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I am new to this forum, have been spying on conversations for a while but never have posted anything until now. Sorry upfront if this topic has been talked about before, I tried searching but couldn’t find anything.
I am a 33 year old single female, I own my house, works as an ICU nurse, I am currently going to school for my Bachelor’s and will eventually get my Masters in Nurse Practitioner. The reason I state these things is not to brag or anything just simply to state that I am in right mind and I did not take this lightly. One of my many flaws is that my “guy picker” is broken, I seem to go for the guys that are not good for me. Examples would be: One guy is currently in jail, one is having a third child with the girl he cheated on me with, one was physically/emotionally abusive etc.
I want a child and since my guy picker is broken I have been looking at artificial insemination. My question for the guys is have you ever done this? What is the benefit to you? I get the product of your donation but you only get a little bit of money and maybe 18 years of wondering what your child looks like, I am doing the open donation which means the child is able to contact the donor when they turn 18 but only if the child wants to. The place I am doing this actually has staff impressions comments and one donor did state that he and his wife was able to produce a beautiful child and they felt it was important to let others experience that bond. This makes since to me, but not all of them have had previous children so what is their reasoning?
Also would it be harder for men to date women who has done the artificial insemination compared to someone who had children from a previous relationship?
Please excuse me if I sound offensive, but seriously, are you sure this is what you want though?
Bringing a fatherless child to the world is a major decision. You are 33 years old, you still have enough time to find a decent guy, get married or not get married, having a child in a more traditional (for lack of better word) way.
Please excuse me if I sound offensive, but seriously, are you sure this is what you want though?
Bringing a fatherless child to the world is a major decision. You are 33 years old, you still have enough time to find a decent guy, get married or not get married, having a child in a more traditional (for lack of better word) way.
You are not even high risk yet, what is the rush?
I don't know how it got to be, but it seems like fatherhood has been kicked aside, not sure why, I think a child deserves both parents, the ying and yang of things seems to be the best way.
I would say the same about mothers.
I find that people operate and do what they want, and without regards for the child.
Yeah, sound advise would have me suggest that you seek a solution for the issue of finding a suitable guy. It must be hard trying to weed out the undesirables especially after emotions have been invested, however, raising a child by yourself is a Very difficult task. Not impossible, but difficult. So just keep that in mind if you do decide to proceed.
Personally I would keep seeking out the companionship of another if children is the eventual goal. Much is known about the effects on children growing up in single households and while I am not diminishing your ability to provide be aware that the results tend to not be so good...
Anyway I just hope you are aware and I wish you luck moving forward
@Cinderslipper: I worked on the Maternity floor so I have seen cute kids, and I also saw teenagers participating in increasing the world population, I know that they aren't always cute and that they can be seriously messed up. I'm older so most of my friends have teenagers or close to it so yes I have been around it and have seen the ups and downs. I have never heard one of my friends say that they regret having them.
@Several of you: I know that my picking wrong guys is my fault and yes like Jasper03 pointed out most nurses are enablers, I would rather not be in a relationship until I figured out what I want and need in a relationship, but I would never put my child's welfare in jeopardy so I would be content waiting on that front. Does anyone know 100% that you would make a good parent? I feel like I would, just because I have a crappy dating record does not mean I would be a bad parent.
Also it is required that you go see a therapist prior to the procedure to make sure that you are fit mentally. I would never go after anyone for child support and also it is part of the contract that you sign, and the donor signs all his rights away.
Very arrogant and presumptuous post considering the OP indicated that her decision to have children is well thought-out and she is financially able to support them. she is clearly soliciting advice on AI and not some empty, useless rant from the childless, barren and noisy dept.
The fact that your older, female friends regret having children does NOT mean others do or the OP will. Having a child (well my wife delivered the baby) is one of the best things to happen to me. I wouldnt trade the experience for anything in the world. The childless & loud crew should please give us a break! We get it you hate kids and dont want them...just remember that those of with children are just as happy, thankful and fortunate to have them in our lives. We actually enjoy our parental role (even with teenagers) as much as you enjoy your ...umm....childless status!!!!!!
I'm neither barren nor childless talking about Presumptuous thanks. Four pregnancies fwiw.
I note you're not the one who had to carry your spawn for 40 weeks nor the one who would get stuck with them if you had divorced.
If you're a man of any age you really can't be on you high horse about the cost of motherhood at all. Your boobs won't sag to your knees, your heart didn't break every time they cried or went to school or got bitten by a dog.
Us single mothers with absent and ungrateful children (fathered by absent and ungrateful men) are entitled to be a tad bitter about the Motherhood fairytale.
Also, no ones guaranteeing the kid won't be born with one arm no legs and she'll be entirely alone to change its nappies for the next 60 years.
Or she could hit on the semen of a psychotic serial killer - who cares! Its her right!
What about what the kid wants?
What about his/her rights? Do you think they want to send a card to a sperm bank every fathers day?
I'm quite entitled to share the opinion of myself and my friends tyvm. I sometimes think I should've had MORE kids, I might've got a nice one.
But you go ahead and tell me how I should feel, I'll pass it on when we need a good laugh.
I don't know how it got to be, but it seems like fatherhood has been kicked aside, not sure why, I think a child deserves both parents, the ying and yang of things seems to be the best way.
I would say the same about mothers.
I find that people operate and do what they want, and without regards for the child.
I find this offensive.
yeah, I do too..
One very wise poster suggested counseling because op might be co-dependent, I agree.
If op worries about her future man's feelings toward the baby, don't bring a fatherless baby to the world. A child is unlikely to fill the void in your heart, op. Please think it carefully before making that decision.
I know I have time left and at this point I am only considering it,strongly of course but I am looking at options. Being a single parent will be tough and especially working 14 hour days, most daycare don't stay open this long and the ones that do can cost considerably more. I do have an amazing support system but I know that I cannot rely on them 100% of the time.
@chowhound: I don't mean to offend anyone and if there is someone out there than great but I have not found them yet. I grew up in a two parent household and I am very close to my father so yes I know that a child needs both a male and female figure, and this has been a difficult journey for me and not a easy one so I'm sorry if I offended you in maybe making my life just a little brighter.
I know I have time left and at this point I am only considering it,strongly of course but I am looking at options. Being a single parent will be tough and especially working 14 hour days, most daycare don't stay open this long and the ones that do can cost considerably more. I do have an amazing support system but I know that I cannot rely on them 100% of the time. .
This is you thinking like a planner and not a parent.
It's not just the logistics of day care ... it's the fact that a baby needs a parent, hopefully two parents, who are available, who can love it and teach it and support it with their presence. I would not even recommend a pet for someone who works 14-hour days.
"Having a place to keep it" while you are at work is not the point.
I know I have time left and at this point I am only considering it,strongly of course but I am looking at options. Being a single parent will be tough and especially working 14 hour days, most daycare don't stay open this long and the ones that do can cost considerably more. I do have an amazing support system but I know that I cannot rely on them 100% of the time.
@chowhound: I don't mean to offend anyone and if there is someone out there than great but I have not found them yet. I grew up in a two parent household and I am very close to my father so yes I know that a child needs both a male and female figure, and this has been a difficult journey for me and not a easy one so I'm sorry if I offended you in maybe making my life just a little brighter.
I'm offended in the greater scheme, not with you personally. There is a difference.
lol I have considered adoption, it cost more financially and there are higher risks of the parents coming back and claiming the child.
Someone did make the statement that what I am doing is someone of a planner looking at daycare's and such, maybe they are right. Since I have never been a parent I do not know exactly what I'm getting into, so I will probably wait a little longer.
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