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Exactly. There've been several who I initially thought about messaging but when I read further, something came up that prevented me from doing so-they answered "no" to "Are you happy with your life?", "yes" to God being the most important thing in their life, they are looking for someone to have children with, they are opposed to gay people are the big ones.
The latest ones to contact me are a 51-year-old drug and alcohol addict and a 55-year-old looking for bi-friends (clearly did NOT read my profile) for his new lady friend he met on the site. The seemingly nice, normal guys look but don't message nor do they respond when I message them. *shrugs*
Have experienced this as well. It stinks when you think about it, because afterall you're trying to remain optimistic. It just stinks when the only people giving you notice is the person who has not one part of their life together. Clearly, there's always someone available, but that doesn't mean you want what's available. Truth be told, I think a lot of the people that seem nice and normal would click well if they crossed paths in real life by a mutual friend or organization. Online is an easy way to vet out people and not give them a chance. You spend more time looking for what's wrong than actually looking or what's right.
Have experienced this as well. It stinks when you think about it, because afterall you're trying to remain optimistic. It just stinks when the only people giving you notice is the person who has not one part of their life together. Clearly, there's always someone available, but that doesn't mean you want what's available. Truth be told, I think a lot of the people that seem nice and normal would click well if they crossed paths in real life by a mutual friend or organization. Online is an easy way to vet out people and not give them a chance. You spend more time looking for what's wrong than actually looking or what's right.
I agree with this, especially the bolded. Sadly, I know quite a few people for whom this online mentality of looking for what's wrong with them based on what's in their profile has carried over to how they respond to meeting people in real life as well.
I look for things that are going to be a potentially huge issue. I have good gay friends-in fact, I'm officiating their upcoming wedding-so someone closed minded about homosexuality and I are probably not going to work. And I'm not going to have kids at this age nor am I religious so I'm not going to be a good match for someone looking for a good little baby-producing church wife.
I got one of those "hi...what are you doing" messages at a time when I was having fun answering them honestly. I responded I was researching the requirements to officiate a gay wedding. Never heard back-turns out he was anti-gay.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr.Murph
my observation is okcupid is full of fat, unattractive women. POF has better looking women but good luck on them messaging you back. oh and 80% of the ladies on that site has children! one word of advice delete the profiles and go out and find a woman. these sites are extremely frustrating
OKC here also has it's fair share of overweight, unattractive single fathers. However, I've been told it's the better choice between it and POF, which I've been told more than once is a "cesspool."
Quote:
Originally Posted by MoonBeam33
If I were desperate for a relationship I would be on every available OLD, speed dating, going to bars, pestering all my friends to set me up. But no, I'm living my life, going to grad school, and OLD was a convenient way to put myself out there.
I haven't had a serious relationship in several years, and I'm fine with that. If I meet someone, great. But my life does not revolve around finding the mythical "one" and I'm busy with other pursuits.
Yep. It's just another avenue to try to meet someone. If I were desperate, I would spend way more time on the site than I do-I sometimes go for days without checking it, and I'd be finding ways to justify overlooking deal breakers to message anyone I found remotely attractive.
I haven't had a serious relationship since my late hubby died in 2008, though I've only been truly ready for one for about a year or so. And I'm okay with that. One of my more casual friends hosted a girl's night out on Friday and I told them that I'm not entirely sure I want a relationship because I actually want to be in one or because all my close friends are now partnered off and are moving towards primarily only doing things with other couples (as it naturally happens) so in order to still hang out with them, I need to be part of a couple too. I like my friends-I don't really feel like getting all new ones.
My best friend thinks I've given up hope but it's not that. I'm just not focusing all my attention on it. I will eventually meet someone or I won't. Friday, we started girl's night at a pretty cozy neighborhood bar. Live music, it was a full house (which was about 25 people) and I was clearly the youngest person there (at 40). Couldn't really talk so we moved on to another neighborhood bar. I counted 10 women and 6 men. I was one of the oldest. Yesterday, I escaped to the beach. The section I was at wasn't overly crowded and was mostly couples and older men. I didn't see any other women who were there solo.
my observation is okcupid is full of fat, unattractive women. POF has better looking women but good luck on them messaging you back. oh and 80% of the ladies on that site has children! one word of advice delete the profiles and go out and find a woman. these sites are extremely frustrating
Not where I live. I checked out the competition and at least in my age group, the women are in good shape and look like they take care of themselves with hair, make-up, clothing, etc.
