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Or, instead of jumping to conclusions after taking some data from an OKCupid survey, you do a little digging and read a real Journal article from the Association for Psychological Science that indicates that people date differently online and have a different (dare I say more picky) mindset. http://www.psychologicalscience.org/...ting-proof.pdf. So no, online is not a good indication of how people date offline.
I'll bet that article is a good read but it's too deep for me while I'm supposed to be working. lol
I've never done online dating, but my impression is when you have a whole "catalog" of faces and profiles to pick from, it's too easy to scan quickly and move onto the next, because there's always a next.
In real life you don't have the same quantity and opportunities. If you were chatting with a guy in the grocery store lineup, and he asked you to coffee, would you say no because you like the look of the guy in the next checkout aisle who isn't giving you the time of day? Not likely. You would consider what is right in front of you -appearance, posture, dress, demeanor, attitude, approach, connection, all combined and all the tangible things you don't have when online.
Let me ask you a question Camlon: Are you the type of person to look up in the sky when he sees an unidentified object and think "Aliens!"? Because there simply is no evidence it can't be something mundane like birds, the International Space Station, a plane, etc.? Because those are unprovable assumptions, therefore, they are all equally likely until someone proves it actually is? If you are, then that would explain a lot.
No, but there is a difference between assumptions 99% of the population believes in, and assumptions which are not self-evident. You don't need to prove that the sky is blue, but you do need to provide evidence that the earth is round. Your assumption is not self-evident, I and many others don't think it is true, and it is critical for your argument. Hence I asked you to provide evidence, which you were unable to provide.
And I did a good call, because jillabean proved you wrong.
I've never done online dating, but my impression is when you have a whole "catalog" of faces and profiles to pick from, it's too easy to scan quickly and move onto the next, because there's always a next.
It's also easy to pick one of them to, you know, GO ON A DATE WITH. That's how most people use dating sites.
To me, what this thread proves more than anything, including 'how attractive a man or woman has to be to be a successful dater', is more about how people typically only see the world through their perspective.
There are two people I can think of on this forum that have extreme life experience, yet they will argue till the end of the earth that their experience is typical.
Is it because they surround them self with like minded people ?
Is it because they are so stubborn they can't recognize that other issues influence their life experience ? Some of which they have no control over, such as their genetics.
But then, some people make claims over and over that amaze me. I ask myself, who are these people that this CD poster keeps meeting. Then I basically conclude it is one of two possibilities: 1. They meet the same type of people and associate with them because they are subconsciencely comfortable with these associations 2. The are projecting/and or generalizing EVERYTHING.
At the end of the day, people do not want to hear what they don't want to hear. If that makes sense.
If you tell an attractive person who doesn't struggle dating that "my failures in dating are because I am unattractive to the opposite sex," said attractive person will retort.
"No, if you improve yourself, you will become more attractive."
And yet, countless people improve themself, and yet they still struggle.
The truth is, many people are successful dating because they found the right combination of features that make them desirable to who they want to date.
And people who struggle to date have typically not found that combination of what makes them desirable.
I think the real conflict comes from the argument that attractive looking people have it easier no matter what. And if you aren't attractive by society standards, you better be fit, rich, etc etc to attract someone.
I have made many opinions on this exact topic over my time here. The one thing I notice is that typically you see the people who claim to he successful dating eventually get frustrated with the 'whiners' and say something like, "you are just mad cause you can't...."
My IRL IME has shown me that no matter how broke, how mean, how much anxiety, how much crazy, how much issues one has, if you are societies image of attractive, it is extremely easier to date than those who are not the image of societies attractive.
The other thing I really get a kick out of on this forum is how many people claim, "OLD is for weirdos and the not normal," and also the claim that this forum "is full of whiners and weirdos and not the normal representation of society."
But, isn't anyone who makes such comments ALSO A MEMBER OF THIS FORUM? And since you are, do you truly believe YOU ARE THE ONLY SANE MEMBER ON THIS FORUM ? While everyone else on here is a creeper or loser or weirdo?
For me, probably the biggest thing this forum has taught me is that: people only believe what they want to believe.
And because of this mindset, and how it negatively affects relationships. This close mindedness makes if difficult to reach various people, simply due to the fact that such, "I am right, you are wrong," mentality exists almost everywhere.
