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Lets say if the guy didn't have the kid and none of that. Just wanted a threesome. We'd still be slamming him.
Also, I'm not saying what he did was right.
I don't think we'd be slamming him. The problem wasn't his wish for a threesome, it was the tone-deaf and and backwards way he went about organizing it that ended up completely alienating his partner.
Lets say if the guy didn't have the kid and none of that. Just wanted a threesome. We'd still be slamming him.
Also, I'm not saying what he did was right.
He also fully admits that he doesn't know how to take care of this child. In my own experiences, many men would simply run for the hills.
So learn to care. People aren't born with an innate ability to care for one.
The thing he did stupidly here is not approach his wife first. That is always the best move. And from what I've experienced, it is almost the best move for the woman to do the asking of the third, whether it be male or female.
Confusing the issue. I'm saying he has the *alls or "gumption" to do what he did. Never said it was right. Never said it wasn't stupid.
gumption: shrewd or spirited initiative and resourcefulness.
I don't believe that he had gumption. I believe he was simply stupid. You can praise his gumption all you like. If he were my partner - I would have kicked him to the curb, too. He was not resourceful and the only initiative he took was really, really dumb. Do you also think that cheaters have gumption? What about thieves?
What was wrong was speaking to anyone else first - he should have explored the idea with his wife first, and dropped it if she wasn't interested. There's nothing wrong with asking about things you want, but you have to be prepared to accept a negative decision. If he'd asked his wife respectfully about the possibility of pursuing this fantasy, then she would be in the wrong if she did more than clearly and respectfully decline for now and the future. That should be the end of it.
So, they are probably both in the wrong, IMO. Him for not discussing the idea first with his wife, and her for not providing a safe place in the marriage to discuss anything, even if unusual.
What was wrong was speaking to anyone else first - he should have explored the idea with his wife first, and dropped it if she wasn't interested. There's nothing wrong with asking about things you want, but you have to be prepared to accept a negative decision. If he'd asked his wife respectfully about the possibility of pursuing this fantasy, then she would be in the wrong if she did more than clearly and respectfully decline for now and the future. That should be the end of it.
So, they are probably both in the wrong, IMO. Him for not discussing the idea first with his wife, and her for not providing a safe place in the marriage to discuss anything, even if unusual.
How do you know that she did not provide a safe place in the marriage? She didn't have that option. He didn't go to her first because he thought she'd be thrilled about it - so obviously she was not at fault for not creating a safe place.
I said IF in my first paragraph, and given the information available, we can't know the circumstances to which she actually responded. We don't know how he broached the subject to her. If he presented it as a done deal, then she was perfectly justified in her reaction. If he asked her if she'd be interested in such a scenario without saying it was set up, then it would have been wrong of her to not listen and simply say no.
I said IF in my first paragraph, and given the information available, we can't know the circumstances to which she actually responded. We don't know how he broached the subject to her. If he presented it as a done deal, then she was perfectly justified in her reaction. If he asked her if she'd be interested in such a scenario without saying it was set up, then it would have been wrong of her to not listen and simply say no.
I disagree. If she has never shown any interest in a threesome - and she is tired and worn out from taking care of their baby - then it was simply a horrible time to bring something like this up. And it doesn't really matter how he approached it - he told her that his coworker was up for it - which means she knew that he had talked about it with his coworker before he discussed it with her. Nobody here is putting down threesomes or couples that take part in threesomes. This guy went about everything in the exact wrong way and only thought of himself, and he seems to be incapable of understanding any of this.
I disagree. If she has never shown any interest in a threesome - and she is tired and worn out from taking care of their baby - then it was simply a horrible time to bring something like this up. And it doesn't really matter how he approached it - he told her that his coworker was up for it - which means she knew that he had talked about it with his coworker before he discussed it with her. Nobody here is putting down threesomes or couples that take part in threesomes. This guy went about everything in the exact wrong way and only thought of himself, and he seems to be incapable of understanding any of this.
Agree
The worst time to introduce a 3some is when you want to "spice things up". If things aren't great between you as a couple, a 3some won't make it better. Get right as a couple then expand the play if that is what you want to do.
I said IF in my first paragraph, and given the information available, we can't know the circumstances to which she actually responded. We don't know how he broached the subject to her. If he presented it as a done deal, then she was perfectly justified in her reaction. If he asked her if she'd be interested in such a scenario without saying it was set up, then it would have been wrong of her to not listen and simply say no.
But right from the OP, it sounds exactly like what it says!
Quote:
to spice things up, I approached a female colleague at work regarding a threesome. I know she's very frisky and would go along with it. She immediately said that she was up for it.
So I thought we could leave our son with the grandparents for the weekend so we could have fun all the 3 of us.
When I told my partner about it, she went mad. She said she couldn't believe I was suggesting such a thing, that I have no respect for her and that it's a disgusting idea. Then I told her that if she preferred we could have an escort instead of a woman I know if she feels more comfortable. She said she just couldn't recognise me and that went away.
We haven't spoken in these past few days. I've tried to speak with her again but she avoids me.
I mean, I thought it was a good idea to improve things in bed. I couldn't imagine she would be so prudish. I've tried this with a previous girlfriend and it didn't change a thing.
Sounds like he dropped a bombshell on her, and also thinks she is prudish. I don't see any care and concern or a gentle approach that normally would be a conversation between partners first before it went anywhere else.
Yes. Too many men (and women) aren't truthful about their desires. And even the ones that are, don't have the cojones to even ask. What if this SO said "yes" to the threesome?
It's still pretty foolish to get involved with someone at work, particularly the one that other colleagues see hooking up with other colleagues.
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