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Instead of the OP's behavior, what would y'all think of this:
You arrive at the date. Indeed, as the OPP wrote, the person you're greeted by bears little resemblance to the photo in the ad but the person is definitely older and heavier than advertised. If I were caught in the right mood, I might be inclined to ask:
"Hi. Ya know, you're not really the person in your photo any more. Did you not have anything more recent, or were you deliberately putting out false advertising? Deceiving me isn't a good way for us to begin so how about you explain yourself, or I'll excuse myself and say 'Have a nice day..."?
That way you put the onus on them to justify their actions and if they work their mouth like a fish out of water, you have your answer and an abrupt exit from the date is justified.
Both parties bear a measure of blame in the current scenario, but I am ok with making a deceptive person uncomfortable. I'm NOT ok with the up and down, goodbye without a word scenario. Be polite but look them right in the eye and politely let them know they're busted and before we proceed, the deceiver will explain themselves or indeed, be left at the meeting place with a stunned expression on their face.
The purpose of "the whole online thing" is to have the opportunity to meet people you might not normally ever encounter in you're everyday life. And yes, it does make it easier to filter out people, for example by age or religion. But lying is still a reality of dating. I'm old enough to remember what dating was like before the Internet and there was still plenty of lying. Does the internet make it easier to lie? In some ways, yes. But in other ways, just the opposite. Most people lie to some extent on their resumes and after enough bad interviews, they figure out what lies they can get away with. But unlike the OP, I've never had an employer insult and belittle me after discovering that I wasn't what they thought they were getting.
This thread is a prime example of the principle that in online dating, women are worried about meeting a murderer and men are worried about meeting a fat woman.
This thread is a prime example of why I never have and never will do online dating. I prefer to meet women in real life, that way I know for sure what she looks like, and she knows what I look like. So if I walk out on her it won't be because how she looks, but because she has a bad/bitchy attitude.
I'm just wondering what the actual difference was, since men are notoriously bad at estimating a woman's weight. He says 30, but it could be 10, and the woman in question may not have been deliberately deceptive. She may very well think that the picture on her profile is a great picture of her and doesn't look all that different. And this is probably naive of me, but online dating involves some contact prior to meeting, so if the she and OP hit it off over emails and texts and phone calls, she may have been hoping that they'd made a connection and he'd at least give her a chance. That's what dating is, after all.
You could stay for 30 minutes to see if you like her as a person. If you don't have anything in common, then tell her it won't work out. But to just look at her and ditch her because of a measly 20 lbs makes you a creep.
First of all, we don't know how accurate the OP's claims are. He can say she was 30 pounds overweight, but people have a tendency to exaggerate when describing bad dating experiences.
Second, even if you discover that the other person lied to you about what they look like, why do you need to point it out to them? They should be able to just read the look of shock or disappointment on your face. You know they lied. They know you know they lied. So why make an already awkward situation even worse by becoming confrontational? Are you looking to extract some big apology from them? Are you hoping to make them squirm as they try to explain why they mislead you? In situations like these, what's called for is discretion. Just because a certain thought enters your mind doesn't mean you have to say it out loud. And just because someone mislead you doesn't mean you have to get even.
Third, this is NOT an example of why online dating is bad. Like any tool, it comes down to how you use it. You think people online are the only ones who lie? Maybe about looks, but there's plenty of other things people lie about "in the real world." Just talk to any woman who's met a man in a bar, a coffee shop, etc. only to discover later that the guy slipped his wedding band off right before she saw him.
Instead of the OP's behavior, what would y'all think of this:
You arrive at the date. Indeed, as the OPP wrote, the person you're greeted by bears little resemblance to the photo in the ad but the person is definitely older and heavier than advertised. If I were caught in the right mood, I might be inclined to ask:
"Hi. Ya know, you're not really the person in your photo any more. Did you not have anything more recent, or were you deliberately putting out false advertising? Deceiving me isn't a good way for us to begin so how about you explain yourself, or I'll excuse myself and say 'Have a nice day..."?
That way you put the onus on them to justify their actions and if they work their mouth like a fish out of water, you have your answer and an abrupt exit from the date is justified.
Both parties bear a measure of blame in the current scenario, but I am ok with making a deceptive person uncomfortable. I'm NOT ok with the up and down, goodbye without a word scenario. Be polite but look them right in the eye and politely let them know they're busted and before we proceed, the deceiver will explain themselves or indeed, be left at the meeting place with a stunned expression on their face.
What do you folks think of that?
I think that's rude, too.
The best thing you can say is, "You look nothing like your pictures. I almost didn't recognize you!"
real shocker the women on here think men should stick around for a liar and buy her a couple of drinks after she already wasted enough of his time.
the hypothetical example of "well what if she lost a ton of weight but didn't want a shallow guy" is a funny one. there's maybe 1 of those for every 1000 women who intentionally post pics of other people/many year or pounds ago.
maybe after a few guys do what the op did this woman will stop lying and wasting guy's time with her nonsense.
and before someone asks if i lied to someone about my height weight etc and they walked out when they saw me they would be perfectly justified.
i'm also tall and never lie about my height, but I have had women tell me they were shocked i was telling the truth about it since so many guys lie which is complete garbage on the man's part.
now if i meet someone and there is just no spark or whatever i will be very polite to her.it's one thing not to click, it's another to be lied to.
Yep. I wouldn't walk out of a date where there was zero spark. I have had those dates too and they have ranged from arranging another date to see where it headed, to both agreeing there was nothing there. However in these cases no one lied.
I am inclined to believe those who think he was wrong to walk out lie on their profiles about their weight. Either that or they never encountered dealing with liars. I have and I hate it.
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