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The guy was purely interested in sex, while you were already emotionally invested judging by your reaction. If not, you simply were and are too vulnerable for a guy like him.
What kind of guy leaves you alone in a hotel and doesn't even call in the following days to see how you are? He could have come back, you know, and you two could have spent the night together without having sex, that would have been the right thing to do if he had some manners and cared in the slightest for you to have a nice experience, but he didn't care at all and this is the truth.
The kind of guy that was down for a quick casual **** and don't want the baggage of a relationship or questions after the fact, obviously... he was DTF, does not care about the OP's feelings. I got that this was the arrangement and somehow the OP was expecting more.
Granted she got LESS, but still, I get the hint that there were more expectations from the OP.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,948,491 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by lucky4life
Condoms were awful when I was in HS and college, but it was still worth having sex. These days I would rather not have sex than to use condoms. Like a lot of men over 40, I'm basically not capable of climaxing with a condom.
I never was, and that is actually one of the benefits of them
There are lots of ways to reach that point, doesn't' have to be from PIV and I prefer it not to, since it negates pregnating someone, and honestly, it is heck of a lot more fun other ways/places
oh wow. Ok. You have scar tissue from real trauma. I would advise you to work this out in therapy before getting involved with any guy casually or seriously. This is the kind of hurt that creates a trunk load of baggage (or at least, certainly can) and self-sabotage can be part of the mix too.
Deep down I truly do understand that this is an issue...however part of me always thinks I 'can handle this' since I had a fwb in the past and it was 'ok'.
It's the impact the supposed rejection has on me that's having way too much of an impact on me, and something I would agree needs to be addressed as rejection comes in many forms so....like another poster said, God help me if (when) someone I truly love/care about does me wrong. Which I have had happen before a few years ago. It was not pretty.
Here's the thing. For many, casual sex is NOT about the person they're having casual sex with. It's about getting laid. Period. Full stop. That's all. So there's not much point in taking it as a personal slight, since it really more than likely wasn't about you, in the first place, anyway. You just happened to be available and willing.
Well, deep down I do 'know' that, but that's not the way my mind thinks when this sort of thing happens.
The thought process I go through is:
-I wasn't attractive enough for him to stay/come back to me
-I wasn't attractive enough for him to call back at another time or try to communicate with me to meet again
-I wasn't worthy of enough respect for him to use a condom
-I was a bad judge of character and shouldn't have even been so shocked someone I barely knew pulled something like this
-I was dumb not to be prepared myself just in case this happened
....and on and on and on. I am guessing this is not how others' minds work. This is the thought process I go through. And not just right after it happens...all day...even today. I can't stop thinking about it.
Either wait for one that fits your profile to the tee or have at it with one that's close enough. It seems your pickiness is causing you to feel desperate once you find your unicorn.
You're probably VERY right about this....
Although based on recent self-reflection, a fwb situation, as many are starting to mention, may just not be the right thing for me period. I think I'm struggling with being alone right now.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,948,491 times
Reputation: 40635
It doesn't show us anything. Ignore that crap.
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