Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
When I was 15 my father, who had molested me as a child, told me never to call or contact him again. So I didn't.
I am learning in adulthood that now, any time a man pulls anything that is close to a disappearing act, I ruminate and can't get over it. I 'have' to know why. I cry over it. I get over it, but it takes wayyyy longer than it should. It just does.
Not admitting this to garner sympathy. Maybe this will provide some insight. We are all products of our past in some way, shape or form. In some ways for good...in some ways for not so good.
oh wow. Ok. You have scar tissue from real trauma. I would advise you to work this out in therapy before getting involved with any guy casually or seriously. This is the kind of hurt that creates a trunk load of baggage (or at least, certainly can) and self-sabotage can be part of the mix too.
oh wow. Ok. You have scar tissue from real trauma. I would advise you to work this out in therapy before getting involved with any guy casually or seriously. This is the kind of hurt that creates a trunk load of baggage (or at least, certainly can) and self-sabotage can be part of the mix too.
Yup. Trauma requires specialized trauma therapy, OP. This needs to be healed before you can go forward in life in a stable manner. It's not something you can just get over on your own, and move on. The issues you're experiencing now are related to that unresolved trauma. Take care of yourself. Your health insurance may cover it. Google "trauma therapists" + your town, also "psychologists", "trauma" + your locale.
I wouldn't be in any type of relationship with a woman that needed me to use condoms, but I would be more than willing to have papers saying I was clean before we went there.
Condoms were awful when I was in HS and college, but it was still worth having sex. These days I would rather not have sex than to use condoms. Like a lot of men over 40, I'm basically not capable of climaxing with a condom.
My GF won't take hormone based birth control because they turn her into a monster. She said it was a lot of the reason her first marriage failed. We have used the withdrawal method combined with the rhythm method for birth control successfully for years. The withdrawal method gets a bad rap because our education system doesn't want people using it to help stop the spread of STI's; however, the truth of the matter is that when used correctly, it's 96% effective according to the latest studies. Add to this the notion of not having intercourse on the days when a woman is most fertile through a smart phone app, and a couple is less likely to get pregnant than with using the pill. Of course when you tell people this, they'll say "OMG, you can still get pregnant that way." For anyone that has been force fed this since they were a kid through our public education sytem, I urge you to do a little research. Is it possible? absolutely, but it's also extremely unlikely.
OMG thank you! Condoms, I just cannot. There is truth to the studying ovulation charts (my favorite method) as well. Also after you have the kids you want, a vasectomy/tubal litigation is fool proof as well. Plenty of enjoyable condomless sex there.
The one guy said it good too about typically being able to tell if someone is disease free. MOST PEOPLE don't have every STD under the sun like city-data seems to think, as this website shows: Your Honest-to-God Guide to STDs is there a chance? Sure. But you can also get into a car accident and die.
The guy was purely interested in sex, while you were already emotionally invested judging by your reaction. If not, you simply were and are too vulnerable for a guy like him.
What kind of guy leaves you alone in a hotel and doesn't even call in the following days to see how you are? He could have come back, you know, and you two could have spent the night together without having sex, that would have been the right thing to do if he had some manners and cared in the slightest for you to have a nice experience, but he didn't care at all and this is the truth.
Maybe he felt frustrated and lost interest in sex when he couldn't find a condom, but my opinion is that the feeling you had when he left the room that he wasn't going to come back and that proved to be right, shows that he is a guy who felt rejected when you din't want to have sex without a condom, and from that moment he wasn't capable or willing to find a way to still connect with you. Sex was the only thing he wanted and if he couldnt have that, there was nothing he could offer you, not even some basic consideration. He is a vey selfish man and you are so much better off without him.
If it's true that everyhting happens for a reason, in your case, it must have been because you simply don't deserve such a selfish and indifferent man in your life. Don't call him, keep your dignity, don't waste more energies thinking about him, and be glad that he didn't get to be a part of your life.
Taking in consideration how vulnerable you are, you might want to reconsider a FWB relationship. Maybe it's not the way for you to go and you need to find other means to be happy until you find the right person. Good luck.
Yeah, one-night stands and F-buddy situations aren't going to provide you with the type of help you need in addressing your emotions if you are a person who was molested, abused and abandoned by a parent as a child. In fact, they'll only make things worse. The self-worth you are seeking isn't gonna be found by what you are trying to do. You need to seek actual treatment.
OMG thank you! Condoms, I just cannot. There is truth to the studying ovulation charts (my favorite method) as well. Also after you have the kids you want, a vasectomy/tubal litigation is fool proof as well. Plenty of enjoyable condomless sex there.
The one guy said it good too about typically being able to tell if someone is disease free. MOST PEOPLE don't have every STD under the sun like city-data seems to think, as this website shows: Your Honest-to-God Guide to STDs is there a chance? Sure. But you can also get into a car accident and die.
Yeah, great. We'll all use the rhythm method. There's a reason Catholic families used to be huge, you know.
It's easy for you to say it's YOUR favorite method. Bets that it's very few women's fave method. Especially women who aren't married to you.
Yeah, one-night stands and F-buddy situations aren't going to provide you with the type of help you need in addressing your emotions if you are a person who was molested, abused and abandoned by a parent as a child. In fact, they'll only make things worse. The self-worth you are seeking isn't gonna be found by what you are trying to do. You need to seek actual treatment.
So true. OP, what you're doing is seeking out situations guaranteed to re-open those old wounds. Why you'd want to do that, I don't know. Before you continue doing this to yourself, please consider therapy.
What you describe in your post is possible in a committed relationship. However this is thread is not... it is about casual sex with people who are most likely having casual sex with others and so on.
If you don't have the common sense to use condoms, then you should just stick to committed relationships in which both partner's "cards are laid out on the table".
After reading this, before you respond, I ask that you please go easy on me. I've dealt with a lot of rejection in my life, so although this situation may seem superficial, it's really playing a number on my self esteem right now, and quite honestly I'm kinda just hurt at the moment. Anyways, here goes:
Long story short, it's been going on a year since I've last had sex. I miss the physical touch of a man so bad. I recently met an attractive man that's in the same boat; we were both looking for friends with benefits. We went out on 2 dates and talked everyday for 2 weeks and decided we wanted to proceed with being fwb. He's 30, I'm 36, and he seemed normal/mature. The physical chemistry between us was very intense. Plus we also seemed to be on the same level maturity wise. We decided last weekend we would meet and get together. We met for dinner, later got a room, talked/chilled, then started getting into it. An hour into it, he's about to pull it out and go in...without a condom. I stop him just in time and ask if he brought one. He gives me a blank look and says no, since he knew I was on the pill he 'thought we were good'. He said he could go get one, left, then text me saying he couldn't find a store that's open and it must not have been meant to be. He never came back. 2 days have past and I have not heard from him. I'm crushed.
Better off with him leaving you than leaving you with a gift that keeps on giving. If I was single I wouldn't dream of having unprotected sex even if you were on the pill.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
We'll all use the rhythm method. There's a reason Catholic families used to be huge, you know. 