POF, on the other hand, is a cesspit, especially the men.
Ok so you prefer to sit on the computer and "vent" all day instead of changing how you approach things such as going to singles events, going out to meet people more, etc.
Got it.
And you claim to be "living your life" yet venting on C-D? Got it.
Not where I live. I checked out the competition and at least in my age group, the women are in good shape and look like they take care of themselves with hair, make-up, clothing, etc.
POF, on the other hand, is a cesspit, especially the men.
A few months ago I looked at OKC and POF near me and it seems OKC is full of young guys mostly and POF is mostly unattractive older men with kids and apparently unemployed or underemployed.
A few months ago I looked at OKC and POF near me and it seems OKC is full of young guys mostly and POF is mostly unattractive older men with kids and apparently unemployed or underemployed.
Well, good thing someone's around to judge humanity. Jesus was taking a smoke break.
I see in the last couple of days OKC has changed the name of the filtered email folder from "filtered" to "junk." That's where most of my messages end up as they come from men who are outside of my basic settings of age and location.
I'll likely be disabling my profile in the near future. I'm going to be out of the country for about 3 weeks on vacation so checking it isn't going to be very high on my priority list. Plus, I'm not getting anywhere with it anyway. (One date in three months. Made a date with someone for last weekend but he cancelled it a couple of hours later).
Originally Posted by NWGirl74
Exactly. There've been several who I initially thought about messaging but when I read further, something came up that prevented me from doing so-they answered "no" to "Are you happy with your life?", "yes" to God being the most important thing in their life, they are looking for someone to have children with, they are opposed to gay people are the big ones.
Quote:
Originally Posted by weezerfan84
Truth be told, I think a lot of the people that seem nice and normal would click well if they crossed paths in real life by a mutual friend or organization. Online is an easy way to vet out people and not give them a chance. You spend more time looking for what's wrong than actually looking or what's right.
Sure, if I met them IRL we might hit it off and date for a while. But eventually it would become clear that they were miserable/Christian/anti-gay/whatever, and then we would break up. And maybe I would have my heart broken.
I think filtering out people who are incompatible is a good thing, and OLD is a more efficient way of doing it, sometimes.
I know what you mean. A lot of guys seem to think it's a numbers game, but for me it's about compatibility. If I message 20 guys I could probably get a date with half of them, but it doesn't mean in reality that there's even 20 guys on the site I find attractive or have similar interests/beliefs with to bother messaging! For me it wasn't about fearing rejection, it was about the quality of people. If I want just any random guy from online dating, I could make it happen, but I don't want to. I'd rather find someone compatible that I find at least moderately attractive, or else I'd rather stay single. I have a great life and I'm happy, I'd rather stay the way I am than settle for any warm body. I guess it depends how selective you want to be. Personally I'd rather be selective than not.
Like someone above said, most of the messages I got were from completely random dudes who had nothing in common with me.. I doubt they read my profile and probably just looked at my photos and decided I was hot. I don't want that. I only replied to the people who had similar things in common (faith, wanting/not wanting kids, similar income/background, live reasonably close by etc) and took the time to send me a nice message that was more than a few words long. If it was a numbers game, I probably could've gone out with the 100 other random dudes that sent me messages saying "sup"... But I'd rather not...
I agree! I think it pays to be picky when it comes to online dating. I think that women and men just have different experiences dating online, women can sit back and their inboxes will fill up with messages, though most of the messages will be low quality and incompatible. On the other hand men have to message literally dozens of women to get a response, which is why they play it like a numbers game and send a lot of generic messages. I'm testing a dating site called meshbetter.com that basically solves this problem by letting you set a bunch of standards and giving you a spam folder for all messages that don't meet your requirements. I'm not sure how they do it but it's pretty cool because now every guy that messages me "sup" gets put in a spam folder.
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Jesus was taking a smoke break.
