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An hour into it, he's about to pull it out and go in...without a condom. I stop him just in time and ask if he brought one. He gives me a blank look and says no, since he knew I was on the pill he 'thought we were good'. He said he could go get one, left, then text me saying he couldn't find a store that's open and it must not have been meant to be. He never came back. 2 days have past and I have not heard from him. I'm crushed.
What was he supposed to come back for? After all, he was there for the benefits. And I wouldn't worry to much about the lack of communication. You are not in a relationship so there's no obligation to communicate like you would in "normal" relationship.
That was my thought. Even if she had one I think he would have bailed.
What the hell was he thinking??
Op--I am glad people are being kind and gentle with you. I think you are lucky to be rid of that loser.
I agree; I appreciate that. I can just feel myself being triggered into a depressive episode and this kind of situation is so not worth going there for. I've been doing good for so long.
Lots of good points in this thread (and some asinine comments) Completely agree that a FWB situation will not improve self-esteem (more likely to further damage it), and that casual sex is about the sex, not the partner. If it was about the partner, it would be some sort of relationship. And if you want your partner to use condoms (as you should), be sure to bring your own, just in case. Be proactive and make sure you are on the same page or it will lead to disappointment and problems.
I've learned my lesson here RE: regarding the condoms.
I guess at my age and reading through all of the comments in this thread I should be surprised I haven't had this issue in the past.
After reading this, before you respond, I ask that you please go easy on me. I've dealt with a lot of rejection in my life, so although this situation may seem superficial, it's really playing a number on my self esteem right now, and quite honestly I'm kinda just hurt at the moment. Anyways, here goes:
Long story short, it's been going on a year since I've last had sex. I miss the physical touch of a man so bad. I recently met an attractive man that's in the same boat; we were both looking for friends with benefits. We went out on 2 dates and talked everyday for 2 weeks and decided we wanted to proceed with being fwb. He's 30, I'm 36, and he seemed normal/mature. The physical chemistry between us was very intense. Plus we also seemed to be on the same level maturity wise. We decided last weekend we would meet and get together. We met for dinner, later got a room, talked/chilled, then started getting into it. An hour into it, he's about to pull it out and go in...without a condom. I stop him just in time and ask if he brought one. He gives me a blank look and says no, since he knew I was on the pill he 'thought we were good'. He said he could go get one, left, then text me saying he couldn't find a store that's open and it must not have been meant to be. He never came back. 2 days have past and I have not heard from him. I'm crushed.
what happend to dating without sex? what happened to having morals.
what is wrong with you people? Geez! Have you no self respect?
Except, according to some male posters on this thread, if they are required to do something they "don't wanna do," like, oh, wear a condom.
I look back 40 years to my twenties... I remember paying extra to 'around the way girls' to go in without a condom. Finding a girlfriend who would have sex without the promise of marriage was a minor miracle and you usually had to 'pull out'. It's fine for women to be scornful towards men that don't like condoms but I suggest that if we are to get past the present sorry state of male/female sexual relations in the U.S. that women start to develop some sympathy for a man's predicament. American women are often averse to doing anything that might help get a guy over the psychological and physiological barriers (see what I did there) to sexual satisfaction while using barrier methods of contraception. I don't know... I've never been what people call... "attractive". I'm alright... I think... better now actually...but those who are definitely "attractive". Gorgeous even. Do you think it's possible such people can be a little 'lazy', when it comes to 'things'? I think so. Their good looks and good bodies should be enough (they think) to inspire a partner even in the face of 'barriers' and stuff. Erm... no. A-list celebrities who represent the bulk of the "gorgeous" people in our society routinely get cheated on, dumped and left for dead by people who look rather average by comparison. The o.p.'s situation isn't any more or less strange because the o.p. is "attractive". Which you know. Sadly, your take-away isn't that the o.p. or anyone else in her situation has any responsibility. It's all down to 'men' and their lack of maturity.
I don't think time's going to cut it. I think you actually need to address the issues behind your behavior, or negative obsessing's going to continue. You have real things to address, and they're a lot bigger than a questionable guy peacing out on you when you required a condom.
You're talking about this experience potentially triggering a depressive episode, and really, if you suffer from known depression, you have a responsibility to avoid situations that are triggers, not choose to jump straight into them. If seeking casual sex with random people you have no actual relationship of any kind with and all the baggage that goes with that (including the reality that it quite often means that you're meeting up with partners who, true, have literally no interest in you whatsoever other than as the willing custodian of a useable orifice or three, and will not prioritize treating you respectfully or considerately) is the sort of thing that depresses you, by all means, STEER CLEAR OF IT.
Know thyself.
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