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Imo for the sake of not becoming jaded, you should call this girl up and treat her like sh*t. I had to do this for only one girl and she clearly regretted plainly f*cking me over. I don't even hold it against her, she just has to know she can't f*ck someone over who did it all right.
Haha, well, as much as I would enjoy tapping into my vindictive side, I think my best option is to just leave her alone and move on with my life.
It is true about becoming jaded though. I do feel used. I don't even want to date right now, and I'm supposed to have a date tonight. Time to put my happy face on.
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
Yes, rings a bell. It wasn't "banging a bunch of chicks" or anything like that. That's an insulting term to me and the women in my, and have been in my, life.
Well, it is basically what you said, bro. What you were describing is casual sex. You have to understand that some people aren't interested in doing that. I have the same access to casual sex as anyone else. It just isn't what I want. To me it is immoral. I think sex should happen between people who care about each other.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by neutrino78x
Well, it is basically what you said, bro. What you were describing is casual sex. You have to understand that some people aren't interested in doing that. I have the same access to casual sex as anyone else. It just isn't what I want. To me it is immoral. I think sex should happen between people who care about each other.
Banging someone has the implication that you're just using them for sexual satisfaction, like you're using them as a piece of meat for your pleasure.
I didn't say that at all. And what do you mean by "casual" sex? I wasn't having sex with anyone I didn't care about. Some I love. I didn't take it as being casual at all, neither did they.
And there is nothing immoral about two consenting adults that want to have sex together, whether they just met or have known each other 20+ years (as was the case with one person I was sleeping with, and who I care a great deal about).
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
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What I'm looking for --especially since I would be losing my virginity with this person -- is someone who starts out as a platonic acquaintance, met in a platonic context. Someone who becomes a close friend over time. Someone who is there when I need her, listens to my problems, and shares her own. Someone who cares about me. Someone with whom I share genuine intimacy. So far, no one I have felt that way about had felt the same. investing your emotions in someone and finding that they don't reciprocate results in an empty and lonely feeling. So excuse the hell out of me if I say I'm sad about that. It doesn't mean I'm whining or that I have some kind of mental illness.
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
Banging someone has the implication that you're just using them for sexual satisfaction, like you're using them as a piece of meat for your pleasure.
Right, that's what you said. You said there had been plenty of sex during that time. In other threads you have stated that it is desirable to have sex with someone you could not imagine yourself marrying.
It's fine if that's what you want. But it isn't necessarily what everyone else wants. I'm still a virgin because meaningful sex is not available to me, yet.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,981,862 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by neutrino78x
What I'm looking for --especially since I would be losing my virginity with this person -- is someone who starts out as a platonic acquaintance, met in a platonic context. Someone who becomes a close friend over time. Someone who is there when I need her, listens to my problems, and shares her own. Someone who cares about me. Someone with whom I share genuine intimacy. So far, no one I have felt that way about had felt the same. investing your emotions in someone and finding that they don't reciprocate results in an empty and lonely feeling. So excuse the hell out of me if I say I'm sad about that. It doesn't mean I'm whining or that I have some kind of mental illness.
Why you pigeonholing how it happens?
I mean, if you like and are attracted to the person, and vice versa, does it matter how you met? Feelings of love and adorement can arise no matter how you meet.
Nothing wrong with wanting what you want. I lost my virginity (and she to me) with a person I knew for years as a platonic fiend and then it progressed and we had sex senior year of high school. We dated for a year after and are still friends today (25 years later, we had dinner last month... sadly she's going through a divorce). That's great, but that slow build is only really realistic during those formative years (I have no idea how old you are, it can happen in college too).
I'm sad about what is happening with my relationship, but I knew I was a rebound. It was intense and fun and she's pulling away. It happens. It sucks. It hurts. But it will get better. I wouldn't change those months of walking on air and being in complete bliss though. That would be silliness.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,981,862 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by neutrino78x
Right, that's what you said. You said there had been plenty of sex during that time. In other threads you have stated that it is desirable to have sex with someone you could not imagine yourself marrying.
No, it isn't what I said. There was plenty of sex during that time. It was with people I cared about. It wasn't "banging". Stop misrepresenting what my statements are.
Just because you live in extremes, doesn't mean that all of us do.
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
4,375 posts, read 4,071,793 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
Why you pigeonholing how it happens?
I mean, if you like and are attracted to the person, and vice versa, does it matter how you met? Feelings of love and adorement can arise no matter how you meet.
I see what you're saying. I just feel like dating is not something I'm interested in. I want it to happen naturally. I feel like if I go out and try to force it, like doing OLD for example, the most I would find is something superficial. I want it to come from a friendship.
Quote:
Nothing wrong with wanting what you want. I lost my virginity (and she to me) with a person I knew for years as a platonic fiend and then it progressed and we had sex senior year of high school.
Yes, this is what I want.
Quote:
That's great, but that slow build is only really realistic during those formative years (I have no idea how old you are, it can happen in college too).
You might be right...but I just don't feel interested in the other method.
I think meetup could work for what I'm looking for, but it is hard to find a group I'm interested in that meets in a place I can get to on the bus and meets on my weird days off, Sunday and Monday. My general life situation in the past ten years has made me somewhat isolated socially, even more so than I would be otherwise,I guess.
Quote:
I'm sad about what is happening with my relationship, but I knew I was a rebound. It was intense and fun and she's pulling away. It happens. It sucks. It hurts. But it will get better. I wouldn't change those months of walking on air and being in complete bliss though. That would be silliness.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,981,862 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by neutrino78x
I see what you're saying. I just feel like dating is not something I'm interested in. I want it to happen naturally. I feel like if I go out and try to force it, like doing OLD for example, the most I would find is something superficial. I want it to come from a friendship.
Dating isn't really "artificial" though. It is totally natural. All dating is is going out with someone you find attractive, or may find attractive, and getting to know them and engaging in shared activities with. It's perfectly natural.
Dating isn't really "artificial" though. It is totally natural. All dating is is going out with someone you find attractive, or may find attractive, and getting to know them and engaging in shared activities with. It's perfectly natural.
And dating is no more artificial than going to a meetup or social event and meeting someone platonically. If you haven't met someone before, you have to get to know them one way or another.
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