To me, what this thread proves more than anything, including 'how attractive a man or woman has to be to be a successful dater', is more about how people typically only see the world through their perspective.
There are two people I can think of on this forum that have extreme life experience, yet they will argue till the end of the earth that their experience is typical.
Is it because they surround them self with like minded people ?
Is it because they are so stubborn they can't recognize that other issues influence their life experience ? Some of which they have no control over, such as their genetics.
But then, some people make claims over and over that amaze me. I ask myself, who are these people that this CD poster keeps meeting. Then I basically conclude it is one of two possibilities: 1. They meet the same type of people and associate with them because they are subconsciencely comfortable with these associations 2. The are projecting/and or generalizing EVERYTHING.
At the end of the day, people do not want to hear what they don't want to hear. If that makes sense.
If you tell an attractive person who doesn't struggle dating that "my failures in dating are because I am unattractive to the opposite sex," said attractive person will retort.
"No, if you improve yourself, you will become more attractive."
And yet, countless people improve themself, and yet they still struggle.
The truth is, many people are successful dating because they found the right combination of features that make them desirable to who they want to date.
And people who struggle to date have typically not found that combination of what makes them desirable.
I think the real conflict comes from the argument that attractive looking people have it easier no matter what. And if you aren't attractive by society standards, you better be fit, rich, etc etc to attract someone.
I have made many opinions on this exact topic over my time here. The one thing I notice is that typically you see the people who claim to he successful dating eventually get frustrated with the 'whiners' and say something like, "you are just mad cause you can't...."
My IRL IME has shown me that no matter how broke, how mean, how much anxiety, how much crazy, how much issues one has, if you are societies image of attractive, it is extremely easier to date than those who are not the image of societies attractive.
The other thing I really get a kick out of on this forum is how many people claim, "OLD is for weirdos and the not normal," and also the claim that this forum "is full of whiners and weirdos and not the normal representation of society."
But, isn't anyone who makes such comments ALSO A MEMBER OF THIS FORUM? And since you are, do you truly believe YOU ARE THE ONLY SANE MEMBER ON THIS FORUM ? While everyone else on here is a creeper or loser or weirdo?
For me, probably the biggest thing this forum has taught me is that: people only believe what they want to believe.
And because of this mindset, and how it negatively affects relationships. This close mindedness makes if difficult to reach various people, simply due to the fact that such, "I am right, you are wrong," mentality exists almost everywhere.
While I agree with you about how there are many people who improve themselves and yet still struggle. I am one of those. But I will never allow bitterness and anger to rule over me. Will I find a woman or will I be alone for the rest of my life? The answers to those questions are unknown but I will not ever succumb to a life of bitterness and anger
Using probabilities and statistics to describe behaviors that aren't very random often leads to some serious misinterpretation of data.
Another interpretation of this data is that only a small part of what makes someone attractive can be conveyed through a photograph. I'd like to think that there are some women who would look at a picture of me and be unimpressed, yet still be completely into me if we were able to interact verbally.
Still another interpretation of this data is that very few people meet the universal criteria as being attractive to everyone, but we each have our personal "style" that is attractive to a small subset of the population and this is the origin of the huge diversity in physical characteristics observed in our species.
Both interpretations are consistent with the data and more useful than "women are too picky".
To me, what this thread proves more than anything, including 'how attractive a man or woman has to be to be a successful dater', is more about how people typically only see the world through their perspective.
There are two people I can think of on this forum that have extreme life experience, yet they will argue till the end of the earth that their experience is typical.
Is it because they surround them self with like minded people ?
Is it because they are so stubborn they can't recognize that other issues influence their life experience ? Some of which they have no control over, such as their genetics.
But then, some people make claims over and over that amaze me. I ask myself, who are these people that this CD poster keeps meeting. Then I basically conclude it is one of two possibilities: 1. They meet the same type of people and associate with them because they are subconsciencely comfortable with these associations 2. The are projecting/and or generalizing EVERYTHING.
At the end of the day, people do not want to hear what they don't want to hear. If that makes sense.
If you tell an attractive person who doesn't struggle dating that "my failures in dating are because I am unattractive to the opposite sex," said attractive person will retort.
"No, if you improve yourself, you will become more attractive."
And yet, countless people improve themself, and yet they still struggle.
The truth is, many people are successful dating because they found the right combination of features that make them desirable to who they want to date.
