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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by k374
For this reason a system where the initial contact is just a "interested in messaging" or "not interested in messaging" would prevent both sexes from wasting each other's time.
They have those in "winks" and whatnot. I find them to be a cop out. Listen, if your (not you, but in general) time is so damn precious that you can't take 3-5 minutes to read a profile and compose an introductory paragraph to make a decent first impression, I'm not going to be bothered. It's lazy.
It seems that physical attraction and profile compatibility is a big part of whether a woman responds or not. Profile compatibility is much easier to judge and target but physical attraction is very subjective and it's virtually impossible to tell if a woman is going to find you attractive or not.
For this reason a system where the initial contact is just a "interested in messaging" or "not interested in messaging" would prevent both sexes from wasting each other's time.
Physical attractiveness is also a lot harder to judge when a person's most recent photo is 4 -5 years old, which is what I'm finding with a lot of the profiles I've looked at. As I told one of my friends, I'm currently chatting with someone "whose profile didn't raise any red flags and who was really cute in 2009."
I look at the details and then the "I'm looking for" sections first as part of my evaluation as to whether or not to read the rest of the profile.
This morning I got a message from a 28 year old looking for someone between the ages of 21-30 (I'm 40) asking if I was interested in some casual fun (minus the question mark). And I got another one from a 35 year old that simply said "Morning" I thought about responding to that one with "Yes, it is."
Wow, so few women with green bars under their photos to indicate that they respond often. Most are yellow or orange. Now I kind of feel bad for the guys. This makes their short messages a little more understandable. Still, they would have better luck if they at least didn't use "u" as a word.
When I had an OKC profile last year, I put in it that I would respond to all messages, even if only to say that I was not interested, and I did. Most men were appreciative of that.
I reactivated my profile last month, but re-wrote it completely and added new pics. Got a message from this guy that looked to me like a cut-and-paste message, so I ignored it - there was nothing interesting in his profile or what he messaged me, lots of talk about his kids, his "morals," and to message him back if "your a good women."
Yesterday the guy sent me the exact same message - down to the number of exclamation marks - so I responded and told him that he clearly hadn't read my profile, and I figured it was a cut and paste message sent to everyone, and that I was not interested.
Here is his exact response: " Whatever ***** !! good luck at the dog pound i was throwing u a bone "
And that, gentlemen, is why many women don't respond to your messages online.
I believe my bar wavered from yellow to red. It was mostly red. I don't response to a single message that timber makes mention of. If there's text speak, poor spelling and grammar, a copy/paste deal, I don't see the point. And I expressly stated such in my profile. And a good chunk of my highest matches also included something similar in their profile.
When I had an OKC profile last year, I put in it that I would respond to all messages, even if only to say that I was not interested, and I did. Most men were appreciative of that.
I reactivated my profile last month, but re-wrote it completely and added new pics. Got a message from this guy that looked to me like a cut-and-paste message, so I ignored it - there was nothing interesting in his profile or what he messaged me, lots of talk about his kids, his "morals," and to message him back if "your a good women."
Yesterday the guy sent me the exact same message - down to the number of exclamation marks - so I responded and told him that he clearly hadn't read my profile, and I figured it was a cut and paste message sent to everyone, and that I was not interested.
Here is his exact response: " Whatever ***** !! good luck at the dog pound i was throwing u a bone "
And that, gentlemen, is why many women don't respond to your messages online.
That's not fair!!!!! I don't write cut and paste messages or demean any woman. Do I have to pay his bill?
It seems that physical attraction and profile compatibility is a big part of whether a woman responds or not. Profile compatibility is much easier to judge and target but physical attraction is very subjective and it's virtually impossible to tell if a woman is going to find you attractive or not.
For this reason a system where the initial contact is just a "interested in messaging" or "not interested in messaging" would prevent both sexes from wasting each other's time.
Initial attraction and whatever blurb or portion of the profile is shown when scrolling through matches. But yes, attraction is pretty much a given. Most people want to be attracted to the person they're interested in dating or interacting with. That doesn't mean he needs to be an "objective" 10 (think celebrity hunk) on some attractiveness scale. It just means she needs to find him attractive.
I read the profiles first 80% of the time. The match/friend % matters a lot. I sorted by match %, and typically focused on 90+ matches, and sometimes 85%, but the majority of my best interactions have been with those in the mid to high 90's. Also the number of questions matter, at least they did to me.
Content of the profile is where the meat is at. I didn't care how good-looking a guy is. If there is nothing drawing me in to his profile, I didn't bother looking at photos.
I didn't like winks or their equivalent. It's high school crap. If my profile resonated with you, say so, was my thinking. Put some oomph in the message. And the majority did just that. While I liked OKC far, far better than PoF, I did meet/interact with some decent guys from PoF. One guy sent me a tome of a message. It was truncated, so he continued with a separate one. He took my profile and responded to practically each point/line. It certainly grabbed my attention, and didn't go unnoticed. I responded in kind.
The majority of men I messaged, which was a lot (I wasn't the type to wait for someone to message me), had lengthy profiles. They took the time to craft their profiles, so that told me that taking notice to this, actually being engaging and demonstrating interest, would grab their attention.
That's not fair!!!!! I don't write cut and paste messages or demean any woman. Do I have to pay his bill?
Am I responsible for a man-boy like that?
Then how do I stop him?
That wasn't really my point. I'm saying 1) generally women don't respond to messages that are "Hey, what's up?" OR clearly the same message sent to every woman OR show that you didn't read our profile at all and 2) sometimes the reason we don't respond to messages like that is because of the "F you biatch!" response we might get. It's just not worth it.
If you are doing none of those things, but are sending articulate, well thought out messages that show you've read a woman's profile, then yes, you SHOULD get a response, even if it's a polite "No thank you."
(And I know it doesn't always work out that way - I've sent nice messages to men who never bothered to say anything, much less a "No thank you.")
Yesterday the guy sent me the exact same message - down to the number of exclamation marks - so I responded and told him that he clearly hadn't read my profile, and I figured it was a cut and paste message sent to everyone, and that I was not interested.
I've received "Hey there gorgeous I was just wondering if you might be down for some casual fun" from the same guy the last two nights.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MoonBeam33
(And I know it doesn't always work out that way - I've sent nice messages to men who never bothered to say anything, much less a "No thank you.")
Of the 6 I've sent messages to, 2 have responded and the other 4 haven't even checked out my profile.
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