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After reading this, before you respond, I ask that you please go easy on me. I've dealt with a lot of rejection in my life, so although this situation may seem superficial, it's really playing a number on my self esteem right now, and quite honestly I'm kinda just hurt at the moment. Anyways, here goes:
Long story short, it's been going on a year since I've last had sex. I miss the physical touch of a man so bad. I recently met an attractive man that's in the same boat; we were both looking for friends with benefits. We went out on 2 dates and talked everyday for 2 weeks and decided we wanted to proceed with being fwb. He's 30, I'm 36, and he seemed normal/mature. The physical chemistry between us was very intense. Plus we also seemed to be on the same level maturity wise. We decided last weekend we would meet and get together. We met for dinner, later got a room, talked/chilled, then started getting into it. An hour into it, he's about to pull it out and go in...without a condom. I stop him just in time and ask if he brought one. He gives me a blank look and says no, since he knew I was on the pill he 'thought we were good'. He said he could go get one, left, then text me saying he couldn't find a store that's open and it must not have been meant to be. He never came back. 2 days have past and I have not heard from him. I'm crushed.
You dodged a bullet.
Look at it this way: If he did that to you, he has probably slept with at least a few other women without a condom. Not a risk you want to take with your health.
But for future reference, I would not tell anyone that I was on the Pill unless I was in a committed relationship with him, especially now. It seems that younger people are a little more cavalier about condom use than people my age (late 40s). Living through the early AIDS years put the fear in a lot of late Boomers and early Gen-Xers, so I can count the number of times on one hand that a man so much as expressed disappointment at having to wear one. It's kind of a non-issue with people my age.
Then it sounds like he never intended to use one. Really, you should have been prepared too, but it's good that this happened.
So wait, he left saying he was going to get one and never came back? For the whole evening? He hasn't called or text or anything? That's very telling right there.
Chalk it up to a lesson learned. Even if he did contact you again, I wouldn't have anything else to do with him.
Correct.
Well, when I text him 20 minutes after he left I asked if he was still looking.
He said he stopped at 3 places and they were all closed. He said he gave up and that 'it must not have been meant to be.' And that was it. He didn't return or call or text after.
I don't know where you live. But for me, that would involve getting dressed, driving probably 2-3 miles, going in, buying condoms, going home. Probably a 20-25 minute ordeal. After which, you may not be in the mood anymore.
I'm gonna guess you're a woman. Aren't you familiar with the whole light switch metaphor re the difference between guys and gals? People (especially guys, but I'm sure women as well)can stay in the mood all day; and if the mood ceases for some reason, guys can usually get turned on pretty quick.
Heck, I've been in a situation like this, where I was at my place and out of condoms. So the girl I was seeing at the time went with me and we had some heavy petting during the drive in. I'm pretty sure a couple of people saw my raging boner, but I didn't care at that point. I was just excited to end the dry snap.
A 20-25 minute detour won't derail this train when it hasn't been in a station in a while. The OP said her guy friend told her he hadn't had any for 6 months. Yeah, I'd book it to a conveince store of walgreens/cvs in a heartbeat, and bring her with me.
Eww, considering my son watches a lot of Thomas, I feel kinda dirty for writing that train metaphor. LOL
Lots of guys don't like to use condoms... if you are on the pill, and you both have been celibate for a while, you are probably both clean. Remember, he's taking a risk raw dogging it too...
When I get into a relationship, the first thing I push for is to not use a rubber once I am relatively sure she is clean and is using birth control. I know i'm clean
Probably the best advice in the history of the forum....
Just sounds like you never really talked about anything and got your FWB mixed up with your casual realtionship.
Live and learn I suppose. No matter what you have with someone at some point it has to be defined to understand what "it" is.
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