Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
You move here, married someone, had their kids, and expect to relocate them while you were the one that moved here in the first place. Sounds selfish of you. Get divorced, but don't expect to automatically get custody of the kids, unless you want to drag it out a few more years first.
Other than having your side of the family nearby, not sure why you think your QOL would be so much better elsewhere. You make enough money. You should be living perfectly fine wherever you are (assuming you can definitely bring your salary with you).
Maybe start by just changing neighborhoods around here.
I told this person BEFORE we even got together I was going back to San Diego..Then we stretched it out and said he could finish university then we'd go. Two unplanned pregnancies dictate that I now need to stay here?
Again..why are all of these answers coming from men?
Why is staying here so much better?
This is the standpoint we're at.
Everyone knows NYC is a godawful place to raise kids outside of the fact that I don't like it here.
I want better for my family and there's no real "location" middleground. I've gone years past when he promised to try out California..
So yes, I DO expect him to sacrifice for me the way I have for him. It would hardly be a sacrifice being that we've been here 9 years and he actually ENJOYS California..Not like I'm asking him to move to Detroit or a cabin in the wildnerness of Alaska.
Get his brother accepted to a college in San Diego and see how quickly she wants to move, especially when you are all there.
Honestly, I think even she would like California better with the concentration of Spanish culture.
Look into some senior housing for them there and get together some local area things that may interest her such as activities, churches, business opportunities, etal even some contacts that could get in touch with her. Latin families are very close so expect that you will all eventually be there together. Looks like you're going to have to be the instigator. (Bring some boxes over to her house and start them packing)
Neither of our parents are that old that they're anywhere near considering retiring. They're of working age and enjoy working.
I think you're right about Spanish culture..But his mom's biz is "under the table"..Part of the reason I don't think she'd want to "start over" per se. But at the same time the other part of me thinks even if it wasn't, she's still such a stubborn person and has established herself where she wants to be and isn't going to move..but yet she'd DIE if her oldest son left her and is dying to keep him near.
Fun situation to be in haha..
I think you're onto something, though.
She'd really love me once both her sons are living out there with us!
um, he's not gonna come to california. not happening. and him making 100k is ok even if you guys break up and he has to pay child support for the next 2 decades. what would i do? i believe in a patriarchy. men are leaders of the home and should be followed by the family members. i would stay if i were a woman and make sure my man and children are well taken care of.
also you make upper middle class income for new york city. you can have the best life and expose your kids to the most diversity in terms of opportunity in life all within a half hour of everything. in cali., you will drive for hours to do a few tasks. heck, if i made 20k a year, like about 10% of your income, i'd still live in nyc. the convenience is great. you make enough to live like a queen even with a family and the fact that your husband brings in 100k which is still a huge number and yet you still want more. you cannot have it all in life. you will have tradeoffs. ONE of you will not be happy living where you are. either him or you. why not just accept what you have (300k to me in one year is like being a millionaire but then again, what actually is your income after taxes and overhead? could be like $50k or something) and be happy? or go to cali. and screw the guy and live for your own self. he's obviously not tom cruise or brad pitt and if the figures that you only know about add up, makes less than you so he's disposable. just an avg. middle aged guy. time to move on and upgrade your own life. you only have one life. you can always skype out the relationship and he can fly in occasionally for sex if you need it. he can just find a part time mistress here for himself. win win for both. but no, don't tell yourself that you have a checklist of things you want. not happening. and plans also go awry and fall apart very easily in life as you know. work with what you have is my opinion or just drop him and live out your own life for your own happiness. based on what i have read, you do not like patriarchies and are independent so it's better you leave so both of yous are happy on their own terms.
Last edited by Hairy Guy; 08-23-2015 at 02:03 PM..
um, he's not gonna come to california. not happening. and him making 100k is ok even if you guys break up and he has to pay child support for the next 2 decades. what would i do? i believe in a patriarchy. men are leaders of the home and should be followed by the family members. i would stay if i were a woman and make sure my man and children are well taken care of.
I guess I see where he gets his attitude now. Seems like it's a NYer thing, huh?! Jesus.
