posts recent and accurate pics, there's a still a chance they'll be perceived differently in person. Online dating profiles are kinda like resumes in that we try to frame ourselves in the best light possible. If you're overweight, you might post a pic that has you in a more flattering outfit. If you're short, you might use a pic where you're standing next to people who are the same height. If you're worried that you look old, you'll avoid using pics that draw attention to your wrinkles. I'm in my late 30s and have a pretty noticeable amount of grey hair on my head. My hair is also thinning on top. But when I go through even recent pictures of myself, I can barely see the grey and my hair looks a lot thicker than it does in the mirror. So someone might meet me in person and think I lied. But again. It's not that I posted inaccurate pics. One, I picked the ones that made me look my best. And two, the camera only reveals so much.
no reasonable person would think they were lied to if your hair was a little thinner since it's not like it's standard for people to post pics that zoom in on their hair.
if you were completely bald and posted pics from when you had a full head of hair that would be a lot different.
or if you used to have long hair and now you cut it short posting the long haired pics wouldn't be right either.
Really? Why do you think she lied about her looks? Why do some other women lie about their age? Why do some men lie about their height? Simple. They're afraid of rejection. Does that excuse them? Of course not. But there's a big difference between lying to someone because you're afraid they'll reject you and lying to someone about the safety of the car they're buying. In the case of the latter, there's malicious intent. If you sell me an unsafe car but claim it's safe, you obviously don't care if I end up in an accident. All you care about is your money. Now compare that to what this woman did to the OP. Did she lie? Yes. Did she have a valid reason? No. Did that lie end up hurting him? No. Ultimately, all it cost him was time. Here's a newsflash. Dating involves a LOT of wasted time, even when everyone is 100% honest. If you're going to act like a jerk every time you realize you wasted your time on someone who, for whatever reason, wasn't right for you, then perhaps dating just isn't for you.
As for what conclusion this woman comes away with, you're correct. She may still dismiss him as a shallow jerk no matter how nicely he rejected her. But that's what the OP doesn't want to recognize. He and people like him are intent on teaching some kind of lesson to people who wrong them. But why is it his job to teach her a lesson at all? That's what many of us are taking issue with. It isn't that the OP rejected this woman. It's the manner in which he did so. He was more concerned with punishing her for wasting his time than with simply putting the incident behind him.
i never said what she did was worse than selling someone a death trap of a car and acting like it's safe. obviously that's way worse.
you're correct in that dating involves a lot of wasted time. most people don't click with each other, that is a simple fact.intentionally wasting someone's time by misrepresenting something extremely important is totally different than people just not clicking.
I don't think people should like on their online profiles. I raked a woman over the coals on another thread because she wanted to lie about her age. However, posting an outdated or over flattering pic of yourself because you want people to go out with you isn't the same as being completely rude to someone. Gender has nothing to do with this.
I used to work at a place where people were completely rude to me all the time. You know what I did? I killed them with kindness. Why? Because then I never had to be ashamed of myself or feel like I had lowered myself to their level. I could sleep at night knowing that I had kept my integrity even when they had not kept theirs.
You're a New Yorker. New Yorkers are so notorious for being rude that other New Yorkers complain about the behavior. There is only one reason why you, a New Yorker, would be nice to a rude stranger: money. The OP isn't getting money so he doesn't have any reason to "kill them with kindness."
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Originally Posted by DennyCrane
Stop trying to make this into a gender issue. Yes, there are double standards in dating. But that's not the case here. If a guy lied about his weight and the woman he was meeting with reacted the same way the OP did, I would condemn her behavior just as much as I condemn the OP's. And I suspect a lot of women would condemn her as well. Yes, there are people who are quick to defend someone of their own gender. You seem to think the women are going easy on the woman who lied because she's a woman. But I could make the exact same argument about the men who are defending the OP.
You're the one who brought up gender when you criticized the OP's lack of "gentlemanly behavior". I didn't bring up gender, originally. You did. Maybe you should know how to word your argument properly before getting into an adult discussion.
