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have shared interests, and are also of average looks.
In my experience women tend to overestimate their attractiveness whereas men try to overestimate their income. So perhaps if you say you are average you may actually be below average... may sound harsh but welcome to online dating.
At least you are a woman, women are mostly judged solely on looks, women are much harsher on men... not only are men judged on looks but also socio-economic status among other thing. That is why men complain here... no matter how great a guy is it's just not good enough.
In my experience women tend to overestimate their attractiveness whereas men try to overestimate their income. So perhaps if you say you are average you may actually be below average... may sound harsh but welcome to online dating.
At least you are a woman, women are mostly judged solely on looks, women are much harsher on men... not only are men judged on looks but also socio-economic status among other thing. That is why men complain here... no matter how great a guy is it's just not good enough.
I have the exact opposite impression. Women harbor a plethora of insecurities over their appearance & even the most beautiful can struggle to feel it, whereas men seem to be comfortable being very far from good-looking. Beauty ideals for women are waaaaay higher too, and in an effort to just be "average", women put more effort into their appearance, so arguably, an average woman really does look better than an average man.
I think the difference here is expectations though. Men seem to expect to attract a woman who is really out of their league looks-wise, perhaps because they over-rate themselves or think their personality and/or accomplishments should even things out. Sometimes it does....but they may be striving too high still. Women have a right to want someone they find physically attractive too, and men cannot seem to comprehend that means average women will likely want average men, the very same men striving for above-average women. The woman is not overestimating her attractiveness, the men are being unrealistic.
OKCupid's data shows men rating more women as average than women rate men, yet they message those average-rated women less than the women message the average-rated men. So women are more open to someone whom they consider average looks-wise, and yet men, although likely average, want someone they consider above-average (not considering other qualities to affect desirability, as women do). So in all likelihood, a woman who rates herself as average is probably average, and yes, that in itself is a problem when all men are aiming for above-average.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by orangeapple
OKCupid's data shows men rating more women as average than women rate men, yet they message those average-rated women less than the women message the average-rated men. So women are more open to someone whom they consider average looks-wise, and yet men, although likely average, want someone they consider above-average (not considering other qualities to affect desirability, as women do). So in all likelihood, a woman who rates herself as average is probably average, and yes, that in itself is a problem when all men are aiming for above-average.
Last time I looked at OKC data, the women rated men much much lower than men rated women. Men presented a pretty classicly distributed bell curve, while women's rankings of men was heavily skewed toward the unattractive with very few men in the good looking range. Men also contacted a wider range of looks.
Last time I looked at OKC data, the women rated men much much lower than men rated women. Men presented a pretty classicly distributed bell curve, while women's rankings of men was heavily skewed toward the unattractive with very few men in the good looking range. Men also contacted a wider range of looks.
From their blog:
When it comes down to actually choosing targets, men choose the modelesque.
Site-wide, two-thirds of male messages go to the best-looking third of women. So basically, guys are fighting each other 2-for-1 for the absolute best-rated females, while plenty of potentially charming, even cute, girls go unwritten.
As you can see from the gray line, women rate an incredible 80% of guys as worse-looking than medium. Very harsh. On the other hand, when it comes to actual messaging, women shift their expectations only just slightly ahead of the curve, which is a healthier pattern than guys’ pursuing the all-but-unattainable. But with the basic ratings so out-of-whack, the two curves together suggest some strange possibilities for the female thought process, the most salient of which is that the average-looking woman has convinced herself that the vast majority of males aren’t good enough for her, but she then goes right out and messages them anyway.
I disagree with their interpretation at the end.... women don't convince themselves that men are not good enough for them and then message them anyway. They rate based on looks as everyone does (and might choose average or lower for most men, but they message based on the whole person (profile & stats included), meaning a man is perfectly good enough for her even if he is not what she'd call "good looking".
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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The 80% worse looking that average is a very bad indictment. Unrealistic perceptions. I don't agree with their conclusion there, but neither with yours. They're just messaging what is there and hoping to make the best of it. I mean, 80% below average? Crazy. The men's distribution was far healthier. I'm more concerned with that compared to who they message. Nothing wrong with aiming high.
I have several times been astounded at how men rate their own looks. I see a lot of guys (over 40) who make comments about how hot they are... and their pictures say otherwise. And I have a close friend who is quite ugly, but once described himself as a bit better than average.
Maybe this has something to do with the (equally puzzling) way that so many men on CDR insist that women pick men solely based on looks? Maybe if guys are getting dates they figure they must be good looking despite what the mirror tells them? When, really, women are choosing them without reference to their looks.
And, of course, women are trained from childhood to praise men, so they have been hearing all their lives that they are so handsome....
It reminds me of an old Franklin and Bash episode I saw last night, featuring a very plain young woman who believed she was gorgeous. But, you know, that was a comedy.
not so womena are not complaining men are.
the store has bad merchandise and they treat you bad, ???? dont shop there. the people that operate that store are crooks. now how hard can that be?
The 80% worse looking that average is a very bad indictment. Unrealistic perceptions. I don't agree with their conclusion there, but neither with yours. They're just messaging what is there and hoping to make the best of it. I mean, 80% below average? Crazy. The men's distribution was far healthier. I'm more concerned with that compared to who they message. Nothing wrong with aiming high.
Well, then you cannot criticize women for having high standards then, either.
Maybe women should only respond to and message those 20% of men we find visually appealing?
Seems a fair solution to me. Then the current 2 men fighting over 1 woman will have even worse odds .
If you're a woman and you're not getting any action on dating sites, then IMHO, there must be something wrong with your weight, appearance, or something you stated in your profile.
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