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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,981,862 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lafleur
You make it seem like it's all me that's at the source of my failures. Well guess what? I've been trying more so than ever before in my life. I put myself out there. I joined Meetup groups. I joined OKC. I lost 20 lbs and toned up a bit. I bought some new clothes.
This last girl I was seeing, I did EVERYTHING I could to do it right. I took her out for a nice dinner, we had good conversations, we went to the movies, we went to have drinks at a microbrewery, I bought her a flower for one date, I made her laugh on a number of occasions, we kissed several times. This happened all over the course of the last few weeks. And now she has completely flaked out!
This kind of crap has been going on for the past six months or so with various girls whom I dated. This is NOT just what's between my ears. There are circumstances well out of my control at play here. I just don't know what the hell they are, hence the obvious frustration I'm dealing with.
I hear that. I think I did everything right with the woman I'm seeing now. I tried to learn from all my past mistakes. Turns out, and I had the feeling this was true, but I was a rebound and now she's pulled away. I have no control over it, and it makes me want to try harder to make it work, which is the absolutely wrong thing to do (I've been losing this battle too, which is all me).
It sucks. It hurts. I haven't been sleeping. I thought she might be the one. Yes, it's a two way street with any one person. It happens. It can happen for six months, six years, or whatever... but that is just a blip of time in life. If you're head is right and you keep with a good outlook, it turns around. It might take a year or five, but that's ok.
I'll have another good cry when this is finally over, mope around for awhile, then get my life back together and move forward. This is life, until we meet the right person that views us as the right person. I know that won't happen if I don't keep my head right.
It takes time. Years often. Decades sometimes. That's life. It's ok.
But over the long term, yes, it is about me. I'm the common denominator. I'm either not doing things right, or I'm choosing wrong. In the long term, it is about me and my choices and my approach. Absolutely.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jma501
Now you are making staying alone seem a pleasurable alternative.
I never mentioned being alone or staying alone. Single /= alone.
Single absolutely can be a pleasurable alternative. Just like traveling alone is often a pleasurable alternative to traveling with someone else. They're just different.
I hear that. I think I did everything right with the woman I'm seeing now. I tried to learn from all my past mistakes. Turns out, and I had the feeling this was true, but I was a rebound and now she's pulled away. I have no control over it, and it makes me want to try harder to make it work, which is the absolutely wrong thing to do (I've been losing this battle too, which is all me).
It sucks. It hurts. I haven't been sleeping. I thought she might be the one. Yes, it's a two way street with any one person. It happens. It can happen for six months, six years, or whatever... but that is just a blip of time in life. If you're head is right and you keep with a good outlook, it turns around. It might take a year or five, but that's ok.
I'll have another good cry when this is finally over, mope around for awhile, then get my life back together and move forward. This is life, until we meet the right person that views us as the right person. I know that won't happen if I don't keep my head right.
It takes time. Years often. Decades sometimes. That's life. It's ok.
But over the long term, yes, it is about me. I'm the common denominator. I'm either not doing things right, or I'm choosing wrong. In the long term, it is about me and my choices and my approach. Absolutely.
I never mentioned being alone or staying alone. Single /= alone.
Single absolutely can be a pleasurable alternative. Just like traveling alone is often a pleasurable alternative to traveling with someone else. They're just different.
Your comment mentioned it. You have to work to generate interest? OK but I refuse to jump through hoops and be anyones clown. That seems like a consistently losing proposition to me.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,981,862 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by jma501
Your comment mentioned it. You have to work to generate interest? OK but I refuse to jump through hoops and be anyones clown. That seems like a consistently losing proposition to me.
I never mentioned hoops or being anyone's clown. Yes, most guys (I believe) need to generate interest. I can't just show up and have people come to me, except with OLD at times, but there you have a profile to generate interest.
I don't see where I said being alone is preferable. Perhaps I did. Single, yes, but alone, no. Most people aren't alone unless they don't have friends.
Your comment mentioned it. You have to work to generate interest? OK but I refuse to jump through hoops and be anyones clown. That seems like a consistently losing proposition to me.
The problem is that most people have a ton of baggage. Most people are terrible at relationships. And most people are reluctant to give you a chance because of their own baggage or misguided ignorance. I've had underemployed 30-something women who make much less than me tell me that they won't date men in their 20s or who are slightly younger than them because they think they're not as mature or don't have their lives together as much as they do.
I never mentioned hoops or being anyone's clown. Yes, most guys (I believe) need to generate interest. I can't just show up and have people come to me, except with OLD at times, but there you have a profile to generate interest.
I don't see where I said being alone is preferable. Perhaps I did. Single, yes, but alone, no. Most people aren't alone unless they don't have friends.
The problem is that most people have a ton of baggage. Most people are terrible at relationships. And most people are reluctant to give you a chance because of their own baggage or misguided ignorance. I've had underemployed 30-something women who make much less than me tell me that they won't date men in their 20s or who are slightly younger than them because they think they're not as mature or don't have their lives together as much as they do.
This last girl I was seeing, I did EVERYTHING I could to do it right. I took her out for a nice dinner, we had good conversations, we went to the movies, we went to have drinks at a microbrewery, I bought her a flower for one date, I made her laugh on a number of occasions, we kissed several times. This happened all over the course of the last few weeks. And now she has completely flaked out!
Imo for the sake of not becoming jaded, you should call this girl up and treat her like sh*t. I had to do this for only one girl and she clearly regretted plainly f*cking me over. I don't even hold it against her, she just has to know she can't f*ck someone over who did it all right.
Well alone and single are very different, I would encourage you to change that mindset or thought process. There are people in relationships that feel very alone, and people not in them that never feel alone.
And I'm not one that could ever get one night stands. I'm, at best, average looking. At best. But see, this is the mind part of it... you're looking at the phrase "generating interest" as a game. It isn't. Heck, I think I'm pretty cool. But how would any woman know that about me? I have to, while talking to her, tell her about me as I'm asking her about her (and hopefully vice versa). If she doesn't think I'm cool, then it is a no go.
Well alone and single are very different, I would encourage you to change that mindset or thought process. There are people in relationships that feel very alone, and people not in them that never feel alone.
And I'm not one that could ever get one night stands. I'm, at best, average looking. At best. But see, this is the mind part of it... you're looking at the phrase "generating interest" as a game. It isn't. Heck, I think I'm pretty cool. But how would any woman know that about me? I have to, while talking to her, tell her about me as I'm asking her about her (and hopefully vice versa). If she doesn't think I'm cool, then it is a no go.
When you put it that way it makes sense. I guess the years spent around my former friend and the subsequent awarding of interest by women for simply being good looking has left me a bit jaded I suppose. Over all I still think its a mind game though.
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