And people who struggle to date have typically not found that combination of what makes them desirable.
I think the real conflict comes from the argument that attractive looking people have it easier no matter what. And if you aren't attractive by society standards, you better be fit, rich, etc etc to attract someone.
I have made many opinions on this exact topic over my time here. The one thing I notice is that typically you see the people who claim to he successful dating eventually get frustrated with the 'whiners' and say something like, "you are just mad cause you can't...."
My IRL IME has shown me that no matter how broke, how mean, how much anxiety, how much crazy, how much issues one has, if you are societies image of attractive, it is extremely easier to date than those who are not the image of societies attractive.
The other thing I really get a kick out of on this forum is how many people claim, "OLD is for weirdos and the not normal," and also the claim that this forum "is full of whiners and weirdos and not the normal representation of society."
But, isn't anyone who makes such comments ALSO A MEMBER OF THIS FORUM? And since you are, do you truly believe YOU ARE THE ONLY SANE MEMBER ON THIS FORUM ? While everyone else on here is a creeper or loser or weirdo?
For me, probably the biggest thing this forum has taught me is that: people only believe what they want to believe.
And because of this mindset, and how it negatively affects relationships. This close mindedness makes if difficult to reach various people, simply due to the fact that such, "I am right, you are wrong," mentality exists almost everywhere.
I agree with you completely.
While I have been one to express struggle with dating, it has more to do with my situation (my having children, coming out of a divorce) than the struggles others experience. I realize I had it easy compared to many in the dating scene. At times it may have seemed like a struggle to meet someone I am compatible with in many respects (including being at similar stages in life), it would have been much more of a struggle if it weren't for being blessed with good-looks.
I'm not naive. I do know my looks put me at a great advantage. My profile, while pretty f*cking awesome, would not have caught the level of attention from prospective suitors had it not been for my looks. My looks coupled with my intellect is what drew many in. My most recent serious ex, also a member of OKC and POF (we met on OKC), made a comment about my looks when I brought up a message I received from a gentleman that was enamored with my profile. He said something to the effect of: "Remove your photos and see what comments you'd receive then."
He's right, to a large extent. While the written portion of my profile did garner a lot of attention, if it weren't for the photos the interest would have been less until photos were provided. Success in terms of catching one's attention or interest does depend on appearance, but there needs to be more in order to keep one interested, at least for those with more serious objectives.
Those who are attractive experience much less in the way of struggling. My being selective may have limited my options in terms of who/what I am drawn to, but I still had plenty options.
Well, that at least partly explains your lack of success with women. Trust me, 80% of us are not physics nerds who can't get laid. You're part of a very slim minority. Nice try, though, Captain False Generalization.
Pretty sure me being a physics "nerd" has nothing to do with it, and it is mostly my exceptionally hideous looks more than anything else. For example, I had an acquaintance back in graduate school who was exceptionally good looking and would say this guy is probably in the top 1% of men when it comes to looks. Clearly he didn't have exceptional or even good social skills, and yet I'd see him with a different girl every time I met up to do work with him. It's all looks, and characteristics such as "confidence" and "social skills" are, for the most part, a byproduct of being good looking.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nearnorth
The sooner you stop blaming women and start learning some interpersonal skills, the happier you'll be. I promise. Nobody with a happy sex life is on internet forums spouting off about 80/20 B.S. Stop arguing and start changing.
Nice, this perhaps the 5th post claiming I'm blaming women. Please show me where exactly in my post am I blaming women? No one should be at fault for being attracted to what they find attractive, as it's more innate than anything else. I don't fault women for not finding the majority of men unattractive because that's built into them naturally after millions of years of evolution, however, the cold hard truth is the fact I have never and will never have any woman romantically interested in me is due solely to my extreme lack of looks.
Northeast men are not so shallow compared to all the men South of the city of South Francisco to San Diego! Flip side I find women in the Northeast more shallow than women in the west coast. A very strange anomaly.
I find the biggest difference between meeting people on the east coast vs the west coast is that men on the east coast seem far more likely to invite me into their 'group' to hang out or chat even if I'm not attractive and they have no interest in me romantically. On the west coast, it seemed like guys would ONLY talk to women they wanted to have sex with and ignore or act irritated if women they weren't interested in were around and had the audacity to speak to them.
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