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I always initiate hand holding and kissing and hugging with no reciprocation. With kissing she gives me a little peck, not much else. I can understand the lack of sex. She had a double mastectomy and is going through reconstruction. The reconstruction is not comfortable and it affects her when we're having sex.
As far as her being supportive, I admit I have fallen short as a husband at times. At the end of the day, I have felt exhausted in dealing with her cancer and trying to keep our family happy/raise our kids. I'm sure while the cancer treatment/surgeries have taken a toll, my lack of presence at the end of the day when the kids are in bed and it's just the two of us haven't helped. Maybe if I spent less time laid out in the couch watching TV things would be different.
That said, I've been trying to do better. I'm helping her with her goal to start a blog. I send her romantic e-cards during the day. I try to spend more time with her at night and be more present. I watch the kids so she can go out with her girlfriends. However, it doesn't seem to be making a difference. I love her. I just wish she would show more affection and touch to show she feels the same. It's frustrating.
Aww it seems like you're really trying and are brave for admitting your faults (most people don't). Maybe you can tell her that you are trying. She might need it said to her because sometimes women overlook actions and need the words explicitly said to them in order to take notice of something. If she still doesn't respond, then I'm sorry but things may be dead in the water and she won't ever feel for you again. It's not a good time to leave her while she's recovering from cancer though, you will need to wait that out and don't cheat in the meantime!
Don't give up. I can't believe some of the dolts on here giving you advice - telling you she is cheating, to leave her...ugh! You have both been through a lot and I'm sure you've both made mistakes along the way in how you relate to each other. I don't think her lack of affection means your marriage is doomed. For some people that's how they handle stress. They internalize it. They don't want to talk about it, they don't want to be close to anyone else. Right or wrong, that is how they cope.
Cook dinner for the family, do chores to make her life less stressful, do thoughtful things for her like leaving her a sweet note or picking up her favorite wine. I bet if you continue to do this combined with the counseling she will come around. You need to be patient and give her some time and space. Do nice things for her just for the sake of making her life easier and happier and not because you expect anything in return. I wish you both the best of luck!
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