I thought it was a Latin thing. Lucky me..it's not just Latin men but NYer men. Overbearing, dominant and chauvinist. SMDH
Sexiest men in the country but damn you guys come at a price huh?
Why is it that all of the "He's the man of the household" or "You will have to wait until the kids are adults" answers are coming from MEN??????
I'm a man, and I can't make any sense of what these people are saying.
Sucks for your husband. You make 300K. He doesn't. You get to pick where you live.
You're a mother with needs for her children. New York City isn't working for you in those regards.
Doing Summer's in NYC is a fair concession. Maybe his mother could spend 3 months in CA a year as well.
Though, clearly, you may want to avoid CA as it's close to the nations 'internet hub'. Whatever that means.
I'm a man, and I can't make any sense of what these people are saying.
Sucks for your husband. You make 300K. He doesn't. You get to pick where you live.
You're a mother with needs for her children. New York City isn't working for you in those regards.
Doing Summer's in NYC is a fair concession. Maybe his mother could spend 3 months in CA a year as well.
Though, clearly, you may want to avoid CA as it's close to the nations 'internet hub'. Whatever that means.
Thanks for the feedback. I feel I honor him as the man in our house but I also don't live in the 1950s. I am not a girl who needs my green card and I feel I've been fair in supporting him and sacrificing..quite a bit..for a long time. I've expressed it every way possible to him that I am NOT happy here and explained that it goes beyond that.
Expressed the benefits and pluses for our children and family, etc.
He thinks his family is the best to live near..Wants his kids to speak Spanish and grow up with their values despite my family being just as nice..We're just more nuclear on my side and more money motivated..Hey, I admit it.
He probably thinks QOL to raise a family is better here. That's a personal preference. I have the same preference as your husband.
My wife is also a suburban transplant. My folks live nearby and help a lot with childcare. We have a beautiful family and have good incomes. Difference here is that she loves NYC. Don't use your kids as the excuse. Your past judgements disagree with your current demands. You put yourself in this sutuation, not your husband, not your kids, nor your mother in law. But I do feel sorry for you.
I enjoy where my wife is from. Great place to visit. Doesn't mean I want to pick up my stuff and move there.
I'm a man, and I can't make any sense of what these people are saying.
Sucks for your husband. You make 300K. He doesn't. You get to pick where you live.
You're a mother with needs for her children. New York City isn't working for you in those regards.
Doing Summer's in NYC is a fair concession. Maybe his mother could spend 3 months in CA a year as well.
Though, clearly, you may want to avoid CA as it's close to the nations 'internet hub'. Whatever that means.
His parents are both self employed and could even spend 1-2 months out in CA at a time if need be. I'm willing to stay here 2.5 months every summer kids are off school (once school age)..so that gives us at LEAST 3.5-4.5 months a YEAR of being with his parents. More than I'd like to deal with his MIL but figuring it will be better when it's under my roof and we aren't neighbors..I am not so bad that I don't get along with them and bite my tongue for the greater good.
This is the SAME MIL that told the hospital staff not to give me pain relievers during my emergency labor/delivery and lifted the blanket to look at my vagina to make sure the baby wasn't crowning.
He probably thinks QOL to raise a family is better here. That's a personal preference. I have the same preference as your husband.
My wife is also a suburban transplant. My folks live nearby and help a lot with childcare. We have a beautiful family and have good incomes. Difference here is that she loves NYC. Don't use your kids as the excuse. Your past judgements disagree with your current demands. You put yourself in this sutuation, not your husband, not your kids, nor your mother in law. But I do feel sorry for you.
Apparently my reasoning is an excuse. So what's his excuse to stay?
How is NYC better? What does NYC have that California doesnt?
I've already listed we'd have ALL the same stuff there we have here..just from my family.
You sound just like him. I should introduce you two and you can go out for drinks and talk about how you're the man of the house lol
I bet if the tables were turned and I was a housewife making NOTHING and my husband wanted to move to CA on his 100k salary you'd be humming a different tune lol
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
