Does such a man exist? Just curious, not on a hunt. (boyfriends, woman)
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Not politically correct but completely wrong to say and not even remotely close to the truth.
It's a shame, one cannot fix racism but they can sure demonstrate it.
Where in the world do you come up with these ideas?
Do you even know anyone who is a different race than white?
Do you have friends that a different race than white?
Do you understand there are a lot of "white" people who have black grandparents or great grandparents or great great grandparents but they just happen to be the "white" skin tone side of the family.
First of all why on earth you are so damn angry? Calm down.
You've never met a white guy who doesn't want to sleep with a woman who has slept with a black person? I know plenty. and I don't judge them at all.
My sister dated an Asian guy briefly. He said "You sure have slept with the colors of rainbow and I am not sure I can handle raising two mixed children." That is why I said "Ifop met somebody who is confident and grounded, then raising two mixed children won't be a problem." Will I call this asian guy racist? I won't. He was not into her, that relationship was not meant to be. That is it.
Sometimes I feel you like to argue for the sake of arguing. I am not white, and I certainly won't judge a white man who refuse to have a relationship with me because I am half Asian. I can care less.
Ok, so, I'm just curious but I'm interested in hearing from single mothers and men who might have some experience with this. To begin, let me first say that I realize that there are some men who would never date a single mother for various reasons & I also know there are a lot of guys (mostly younger but not always) out there who just don't want to deal with kids or the "inconvenience"... but I am not talking about them. So here are my questions for you all...
Is it really possible for a guy to want to marry a mother who is busy raising young children? Is it too much to ask or expect a man to share a woman with her children if she is their only caregiver & has no family to help or give her time alone with him on a consistent basis? Is that fair? Do you think that such a man exists that is capable of feeling a fatherly bond with a child who is not his regardless of the age and be willing to care for & about him in a similar way? Perhaps a stranger question, how likely is a white guy able to accept a women with 2 mixed children & does that have any influence over his decision to be with her in a serious/lifelong relationship? Would he feel awkward accepting them too equally? I know this is really dependent on the man himself but I am just starting to wonder if my situation in itself means that I should just expect that if I am to ever find "the one" it will be more likely to happen after my children have grown up? Lastly, is it fair to say that most men steer clear of women who have had a lot of trouble in her life, even if she remains kind & loving despite it all? Like I said all strange questions but I am interested in hearing helpful thoughts. Please keep all ignorant remarks to yourself. Thank you.
Not politically correct but completely wrong to say and not even remotely close to the truth.
It's a shame, one cannot fix racism but they can sure demonstrate it.
Where in the world do you come up with these ideas?
Do you even know anyone who is a different race than white?
Do you have friends that a different race than white?
Do you understand there are a lot of "white" people who have black grandparents or great grandparents or great great grandparents but they just happen to be the "white" skin tone side of the family.
So why don't you attack the OP for now looking only for a white man of substance to date? Isn't she exhibiting racism by not looking for a black man of substance for her next relationship? Does she not think that they exist?
I married a single mother. She didn't want me to develop a fatherly bond with her child. He already had a father, active in his life. Her early behavior taught me that her son would always be her first love. Her late behavior taught that the grandchildren came 2nd and 3rd.
I did teach her son calculus and encouraged him to go the University. He got a Ph.D about 6 months ago.
My wife and I have what i can only call a fabulously intimate and affectionate relationship. Her son and I are close friends. The grandkids and I will be.
I couldn't have asked for more.
Besides, I'm not sure I could have handled first through third place.
It sounds like you both have a great love & respect for one another and an appreciation for the other one's needs including her son's. Thats great to hear. I can understand her feelings of not wanting to disrupt the relationship between the boy & his father, however, it sounds like you very much have given the boy similar love & guidance. I am confident that what he will take into life from his relationship with you will very much reflect the positive influence you too have had on him. For that, you should be proud. He sounds like a smart kid & I know that he must appreciate the role you have played in his life & continue to do so. I credit your "fabulously intimate and affectionate relationship" to your obvious understanding of what balance within a family truly means.
As a few posts here show, there are obviously a lot of men who struggle with confidence & need to be the center of attention to a almost unhealthy level. A mother's love for her child differs greatly from the type of love she has for her husband/SO. You just cannot & should not compare the two, in my opinion. Perhaps these men are too blind or immature to realize that way of thought will only work for a singles-lifestyle & will surely only lead to the result of more unhappy & unhealthy marriages & families.
It sounds like you both have a great love & respect for one another and an appreciation for the other one's needs including her son's. Thats great to hear. I can understand her feelings of not wanting to disrupt the relationship between the boy & his father, however, it sounds like you very much have given the boy similar love & guidance. I am confident that what he will take into life from his relationship with you will very much reflect the positive influence you too have had on him. For that, you should be proud. He sounds like a smart kid & I know that he must appreciate the role you have played in his life & continue to do so. I credit your "fabulously intimate and affectionate relationship" to your obvious understanding of what balance within a family truly means.
As a few posts here show, there are obviously a lot of men who struggle with confidence & need to be the center of attention to a almost unhealthy level. A mother's love for her child differs greatly from the type of love she has for her husband/SO. You just cannot & should not compare the two, in my opinion. Perhaps these men are too blind or immature to realize that way of thought will only work for a singles-lifestyle & will surely only lead to the result of more unhappy & unhealthy marriages & families.
I think that YOU are the one misunderstanding the point of a marriage and family. You want to keep your relationship with your children separate from your next s/o. So if he isn't going to be a father figure for your children, then what's the point of being in a serious or marital relationship with him? Is he just there to be your companion and no more? And when he dies, is he supposed to leave you everything?
