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I think there is more to life than just sex. In reality that's only sharing bodies for a short limited time (the same as wanting to eat a delicious steak in that moment) but the real investment is the passion and time spend with the person, every time we went out and spoke to them, if they actually have similar views towards other aspects, etc.
Because his response might be outside of some norm or he came to some conclusion that others don't find satisfactory there is no reason to try to help or "fix" when that person doesn't want it.
You don't have to agree with it but unless someone states openly like the OP there is no reason to become so intrusive. He seems aware of his situation and found his own way to function.
In my opinion i don't cosign completely with what he said but he handled it his own, can function in society despite issues on the intimate relationship aspect. Its not the rosey triumphant view people prefer but sometimes how a persons adapts and lets leave out extremes is neither "right" or "wrong" it just works.
Its alright he reads but chooses to see only what he wants to see. Right or wrong. I never feared women and had several women friends. Oddly enough they chose me before I was even aware of them. They turned out to be a lot of fun.
It means they enjoy dating until they find the person they want to marry. For a few (a shrinking few, particularly in urban areas in the U.S. outside of the South), this happens in their 20's. For many it happens in their 30's. For an increasing number it happens at 40 and beyond. For some, it never happens. I don't think of it as either "searching" or avoiding, so much as something that happens when the right people find each other at the right stages of life. Chicago, where I live, is chock-full of college educated single (never-married) professionals who don't settle down until their 30's or 40's. There are hordes of us, which I love. I know NYC and LA are similar in that regard, as are many medium-sized cities, increasingly.
I agree completely with all of the above, except for your statement about poor social skills being "cop out language." Teaching social skills is a big part of treating Autism (among other diagnoses), and is in fact the language we use in the mental health field. Since you appear to want to get technical I would add that "Social phobia" is actually called Social Anxiety Disorder, and various forms of talk therapy are effective, not just CBT.
Also, there are people who have poor social skills and/or some symptoms of social anxiety without having a full-blown diagnosable mental disorder. I see it all the time.
My experience with people who have been diagnosed with Asperger's / HFA / autism spectrum disorders is that they need social skills to be explicitly, verbally, taught and explained to them. And then they learn them fine.
What they do not do is learn social stuff intuitively, unconsciously, by osmosis, which is the norm for humans. So if no-one has told them something, even something very basic, then they probably do not know it.
I am not a diagnostician, and it is quite possible that the people I have met are at the highest end of the autism spectrum. I really have no idea. They are generally people who have jobs, though not necessarily commensurate with their intelligence.
I think there is more to life than just sex. In reality that's only sharing bodies for a short limited time (the same as wanting to eat a delicious steak in that moment)
I am not so sure love making is only sharing bodies for a short limited time.
I love nudity, sex, and erotic scene and stories. I have tons of erotic drawings done by myself prove that. Sex is a beautiful thing, especially when you share it with somebody you care about.
You knew that having sex with a loved one is one of the best ways to get a good night’s sleep. But did you know that a good round of making out in bed can restore your energy levels on days when you are feeling low? Did you know that lovemaking is nature’s best medicine against depression?
And did you know that men enjoy sex because it reenergizes them physically, and women enjoy having sex because it reenergizes them emotionally? Did you know that all extremely intelligent or creative people have had… ahem… extremely active banging lives?
I'm interested in the ways that people re talking about counseling and mental health issue in this thread.
I come from a subculture where the assumption is that counseling is useful for all adults. There is no stigma, and suggesting that a therapist may be useful does not imply that someone is 'broken'.
I would like to encourage the guys in this thread to consider looking at it from that perspective. Counseling helps everyone. And you are not different; it would help you just like it helps everyone else. Why deny yourself the pleasure?
I get what you are saying but the crutch of that is the labeling effect. This always confused me because it makes it sound like having experience with romantic partners is required to acquire these traits but you can have those independently of romantic experience or not. I mean sure sexual experience would be a question but to say they lack these other traits is kind of disingenuous.
I didn't mean to say that having romantic relationships is required to be confident or whatever, but it is a chicken and egg thing. The guy who's inexperienced with relationships because he's timid and he hasn't put himself out there is probably not the kind of guy who spontaneously picks up the phone with plans for a date. He's probably not the guy who takes your hand as you walk down the street. He's not the guy who grabs you and kisses you for no reason. These are the kind of guys who are neurotic and who overthink things.
The sex part and the relationship part are two different things. Some guys have experience in one but not the other.
If a guy is my age, mid 40s, and has never had a long term relationship (like, 10 years or so), that is a huge red flag. He won't have needed interpersonal skills. And there is probably some reason no woman stayed with him, something he is hiding.
With lack of sexual experience, there is the danger that he will think porn is real. Or that all women like what his one ex liked.
But for a woman who does not have a lot of experience,a guy who also doesn't is perfect. Two people in their teens or early 20s for example.
This.
Yeah, lack of relationship and sexual experience/history is a deal-breaker for me.
The sex part and the relationship part are two different things. Some guys have experience in one but not the other.
If a guy is my age, mid 40s, and has never had a long term relationship (like, 10 years or so), that is a huge red flag. He won't have needed interpersonal skills. And there is probably some reason no woman stayed with him, something he is hiding.
With lack of sexual experience, there is the danger that he will think porn is real. Or that all women like what his one ex liked.
But for a woman who does not have a lot of experience,a guy who also doesn't is perfect. Two people in their teens or early 20s for example.
So, you require a dating resume.
You need someone who has been able to stay with a woman for 10 years?
And you were the one who was trying to make guys feel like women didn't demand so much?
I think people find it strange to be an adult and a virgin because sex is pleasureful and good for you. Also i believe that most people just can't relate to the idea so like anything we can't relate to we find it strange or out of step with the world.
Is it fair? perhaps not. But it is what it is.
Very true of human nature but at the same time that should not be a excuse for for people to be condenscending, to others.
This goes beyond sexual experience to how people conduct their relationships, politics, hobbies, and other minute stuff like tattoo's for example.
You are going to be weirdo to somebody.
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I know NYC and LA are similar in that regard, as are many medium-sized cities, increasingly.