Quote:
As for the last sentence in your post, if you really think being a jerk is going to discourage the liars, think again. Online dating can be a valuable tool, but one big issue I have with it is that it creates the illusion of having unlimited options. A woman (or man) can lie about their appearance, get busted when they arrive at first date, but then they'll go home, log on, and see plenty of other singles they can lie to. Doing what the OP did will not discourage that woman from lying again. In fact, it could embolden her. How? Because she'll go home and say to herself, "that guy was a jerk so at least I dodged a bullet. Now onto the next one."
Doing what the OP did will not discourage lying again? So chatting with them politely for 10 minutes will?
Your argument is utterly preposterous. Being nice to someone for lying to you will not discourage their behavior in the slightest. But letting them know straight out what they did was wrong has a much better chance of discouraging bad behavior. This is common sense. Do you understand common sense?
You're a New Yorker. New Yorkers are so notorious for being rude that other New Yorkers complain about the behavior. There is only one reason why you, a New Yorker, would be nice to a rude stranger: money. The OP isn't getting money so he doesn't have any reason to "kill them with kindness."
You really have no understanding of New Yorkers. But that's okay.
Like I said before, I just wasn't raised to be that rude or crass to people. I wouldn't be able to sleep at night if I behaved that way.
You really have no understanding of New Yorkers. But that's okay.
Like I said before, I just wasn't raised to be that rude or crass to people. I wouldn't be able to sleep at night if I behaved that way.
I have no understanding of New Yorkers? So I guess New Yorkers smile and say hello to strangers on the street; they are patient; they don't think the rest of the United States is envious of their city; they are always helpful to strangers in need; they have the best customer service in the country; and the people who take the subway are courteous and respectful?
I wasn't raised to be nice to liars. People like me and the OP are unable to sleep at night for rewarding bad behavior.
I have no understanding of New Yorkers? So I guess New Yorkers smile and say hello to strangers on the street; they are patient; they don't think the rest of the United States is envious of their city; they are always helpful to strangers in need; they have the best customer service in the country; and the people who take the subway are courteous and respectful?
I wasn't raised to be nice to liars. People like me and the OP are unable to sleep at night for rewarding bad behavior.
You are correct in that you have no understanding of New Yorkers. It's okay - a lot of people have no understanding of New Yorkers. I'll just say that for every rude person I've encountered - I've encountered another person that restored my faith in humanity. And I don't mean just opening a door for me - I mean people that have bent over backwards to make me happy.
I was raised to be polite to everyone. It's not about rewarding bad behavior - it's about being the kind of person that makes the world a better place. Two wrongs don't make a right.
I went out with guys whose profile pics showed them with more hair, and who were assuredly shorter than listed (I'm 5'10", taller than average for a woman, so it's pretty noticeable if a guy has exaggerated his height). I also went out with a guy who did not mention that he had a significant limp due to CP...had I known, I'd not have suggested a date that involved hiking. I felt like an ass.
One thing I never did was bellow, "You effing liar," and stalk out.
You are correct in that you have no understanding of New Yorkers. It's okay - a lot of people have no understanding of New Yorkers. I'll just say that for every rude person I've encountered - I've encountered another person that restored my faith in humanity. And I don't mean just opening a door for me - I mean people that have bent over backwards to make me happy.
I was raised to be polite to everyone. It's not about rewarding bad behavior - it's about being the kind of person that makes the world a better place. Two wrongs don't make a right.
Lots of people have no understanding of New Yorkers. Including New Yorkers like yourself. It's okay.
Two wrongs don't make a right? Since when is telling someone directly that you do not appreciate their lying behavior wrong? Okay. So he looked her up and down, told her it wouldn't work out, and then turned on his heel and left. He could have been far worse: he could have screamed, stomped his foot, told her she was ugly, called her a liar, and spit on her. But he didn't. He was blunt but he didn't demean her in front of others. Surprising how a New Yorker doesn't appreciate blunt behavior.
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