I think it natural for men to want to raise children who carry their genes, or at least look like them, to raise them with their culture and life philosophies, and later on to leave them of legacy of their belongings and "substance". And even if you aren't looking for a sugar daddy and maintain your financial independence, then what would be the point of any man staying with you in a long term relationship?
And you still haven't answered why you are now only looking for a white "man of substance" to date. Are you soured off of black men? And wouldn't you be denying your bi-racial children half of their heritage?
It's not a competition. A woman can care for more than one person at a time. And even if you get involved with a childless woman, if you eventually have kids, those kids are going to take up a lot of time and attention. Obviously she shouldn't ignore her partner's needs, but if you're the type who's going to be jealous of a woman's love for her children, then maybe you should stay childfree.
I couldn't agree with you more. The love a mother has for her children should never be put on the chopping block nor compared to the love she has for a man. By design, women have a great capacity to love & care for more than just one individual. The men who are jealous of this love need to go back to their own mothers to get the love & affection they obviously lack from their own upbringing.
Well, life is a balancing art. Every grown up needs to learn to share space with others. For example, we share our spouses with their families, their careers, love for a child and love for a spouse are completely different. Apples to oranges. NOT Sure fairness has anything to do with it. As long as you know how to balance the needs between a husband and your children, I don't see why there should be a problem.
I do agree that life in itself is surely about balancing. As a single mother of 2, I understand that truly understand the importance of balancing their needs, my own & those of other relationships in our lives. I also agree that the love a mother has for her children should never be compared to the love she has for her spouse as they are naturally very different.
"If you marry a real confident man, mixed race kids shouldn't be a problem."
After posting this, I realize, now more than ever, this is so very true. It's pretty incredible how some people think. The lack of such confidence is so unattractive in itself. How anyone would think I would be pressed to even consider dating a man with such ignorant beliefs anyway is beyond me. They fall way below my expectations of what a real man consists of in the first place and these are surely not the men my questions were directed at.
I do agree that life in itself is surely about balancing. As a single mother of 2, I understand that truly understand the importance of balancing their needs, my own & those of other relationships in our lives. I also agree that the love a mother has for her children should never be compared to the love she has for her spouse as they are naturally very different.
"If you marry a real confident man, mixed race kids shouldn't be a problem."
After posting this, I realize, now more than ever, this is so very true. It's pretty incredible how some people think. The lack of such confidence is so unattractive in itself. How anyone would think I would be pressed to even consider dating a man with such ignorant beliefs anyway is beyond me. They fall way below my expectations of what a real man consists of in the first place and these are surely not the men my questions were directed at.
My sister is raising two mixed children. I know how hard it is.
hang in there.
I am assuming that you are a good financial provider for yourself and your children. Don't mean to sound insensitive, perhaps you are saying that you won't be a financial burden to your potential husband? If this is the case, no, it is not too much to expect him to share you with your children. You need to provide for your children. Perhaps you are saying that you can no longer contribute financially to the new family if you do get married in the future? It looks like you and your children are doing just fine financially. So I don't believe money is going to be an issue in the future.
It looks like you are only looking for a white man to date. Like I posted earlier, if he is a grounded confident man, helping you raise two mixed children shouldn't be a problem. A lot of people are doing just that.
A guy my sister dated told her this before they broke up "You sure have slept with the colors of rainbow." Race and color still matter in our society. There is nothing we can do to change that. If the person judges you based on your past, he won't be the one for you anyway. So no worries.
Good luck to you and I hope you will find a white man very soon.
I will never be rich but I have always worked very hard to support my children alone. I love them dearly & have high expectations for them as well. They are intelligent, talented, well-mannered, kind-hearted & fun-loving kids. They love to read and don't sit around all day in front of the TV or a game console all day and aren't over-eexposed to half of the crap that so many other young people are exposed to early on (sex, drugs, violence, ignorance, etc). I do my very best to give them the best opportunities I can afford (a good education & academic support, opportunities to travel both nationally & internationally to provide them with cultural exposure & worldly experiences, sports, science camps, music lessons, & so forth). Whether I end up in a long term relationship or a marriage, there's no way I'd just sit around waiting for my spouse or SO to provide those things for my children. My kids ultimately look to me, no one else, to provide for them and I would not fail in, what I believe, are my natural responsibilities to provide them with a good foundation & a happy childhood. Nonetheless, there is a cost that would affect a relationship. Anyone who has ever raised a child knows how incredibly expensive it can be to provide all of the things they need which means I, myself, go without on a regular basis. I don't spend a dime on myself & it does take a lot of time to raise them and work for them. However, I'm not sure if that's much different than a man who works a lot, travels for work or owns his own business. Seems we all have things in our lives that keep us busy. Nonetheless, it does mean that I will often be unable to spend money elsewhere, like a new big screen TV 'just because' or a new car when we have one that works & gets us from point A-to-B. In that sense, I will have very little to contribute but that is just is how it is. I am not woman who lives on credit cards & I make purchases that I can afford- a concept that has been lost by many americans.
I truly understand and whole-heartedly agree that with racism still alive & well in our society and it is becoming much clearer to me that a man's level of confidence is a major key factor when mixed race children are involved. I don't think I ever realized the amount of ignorance that my mate too would face. It's pretty disturbing how people generalize & judge one another. Not only for obvious reasons (like the fact that my children are mixed) but just in general, I never would want to be with a man who is so small minded from the get-go. I see troubles in every community (white, black, hispanic, asian)- not one group or person for that matter can claim perfection and you're right, anyone with that frame of mind would not be someone I'd find to be suitable for me anyway. In fact, they are the ones I'm trying to steer clear of.
Im sure there are men that will be agreeable to your laundry list of requirements, but I think it really narrows the pool down quite a bit.
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